I know you’re important. Your life is so busy and important that you are immune to laws of both traffic and physics. Obviously someone would die without those 30 seconds you gained by pulling suddenly over the solid line into the acceleration lane so you could pass the car in front of you on the right. Oh, but they foiled you! They accelerated as you tried to swing around, closing the gap. So what do you do? Of course! Slam on your brakes to try and get back in behind them. That’s right, don’t look to see if there is someone accelerating off the curved on-ramp. Just frickin’ stop in the middle of the lane.
Hi, fucknut. I’m Obsidian, passenger in that black audi behind you that you didn’t see. Bless german engineers and my best friend’s fabulous reflexes or we’d have definitely met as we sorted out the ugly accident. I still can’t believe how quickly we stopped. Well, I guess I can. I’ve got a seat belt bruise, a pulled muscle and a pinched nerve in my neck to prove it. I have a seminar to run on Thursday, how am I supposed to do that in a sling and a cervical collar? You didn’t even stop to see if any of the people who almost drove into the sound wall to avoid smashing your sorry ass (yes, that does include the car behind us, who almost turned this near miss into a pile up) were okay. You just floored it and swerved back into traffic.
Thanks, dude. Thanks for the unexpected unpaid vacation from work. Thanks for the stylish medical-grade accessories*. Thanks for the expensive doctor bill coming my way. Thanks for wrecking my Sunday, and my Monday.
I hope someday you cut off an old buick with poorly maintained breaks and a driver who’s yapping on his phone and get your tin can on wheels totaled. Better yet, I hope you pull your shitty move just as a CHP cruiser is hitting the acceleration lane. Yeah, that would make my day. I hope your registration’s expired and your car gets towed. Maybe you’ll have crack in the trunk and get arrested. Mmm. . .yeah. . .
Sincerely,
Obsidian
You know, I really am filled with vitrol. However, I’m also filled with something called Tramadol, which is making me kinda. . .mellow.
*I will admit-- the doctor issued sling is WAY nicer than anything you can buy in Wallgreens
My dad once rear-ended somebody who stopped dead on an acceleration ramp for I95. To this day, he has neck and back problems from an accident that happened in 1972. Glad you’re ok, Obsidian.
Look, Obsidian, did you ever stop to consider that Shithead is so ugly that his mama makes him go out in public with that bag over his head? Huh? Did you ever stop to consider that?
:oP That’s what everyone keeps calling my neck brace. Apparently it’s the official name. I hate it, yet at the same time it makes my neck feel SO much better, that I have no choice but to wear it.
…Yeah. Sorry about that, but I mean-- it seemed like a good idea at the time…I SWEAR! See what happened was, I was leavin’ the house, but I couldn’t find my sunglasses. All I could find was that bag and it wasn’t really great protection, but it was neat because I could pretend to be Darth Vadar while driving and and and
Sorry about that jerk. I’m not quite clear on how things work, but could you file a claim with your insurance company or something (for the medical expenses)? Although, knowing most insurance companies, they will say it is your fault for daring to hit your breaks.
I had the exact same thing happen to me just minutes ago. Well not the exact same thing, but some truck decided he wanted to occupy the air my car was already in. Wall to wall traffic down Havana, and this guy realizes at the last moment he wants to turn right. Luckily I was already slowing to turn; I just had to press harder. Well not even close to the same thing actually, but it was a good first sentence.
He wasn’t wearing a bag, though - I know because we spent a few moments gesturing at each other after the turn. Must not have been the same guy.
Did you at least get the license number? With those kind of injuries, you might (IAMost Definitely NAL) be able to seek some sort of legal redress from his insurance company.
To the guy in the Hyundai:
You stupid fucker. Anybody who pulls out into the exit lane to pass, with no intent of exiting, is a dog fucker. And the ones who pull onto the shoulder are worse.
I see a lot of that around here, and I hate them, every one of them. Not only do they screw up traffic (which means everyone, probably including them, gets where they’re going more slowly), but I can’t help thinking that they’re thinking that they’re better than the rest of us, so they shouldn’t have to wait in traffic. I know, assuming they’re thinking is a big assumption…
Note: this does not apply to people who pull into the exit lane to get around an object in the road or a stalled vehicle. It only applies to the ones who do it to get around just plain ordinary traffic.
I have known people in Obsidian’sexact situation who have collected from the driver of the vehicle they were in. Kinda weird going after a friend, but totally legit. IANAL.
For Cervical vertebre, maybe? I was all ready to blame the drugs, but that is the right name.
re: insurance company. Even if I’d gotten the plates, I wasn’t the driver. The person to sue (legally) would be my best friend, who was driving. She and her boyfriend, who were up front, were rattled but fine, because they saw it and braced themselves. I was in the back seat asleep with my head at a funny angle, which is how I got the pinched nerve. I’m not suing her. It wasn’t her fault-- in fact I credit her alertness, driving skills, and choice in automobile in saving all of us from serious injury.
Ferflip’ssake. Cervix is Latin for “neck”; the vertebrae in your neck are therefore your cervical vertebrae. (The body part known as the cervix is called that because it’s the “neck” of the uterus.)
I hope Obsidian feels better for having the etymology of a neck brace explained … (And sympathy is hereby expressed for the injury, and for having to deal with the idiot in the grey Hyundai. I don’t suppose anyone was lucky enough to get the nitwit’s number?)
