I walk in after the kids are asleep, and my wife is sitting on the couch watching TV.
“Hey Honey, watcha watchin’”
She just gives me this badass look, like I’ve done something wrong. I know this look. It’s the look she gets while she’s watching “Betrayal of Innocence,” or whatever dreck is on the Lifetime channel.
All these “Wifetime” movies are the same. Some testosterone freak of a guy is either cheating on, beating on, lying to, mentally torturing, raping, or failing to take out the garbage. After an hour and a half of this, the woman either divorces, imprisons, kills, runs away, or takes out the garbage herself.
In ther interim there is much teeth gnashing and soul searching over what to do. A friend is consulted, and an Alan Alda type wimpy guy is going to get physically or emotionally hurt. This provokes the “moment of truth” in which the woman finally decides to assert her power and kill, imprison, run away, divorce, or take out the garbage.
The moral of the story is that “all men are shits,” and generally my wife will treat me accordingly after watching the Wifetime channel.
I once actually figured out the “lock out” feature of the controller to turn off Lifetime, but that somehow just confirmed my status as a Manpig.
So, it was with some trepidation that I saw my wife’s expression. I was going to suffer the guilt from the acts of my gender.
It would have been much better had she been watching DR. 90210.
But, she was watching neither.
She was watching a subtitled Kung Fu movie. In 12 years of marriage I’ve never known her watch such a thing.
So, I’m scared. I’m telling you about it. What do you when your wife watches kung fu?