This is how I found myself earlier tonight. A few seconds before, I had been wet, naked and standing up.
Long, hot baths are nice. But, not when you haven’t eaten much and you’re doped up on cold medicine. Luckily, my back hit the wall and I slid down until my butt hit the floor. If I hadn’t been reaching for the towel, I would’ve fallen backwards into the tub.
I hope this counts as my “yearly fall”. I usually have them in public, but this was just as humiliating.
I’ll say it first:
JPEG!
I was walking to a location which I can’t remember and it was very icy. I try to act cool and pretend as if I am not sliding down the ice. Three cars went by and I looked over my shoulder at a car with an engine that could be compared to a racetrack. A corvette, looked to be 2004. As I brought my head back I hit a patch of black ice and down I went. Sprawled out across the sidewalk as the vett slowed down to a near hault, saw I was fine and continued on driving.
Wow, that was embarrasing.
Sheee-it, Gal! Your thread title had me reachin’ for muh truck keys before I even had time to think!
Don’t move, I’m on my way.
Okay, you can move, just remember where you were, we may need to inspect the scene carefully.
Okay, I’m not actually on my way, but that thread title did make me, uh… think. Yeah, “think”. That’s a good way to put it. 
(Very glad you’re ok, though.)
Personally I want to see a video reenactment.
mmmmmmm…
Sorry, just appreciating the visual.
My back is a little bruised today. But, that’s okay, it matches my dignity.
Hey! I only get one similar story to make feel like less of a spaz?
With a webcam, we could all hold up number panels, based on the degree of difficulty and artistic expression.
Well, since you asked so nicely…
Without the benefit of drugs or malnutrition, I bent over to pick up a bar of soap (you all can get your minds out of the gutter right about now, mkay? I was alone and in my own shower, thankeweverymuch.) As I stood back up, I cracked my head on the bathtub tap, and knocked myself out cold. Fortunately, I was only out for about a minute. I had a headache for two days afterward, but no permanent damage.
Do you feel better now, or should I tell you about last night, when I realized the mouthful of noodles I had was far too hot to be in my mouth, but I didn’t want to spit them out because that’s gross, so I swallowed really fast and burned the daylights out of my throat?
OK, here ya go. I’m dry, naked, and flat on my back, as I have been for a couple of days, and will be for a few more days yet.
I’m a very high end skier. Last Sunday, while skiing, I stopped and looked back. You know what they say – never look back or you will be turned into a pillar of salt. Well, it’s true. When I twisted around to look behind me, PLINK!, something went horridly wrong with my sacroiliac.
By Wednesday, it was bad enough that I had to go to the hospital. Being rather stressed, I did not spot the emergency entrance at our new hospital, and instead went to the main entrance. Due to a flu outbreak, they would not let me in the main entrance, so I had to shuffle outside for half an hour in -20 to get to the emergency ward at the other end of the building.
Once admitted, all went well, especially after the nurse pulled down the window blind that I had not noticed until after I had undressed. I particularly enjoyed having my butt rubbed by another nurse, that is until the son of a bitch stabbed my nether regions with a needle. I have to say that folks like him will never convince me to be anything but straight if they don’t quit that needle thing. I am not a human pincushion – I am a human being.
But what really added insult to injury occured when I was toddling my way out of the hospital, at the start of the long shuffle back to my car. I guess the building didn’t like my filling out a suggestion slip concerning emergency ward entrance sinage, for when I went out through the automatic door, instead of waiting for me to slowly make my way through, the door [wait for it – you know it’s coming] hit me in the ass. I expect that my scream woke a few people in the wards.
So now it’s Friday evening. I was scheduled to be on the hill following up with some students whom I had lectured on the history of skiing out at the university earlier in the week. But instead of such an enjoyable task, I have to continue to lay here in bed for a few more days. Dry, naked, and quite miserable.
OK. Three years ago I’m moving here. I have this old exercise machine that is a cross between a stationary bike and a rowing machine. You sit on it like a bike, but you push and pull - more similar to a the motion of a rowing machine. It broke a bolt during one of my work outs and I never got around to fixing it. I decided to throw it out. My buddy is helping me move, but I’m a big man, I don’t need any help. I drag it to the dumpster, lift it over my head and while trying to hold it up AND open the dumpster, I drop it on my head and knock myself out.
I dunno how long I’m out, but the next thing I know my buddy is standing over me saying “What the HECK are you doing?” (actually he used a word usually reserved for the pit.) I finally get my big old butt up and we have a good laugh. He says he had no plans to drag me in, 'cause I’m too big for one man. He was just gonna leave me there until the trach collectors came - but in the end he figured they wouldn’t take me either, so he was going to call an ambulance…
I passed out into the refrigerator once.
I had been laying down in the living room for a really long time – two or three hours in the same position. You know how you get dizzy sometimes when you stand up too fast and move around after sitting down too long? Yeah, that didn’t hit me until I had the fridge door open and was wondering if it would be too much trouble to make myself a grilled cheese sandwich. The next thing I know, I’m on the floor, with my head on the bottom shelf and a bottle of ketchup beside me on the floor.
I’ve no idea why the only thing I knocked down on my way was a bottle of ketchup. One of life’s little mysteries.