Whaddaya do when the wife watches kung fu?

I walk in after the kids are asleep, and my wife is sitting on the couch watching TV.

“Hey Honey, watcha watchin’”

She just gives me this badass look, like I’ve done something wrong. I know this look. It’s the look she gets while she’s watching “Betrayal of Innocence,” or whatever dreck is on the Lifetime channel.

All these “Wifetime” movies are the same. Some testosterone freak of a guy is either cheating on, beating on, lying to, mentally torturing, raping, or failing to take out the garbage. After an hour and a half of this, the woman either divorces, imprisons, kills, runs away, or takes out the garbage herself.

In ther interim there is much teeth gnashing and soul searching over what to do. A friend is consulted, and an Alan Alda type wimpy guy is going to get physically or emotionally hurt. This provokes the “moment of truth” in which the woman finally decides to assert her power and kill, imprison, run away, divorce, or take out the garbage.

The moral of the story is that “all men are shits,” and generally my wife will treat me accordingly after watching the Wifetime channel.

I once actually figured out the “lock out” feature of the controller to turn off Lifetime, but that somehow just confirmed my status as a Manpig.

So, it was with some trepidation that I saw my wife’s expression. I was going to suffer the guilt from the acts of my gender.

It would have been much better had she been watching DR. 90210.

But, she was watching neither.

She was watching a subtitled Kung Fu movie. In 12 years of marriage I’ve never known her watch such a thing.

So, I’m scared. I’m telling you about it. What do you when your wife watches kung fu?

Bout the same thing as when my wife teaches one of my 2.5 y.o. kids the phrase ‘dirt nap.’

Mom, working on halloween prop.

Collin: “Wha’s tha?”

Mom: “A Skeleton”

C: “Is he seepy?”

M: “Well, no, he’s taking a dirt nap.”

C: “ooooh.” Walks away repeating the phrase ‘Dirt Nap’ to himself.

I shudder to think what naptime at daycare is like now.

Damn Scylla, I’m jealous. Sex tonight will be one for the scrap book.

:eek: :smiley:

Rent Kung Fu Hustle, of course. Geez!

I just finished watching that movie, and it is the best. Seriously. :smiley:

Plan to dress up as Hong Kong Fooey for Halloween?

Rejoice! :smiley:

Oooh…Oooh… Me too…

I feel really weird that I cried during it though. Swear to God, I actually cried! That has never happened to me during a Kung-fu flick before.

The world must be coming unhinged! Maybe your wife and I have slipped through some interdimensional portal into a Bizarro World or sumpin’?

I heard that Kung Fu Hustle is a great movie, but even greater for the locals.

It seems that most of the actors are all old-school kung fu movie stars. Supposedly the movie is riddled with allusions, anecdotes and idioms/quotes from their most famous flicks.

Just a little hijack…


Kung Fu Hustle is pretty good and filled with the usual Hong Kong star suspects. Heck, I watched it with my wife and whole family.

Scylla is just freakin having a flashback because his love muffin just might be watching a subtitled kick flip movie and getting ideas. There’s an old thread around titled “my wife, the angel of death” or something like that. I searched but couldn’t find. In that thread Scylla admited that early in his relationship with his wife, he forced her to prove she really was a judo black belt and 120 pound dripping wet girl tought him a thing or two about a thing or two.

You better start paying attention.

In a lot of kungfu movies, the ladies aren’t to be underestimated. They can walk on water, glide on air, puncture you with sewing needles and if they want to, they can pursue you all the way to Hell…

So, better sit down next on the sofa and watch with her. Some popcorns might be nice too.

Wait a second, she’s already a black belt!?

Be careful. She might know the “Five Point Pallm-Exploding Heart Technique” already.

Or you can do what I do; Tell her to put the damn subtitles on so I can understand what the hell is going on. Besides the ass kicking, that I understand.

Kagemusha was on last night… was that what she was watching?

If so, your solution is simple. Tonite, put on your best bathrobe, slide a wooden yardstick into the belt and ask her “Is the measure of a man more shadow than substance? Is illusion just as powerful, if not more so, than reality? Is the idea stronger than the mind that crafts it?”

Then get out of her way while she takes out the trash.

Is that a euphimism for something?

Buy here roses, and then apologize for being a man.

That usually works.

I suggest you watch the following: Fist of Legend, for showing your ability to deliver a good beat down; Drunken Master II to show her that you are a mean drunk; and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, for good measure, that despite that all this ass-kicking females, it is the man that is the true master :wink:

And, why is it, Lifetime a channel for women, always showing a bunch of violence towards women? :dubious:

Get a boner, because that’s hot. Then watch it with her. Then have a no-holds-barred “match” with her on the couch.

::cue the porno music::

Oh, I was thinking of something specific. The Lovers, Paris and Helen of Troy, from Kung Fu Hustle. I remember how Scylla’s wife tried to kill him with the plow…

Does she like hip-hop? If so, get her some Kung Faux (Check out clip #4. Heh, heh.)