Dutch new herring is not edible??
Them’s fighting words, Burger Boy!
Norweigians and lutefisk…that’s nothing.
Get this, the Swedes eat Sundstromming or something…
Basically fermented herring. They get drunk (as if Swedes aren’t always) and eat this stuff on with onions. Any type of fish in a barrel for 7 years is bad… My girlfriend (a Swede) eats this stuff. I’m an American and I stay away…far away. Also never underestimate blood pudding (yuk), black pudding (maybe the same) and white pudding (I don’t want to know).
But this is all irrelevant because no one will come to the aid of the Brits. There once was a time when the sun never set on the British empire…but that was only because no one would trust an Englishman in the dark. The UK is much smaller now and I don’t think the rest of Europe would mind it going away. I know the French would love it because they’d only have to hate Americans now. The rest of Europe would love it because America would do something about the cro-magnon English sports fans that plaque the rest of Europe.
If you Yanks go to war with the British, can we Canadians liberate selected parts of your country and introduce universal medical care? I’m only asking because we are supposed to be polite.
bagkitty Hello, welcome, and are you related to the cartoon character Bagpuss, I wonder? You’re in danger of adding something sensible to this discussion.
I just received this a couple of days ago. I don’t know where it originated.
Here’s Britain’s proposal for what should be done
about the US…
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
-
You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminum”. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary”. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up “interspersed”.
-
There is no such thing as “US English”. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
-
You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard.
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Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
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You should relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
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You should stop playing American “football”. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American “football” is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays “American” football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead
play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American “football”, but does not
involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. -
You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. “Merde” is French for “sh*t”.
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July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called “Indecisive Day”.
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All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
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Please tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.
That’s quite funny, Muffin. Especially the first 34 times you read it
Thanks for that, Muffin and welcome to the board. As a new poster, might I suggest you may also want to ask a question in GD about the merits of circumcised penis’s vs. uncircumcised and / or creationism vs. evolution.
Well Scottish rule over England is basically what we’ve had since 1603, isn’t it?
And I just had this hysterical “Revocation of Independence” thing forwarded to me by e-mail …
Celyn: thank you for the kind greeting. I have never heard of a cartoon character called Bagpuss before your message, in most places on the net I go by the handle Corvus… but to my shock and dismay I discovered it was already taken in here. My favourite handle having been occupied, I had to use the nickname bestowed upon me by my fellow chatters from the (sadly defunct) WBS Gay Chat room (actually, a short story… since I have no scanner, I had to post an image of a cat dancing with a bag over its head in the “your image here” section).
Do you think the existing “corvus” can be bribed into surrendering the handle to me? Is this a good idea? Or will I be taking on a lot of baggage with the handle if the bribe is successful?
As to the risk of adding something sensible to the discussion: you do realize that in exchange for our liberating you and introducing universal health care, we expect that you will learn to spell colour and neighbour properly?
A kitty against a crow? I woulnd’t like to try it. I don’t think I’d even like to watch.
It is very very kind of you, but I think I’ll manage with my current system of healthcare, and current system of spelling, as I’m Scottish.
Oh, the irony. Spelling OK, spellchecking facilities, both human and computerised, apparently far from so!
We are? Declaring war on Britain?
Totally cool! I’ve been homesick for the heady days of yore, when civic involvement meant taking action about civil rights and ill-considered wars. Nothing like death-by-media gritching over pregnant chads to make one long for ruthless, imperialist, running-dog expansionism!
{Note to all: irony, tongue-in-cheek, joke, okay?}
In all honesty, this is ridiculous supposition. Maybe there’s a certain game-players fascination with “what if”, though the mental exercise is too sterile and far-fetched to draw me in.
Sorry to douse cold water, but now that you mention it…it’d be a honk trying to cast Heroes, wouldn’t it? Tony Blair vs…whomever? The BBC broadcasting Tony’s defiant, Churchillian rolling prose; fireside chats by…almost a President.
Maybe there is a certain instructive, lunatic exercise here.
Veb
Celyn: sorry about that, I had no idea you were an oatmeal savage – I was working under the assumption that you were an uppity colonial.
I guess this means I should check the profiles more carefully (by the way, did you notice my plug for Iain Banks? is it enough to excuse me from calling you an oatmeal savage?)
Actually, I think a kitty and a crow would be pretty evenly matched.
Uppity colonial. Pots. Kettles. Glass houses. Stones.
Anyway, what you don’t know yet is that my own secret plan is to confuse both the U.S. and Canada by demanding that they give us all their names back, and start manufacturing their own. You know, like having places named Calgary.
Hell, I will do better than give the name back, if we can organize enough people to chip in on the postage, I will mail the whole place over to you. Now, where is that extra large roll of brown wrapping paper I had?
Who populates Florida? Canadian snow birds. Where has the US election been shut down? Florida. Coincidence? I think not. Canada, backed by the UN, has succeeded in overthrowing the US political structure. The British invasion was just a ruse. Canadians are going to the polls on Tuesday to elect a president for the US.
Go, Muffin! Go, Muffin!
Dang, that’s the kind of outside-the-box, twisted, sneaky, Ignorance-stompin’ sideways thinking this place fosters!
:::flicks away sentimental tear:::
Veb
… but I guess this means we get to keep Moose Jaw, Come By Chance, Medicine Hat, Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump, Dildo, Tuktoyoktuk, St-Louis du Ha-Ha, Ucluelet and assorted hamlets, towns and cities?
Muffin, Muffin, Muffin… we vote on Monday, not Tuesday.
You rang?