Nothing. But, then again, I had read Kinsey and Hite Reports by age ten, and was an avid porn user by age twelve (hugely more difficult back in the late '80’s), so didn’t need any.
I remember my dad talking to me about controlling my impulses, about making foolish choices that have long-lasting consequences, actually in a pretty general way that I took as personal criticism. I felt embarrassed to be talking about these things (about which he knew a lot more than I did at the time, which I couldn’t quite acknowledge) and I felt the talk to be intrusive and excruciating. In retrospect, it was good advice and I wish I had gotten through some of my discomfort and had a real talk with him. I’m sure he was trying his hardest, and he did focus on the most important theme of the subject, (“Sex is tempting, and your body craves it, but it’s very dangerous as well”) but I had zero tolerance for that talk with him at any time. I ended up doing most of the stuff he warned me about: unprotected sex, thinking I was in love when I was mostly horny, etc.
Teenage embarrassment–will we develop a cure?
My dad told me only this: “If you get a girl pregnant then you are old enough to take care of yourself and them.” Basically, I’m on my own. I have to say that I knew he didn’t mean it that harshly, just wanted to impress the point on my young mind.
I did find my mom’s copy of “Everything you ever wanted to know about sex*”. Lot’s of good info for a 12 year old.
My wife and I have had a few talks with my son at various points in his life. He doesn’t like being told anything, so sex advice was not always welcome … but we did it.
- Young men know what “being a gentleman” means and I think most of them strive to be that way, even if they don’t always know how. All teenaged boys are not sex-crazed rape monsters. Maybe its’ because I only had boys but it’s the girls that are extremely aggressive these days. We have had a number of talks about avoiding compromising situations with girls, how to fend off the pushy ones, and how to say “no” so that they won’t be upset. The girls are the only ones who can get pregnant but the boys are the ones who can go to jail.
Word.
Another word.
Oh, I know! But given this (which I agree with 100%):
…in some ways I think it MORE important that a self-respecting *guy *knows the easiest fertile sign there is to check! A pro-choice girl can always choose to get an abortion if she’s fertile, has sex and gets pregnant. A pro-choice boy doesn’t have that same luxury. Since *most *women don’t even know when they’re fertile, and condoms have a contraceptive failure rate almost equal to withdrawal, it’s not a matter of trusting or not trusting - it’s a matter of gathering his own information to make a decision that could impact him greatly.
Plus, of course, his gathering that information gets the girl at least a little foreplay. 
I can’t just let that slide by.
Sorry dude, that sucks.
Do you have a cite for this as I find that hard to believe. Whilst I’m not having sex with women, I’ve never had an encounter with someone where the condom failed (either slipped off, got lost or broke), so I don’t know how they can’t be less reliable than a method that doesn’t involve condoms at all.
Compare that to withdrawal.
So actual failure of 15-28% using withdrawal compared to 2% failure in perfect use of condoms doesn’t seem that close to me.
My dad pulled me aside for “the talk” about a week after we had covered the mechanics of it in Health class. His talk came with a little more detail (the appearance and consistency of semen, for instance), but covered no new ground.
There was no more discussion on the topic until the night before I went away to college. Dad came into my room and basically told me there will be temptations while I’m there (‘will be’? what do you think I’ve been doing for the last 3 years?), but take it easy on the booze and the last thing you want at this point in your life is to have to support a child, so don’t allow that to happen. Then a wink and a playful punch on the shoulder, and he sent me on my way to conquer the world.
He didn’t say don’t have sex, and he didn’t say use a condom, he just said don’t become a daddy until you’re financially able and you’re ready to take that step.
It’s a little surprising, actually. My parents are both very devout and we were raised in a fairly strict Catholic household, but actions speak louder than words, and they made no secret of the fact that they enjoyed their drinks and sins of the flesh.
I don’t have boys, but my wife and I plan to be practical with our advice to our girls.
ETA: No need for them anymore, but I have a 100% lifetime effectiveness average for condom use.
WOAH! Stop right there, buddy, you are NOT ALLOWED to compare “perfect use” of one and “actual failure” of the other. Not fair at all. Especially for two methods which are exceptionally prone to user idiocy.
Perfect use failure rate of condoms is 2 pregnancies per 100 women in one year. Perfect use failure rate of withdrawal from your cite is 4 pregnancies per 100 women in one year, but most charts I’ve seen list it at 2.
Typical use is a bit different, but not *statistically *terribly so: 14 pregnancies for couples using male condoms 19 for couples using withdrawal. Women and their partners who use nothing at all can expect 85 pregnancies (all numbers per 100 women in one year of use). I leave you to draw your own standard deviation charts, 'cause my Statistics class was 15 years ago and I’ve forgotten how.
On second thought, since we’re discussing teens, these numbers are probably better. This chart shows typical and perfect use failure rates for people using that method for their first year. As expected, the typical use failure rates are higher, possibly because people new to a method make more mistakes (or people new to sex aren’t as conscientious about using contraception every time and are present in these stats at a higher rate than the gen pop.) Among this population, condom rate is at 15 and withdrawal at 27. Nothing at all is still at 85, but I question how that number was arrived at; it’s the same theoretical number as general charts, and I would not be surprised if it should be higher for teens. Fertile little buggers.
Second this. Because of menstruation, a little talk, however brief and misguided, is almost unavoidable (unless you want her bleeding all over the furniture or calling 9-1-1). It’s sad how many of the guys in this thread never even got that. I can’t imagine easy access to porn is making regular teen confusion any better. And while I know they’re not all sex maniacs, I still think more could be done beyond ‘No means no’ (i.e. 'drunk means no).
Too funny.
In my youth, I had at least two failures that I can think of right off, both with Durex Elites designed and used for vaginal intercourse. Broke, which was surprisingly hard to tell at the time - you still have the band around the base of the penis so it feels like there’s still something there.
Yeah, it does. But mom is reaping what she’s sown now that she has to face life knowing that she’ll never have grandchildren from any of her kids.
I had to give the talk, sort of, to a coworker in our early 20’s. We were stocking up the health care section of the store when he said that he didn’t know what women needed this stuff for anyway. I found out that he had no idea what a period even was. So I just quickly gave him the rundown on the whole monthly cycle. It was frightening that this guy, who had a girlfriend, did know something that to me was basic knowledge. My previously mentioned man-hater mom made sure that I knew every detail.