“Do you want some ice cream?”
“Sure! That sounds great!”
“Dish me a bowl, too. I only want a small scoop. Thanks.”
It’s like Lucy pulling away the football, every time.
For some reason, my man friend asks me repeatedly how much I paid for gas this week. WTF already, son?! I tell him every time that I don’t pay attention to such things. I have to buy the damn gas anyway, and I’m not about to drive across the state to find a station where I could save four cents per gallon. Sheeit, I have other things to fret over.
He also asks me what time I’d like to get up when I’m staying at his place. This is a nice polite thing to do, but I’ve explained over and over that it’s the weekend and I want to wake up when I wake up, could you just not set the goddamned alarm for once?
Some variation on “Why did you <insert mundane task here> that way? You know my way of doing it is the only proper way of doing <same mundane task>.” Over and over and over…
…and over.
Ooooh, I had one of those. No wonder you’re furious.
You could have saved yourself a lot of trouble by doing it the right way to start with.
What? My wife complain about me? Never 
“Are you done with that?”
“That” could be my dinner, a book, the lawnmower, a pile of laundry, whatever. If I turn my back on “that” for more than three seconds, it becomes a mess and must be cleared away instantly. Never mind that I walked away from the lawnmower because it’s 96 degrees outside and I wanted some water, or I set my book down because I was answering the phone. If I’m not actively using something, I’m done with “that” and should put it away.
I was asked this a lot in my last relationship as well (and I turned around and asked it a lot - our communication skills weren’t very compatible it seems), but some of those thoughts sound like they’d make for fascinating conversations.
The milk & beer thing could be very interesting (depends on the beer, I’d figure 
).
“What time are you coming home?”
See this is the thing; a lot of these things I’m happy to share with my wife; she’ll quite happily pick up the silly and we’ll have all kinds of strange but entertaining conversations. With my ex, though, if I ever told her what I was actually thinking, I’d get either a withering look or a blank stare. Sometimes she just plain wouldn’t believe me.
It turns out we just weren’t very compatible as people - for some reason, it took us five years to figure this out.
I actually tried that once. Interesting? Oh yes. I would definitely describe it as interesting. Tasty? No. Just no. The mixture is just wrong on a fundamental level. :dubious:
“What time is it?”
The context, here, is that we’re both sitting around the living room, playing around with our iPads. He has a clock right there! On his iPad! Just like I do! Why are you asking me? Just look at the thing in your hand!
“What do you want to do about dinner?”
I dream of one day answering “I want to eat the dinner you shopped for and prepared”. One day . . .
The best answer to that question that I’ve ever heard came from Al Bundy: “If I wanted you to know, I’d be talking!” My (much safer) answer is generally, “I was thinking about how much I love you.” I can survive the eye-roll.
But the question I get the most often is “which dress should I wear? The blue one or the red one?” (or shoes or shirt or purse or whatever). The true answer is, of course, that I don’t give a shit. But I always just repeat the second one. Fifty-fifty she’ll ignore my input anyway.
You’re a better man than I am then! 
The key to this is to take your time and look like you’re properly considering it (before just picking one at random). Gets me off the hook every time. Not that she usually takes any notice anyway.
“Is something the matter?”
Of course this is one of those land-mine questions. It’s frequently said with a challenge tone of voice, as in - “I think you think something is the matter so you better have a good answer! And if something is the matter you will get no sympathy from me! Because you probably think I am the problem, well let me tell you how wrong you are about that one, mister!”
Yeah, ain’t I the lucky one…
This one. He’s got one on his wrist, there’s one opposite the bed and one in the kitchen just in case he’s not fiddling with his phone or tablet.
Or she is sitting right beside the clock but is too damn lazy to turn her head.
Also “know what?” as a lead in to a statement. What, am I supposed to say “no what?”. I usually say "I’m not in the mood for a guessing game, just tell me. don’t say “Know what” like its a riddle or something.
“Did you realize?”
Jesus, I can’t believe anyone gets so aggravated by some of these questions. Are the dishes in the dishwater clean or dirty? I don’t know, or my wife might not know if she’s the one asking. It isn’t necessarily self evident because we generally rinse and wipe everything off thoroughly before loading it into the machine.
Similarly with questions like whether he/she wants anything from the store.
“What are you thinking?”
And then there was Midnight Jeopardy. This was where, after she worked up to a situation where we had had 2 children (we had none), she had died, and I had remarried, a series of questions about whether I’d let my new wife wear her clothes, how many photos of her would I have in our children’s bedroom, and other questions of this ilk. Me? I had to go to work in the morning and wanted to sleep. Near the end, I tried “Look, the vows were until death do we part. Once you’re planted, I’m a free man.” Then I headed for the sofa. Why bother waiting for the explosion.
The ex had serious control issues. And anger management issues. And, in light of that first question, boundary issues. The divorce was my idea.
Ha! Reminds me of an old joke:
“If I were to die, would you remarry?”
“Probably.”
“Would you and she sleep in this bed?”
“Yes, I imagine we would.”
“Would you go golfing with her like we do now?”
“Of course; I love to golf.”
“Would she use my clubs?”
“No, of course not. She’s left handed.”
!!!