WHAT a couple of weeks it’s been!
First I was in a car crash the Monday before Thanksgiving, in which my car was totaled by an idiot trying to run a red light. (Have you noticed? If they’re in front of you, they’re idiots, and if they’re behind you, they’re maniacs.) Nobody was hurt, thank goodness.
Then, last Friday night/early Saturday morning, While Chef Jr. was spending the night at his grandmother’s house and Mrs. Chef and I were in bed asleep, some hollow-chested drug-addled monkey-fucker broke into our house and burgled us. Stole my wallet, her purse (including her house keys, her car keys, all her ID, AND the insurance check for the aforementioned totaled car), both our cell phones, and a lot of her jewelry (including several irreplacable items of great sentimental value - e.g., her wedding rings and some earrings I gave her when we were dating back in The Days Of Leg Warmers And Parachute Pants). Did I mention we were there, asleep? Perhaps I didn’t mention that the aforementioned monkey-fucker came IN OUR BEDROOM while we were in there asleep to get the jewelry. Once again, nobody was hurt, thank goodness.
So we’ve been dealing with all the break-in shit: cancelling credit cards, closing bank accounts, getting new driver’s licenses (THANK you for THAT, Mr. Fucker… may I call you “Monkey”?) changing locks, getting a security system installed, etc., all with only one car because until the insurance check was replaced we couldn’t replace MY car. We’re due for some good news, as I’m sure you’ll agree.
Well, last night I got some. We’re going to have another kid!!! That’s right, Mrs. Chef is preggers.
gleep there will be baby-toes to nibble and a baby belly-button to blow into.
Someone broke into your house and walked into your bedroom? Crikey! Did you realize someone was in the room? (You described him, but not sure if you were taking literary license.)
Perhaps in addition to a new fuzz head (Aaaaaaawwww, a new baby!), you could get a new puppy. They’re excellent burglar detectors, you know. And cuter than buttons.
Damn Chef, talk about going from the depths of hell to the hights of heaven !
Just thinking about someone being able to be in the house like that while y’all slept has got to be heart stopping.
Next to that the idiot in the other car thing doesn’t seem as bad as it did before I finished the bad parts.
I’m glad you are both ok ! I’m extra glad that the boyo wasn’t home. If he had woke up and heard a noise he might have left his room, who knows that, that… oh hell I can’t think of a bad enough word to call the guy , might have done.
Now, congrats on the new addition ! A Cheffy babe that is too cool. Maybe a little girl this time. I think Chef Jr. will make a fine big brother. Take care of Mrs.Chef and give her our best wishes please.
You must feel so violated and creeped out knowing that someone was in the same room with you while you slept. My god, this could have had a much much worse ending.
And I’m sorry about your car.
But holy granola, batman! A new baby! That’s fantastic!!! Woo-hoo! Congratulations, you ol’ rascal.
We slept through it - I was making certain calculated assumptions about the hollow-chested and drug-addled parts. In fact I have to be honest and admit that I don’t KNOW for a fact that Mr. Fucker is into monkeys. Frankly, I’m glad we didn’t wake up… who knows WHAT might have happened if I had.
Oh, okay, I’ll forgive you. Besides, I really am tickled to hear the good news, and I’ll be reading every update you post. You will be keeping us updated.
One of the things in Mrs. Chef’s purse was the invitation to a kids’ birthday party… in the course of calling around to Chef Jr.'s classmates to get directions to the party, Mrs. Chef spoke to a man who had almost the same thing happen to his family a couple of years ago… except the burglar came in through his 3-year-old’s room.
:eek:
Mrs. Chef was a lot more freaked out than I was… she’s not from the big city. In fact, her dad habitually leaves the keys in his car in case someone needs to MOVE it. Now THAT’s a small town.
The security system will make her sleep sounder, though, I bet.
