I had an idea for a thread- what if we took an advice column question and tried to answer it ourselves? Just to see what all everyone thought of a topic, without the OP being about anyone here. Kind of a “You play advice columnist” thing.
I will post a question (different enough from the actual question posed to “Ann” to avoid copyright issues) and YOU answer with the advice you would give the person. Anyone game?
Zette
REMEMBER- THIS IS NOT A POST FROM ME OR ANYONE ON THIS BOARD (that I’m aware of). IT’S A PARAPHRASE OF A LETTER POSED TO AN ADVICE COLUMNIST. THE PURPOSE OF THIS THREAD IS TO GET DIFFERENT OPINIONS AND SEE HOW THE DOPERS ADDRESS THIS ISSUE.
Dear Dopers: A relative of mine wants to get married on the same day that I celebrate my wedding anniversary. I think my own anniversary should be special and I don’t want to share that day with her. I’ve told her this, but she doesn’t care. I feel very strongly about this. What should I do?
Dear Harpy:
Well, first of all, you need to make sure you don’t schedule anything for January 28, ever. Because that’s my birthday, and I’m not sharing MY special day with ANYONE else.
Second, what Hallmark-invented anniversary are you on? Do we all need to get you something made of paper this year, or is this the year we get you the teddy bear that plays “Time in a Bottle” when you squeeze it’s stomach?
Third, why do you think that your friend’s choice of wedding date has anything to do with you? Are you a bridesmaid or something? She picked the day that worked for her, her husband to be, her family. When you get the invitation, talk to your spouse and decide - did you have plans to be canoodling in a hot tub in Aspen that weekend that you don’t wish to cancel? It might be really hard for you to sit through the ceremony - I mean, she’s going to be the bride, and all that attention that should rightfully belong to you is going to be focused on HER!
So here’s what you can do:
Be gracious about the date, but remind her at every opportunity how kind you are being by sharing your special day with her.
I know you thought you’d never get to wear your big white dress again, but now she’s given you the opportunity! Yes, you can wear your wedding dress to her wedding - reminding everyone that it really is your special day.
You are probably rightfully entitled to a cut of her wedding gifts, to make up for the people who might “forget” your all-important anniversary in favor of her tacky catered event.
Have fun!
Magda,
that was exactly what I had in mind. I love the “dear Harpy” part. 
Also, for what it’s worth- I think the writer doesn’t EVER want to share this day with her reletive- not just the wedding day, but the anniversary,(year after year) too.
Zette
Magdalene, that rocked!
Dear Fretful:
The best thing for you and your husband to do is attend the relative’s wedding (put on a brave face), then immediately pack your bags and move to the other end of the country.
You shouldn’t live in the same town as your relatives, anyhow. Whaddaya, asking for trouble?
Now, there you are in Bangor, Maine, and this bitch of a relative is all the way out there in Lompoc, California, and you never have to do anything for her or think about her ever again. Feels good, doesn’t it? You could send her some dead flowers on her (your) anniversary, I suppose.
Dear Indignant,
Stand up during the ceremony and open fire with a semiautomatic weapon. This will serve to drive home your point, plus you might kill some of your more annoying relatives. A win-win situation!
– Zilch
I am uniquely qualified to give advice here as some of my best friends did this exact thing this year!
No foolin’!
Harpy, my dear, it’s time you realized that any excuse for a party is a good excuse. Make certain that you throw a fine first anniversary for your friends next year and every year after that. Remember, though, unless you’re offering a straight up swap, it is rude with a capital ‘R’ to sleep with the other womans husband.
JC
The Denis Leary school of Advice Column Writing . . .
“Shut the fuck, up! Next!”
Dear Dopers:
I need your answer as soon as possible. I am Catholic. After we’d been married for some time and had children in their teens, my husband made me swear before a statue of Mary that if he died or we got divorced, I would never get married again. He took the same oath. A few years later, we divorced. That was 10 years ago; now I’m in my sixties, and I have kept my word. However, he has remarried.
My son and daughter-in-law are trying to set me up on a date with a man about my age. I want to keep my word to God, but my ex has broken his vow. Should I go on the date?
Dear Misguided Fool,
God is dead. Nothing you say or do will make any difference. We are all living in a spiritual vacuum. Go out with the guy. Don’t go out with him. Put out on the first date. Dress him up in women’s underwear and take pictures of him. Who gives a fuck? We’re all gonna die.
Sure, go on the date, unless it’s a date to be married. You can worry about your vow later, perhaps in consultation with your priest.
Wait! I remember this one!
Ann’s answer was something like, “well you don’t need to get romantically involved with this man. At any rate, talk to your priest for competent advice.”
Sorry, wrong answer.
(A possible) correct answer:
Your vow wasn’t to your ex-husband. If he broke his, that’s between him and the Statue of Mary. You’re stuck with the promise you made.
MY answer:
Don’t worry about it. Go on the date, hump his brains out. After all, you can’t be a very good Catholic if you got a divorce, can you? You’re already going to hell, enjoy yourself!
No, you don’t understand. It’s ok to get divorced, you just can’t remarry, because even if you’re civilly divorced, in the eyes of God and the Church, you’re still married. Get an annullment. Then talk to a priest, explain the situation. If the marriage was null to begin with, then you couldn’t have gotten a divorce, because you were never really married to begin with, so it’s ok for you to get married again. Which means the vow not to remarry is meaningless because you can’t remarry if you werent’ married to begin with.
I think.
I don’t really know, I’m just trying to pad my post count.