I’m a late bloomer to the series, getting weaned on the A&E reruns. Most of the more memorable lines are Briscoe’s, hands down. He always manages to say something totally inappropriate but cutting. Here are a few off the top of my head:
Episode where Briscoe and Curtis are trying to find a suspect who went into hiding, and they get his girlfriend to leave him a message on his cell phone. She tells him to meet at her apartment, and that she’ll be wearing her sexy red dress. They nab the guy, and as they’re leading him away, Briscoe tells him, “Sorry I didn’t wear my sexy red dress. It’s at the cleaners.”
Episode where Briscoe and Curtis are trying to find witnesses who are involved in a S&M ring: they show up at one girl’s apartment who’s on a S&M videotape they found. She’s throwing a birthday party for her mother. They ask her if she knows two suspects, and she says she doesn’t. Briscoe shows her the videotape and tells her, “We brought some entertainment for your party. Maybe your mother would enjoy it.”
Recent ep on A&E: during a riot, a black man pulls an Italian man out of his car, thinking he’s Jewish, and beats him to death. The defendent’s lawyer calls to the stand an expert on mob mentality, with the approach that the pervasive chaos of a mob situation can motivate otherwise good, law-abiding citizens to loot and kill, so therefore they should be acquitted for reasons of temporary insanity. The expert explains such examples as the Rodney King/LAPD riots.
D.A. Ben Stone asks him, “So you’re saying people who participated in the Rodney King riots are not accountable for their actions?” “That’s right.”
“So you’re saying that if a bunch of good ol’ boys get together, and they’ve got themselves a tree, some rope, some white hoods and find a lone black man…”“OBJECTION!”
One of the amazing abortion episodes. McCoy has a former abortion doctor turned anti-abortion activist on the stand. He gets her to admit that she considers herself a murderer, then demands that she be arrested, causing a stir until the judge says something like “May I remind you that abortion is legal in the country?” Niiice, McCoy.
Briscoe and Logan are interviewing two very old women, both very affectionate towards Lenny. As they walk away-
Logan: hey, I think that one likes you.
Briscoe: Maybe if I play my cards right…
I like McCoy’s line…he’s interviewing someone who’s saying that this guy is a likely suspect because he’s Irish, and “the micks always lose control and get violent.”. McCoy answers,
“Oh, Harrigan did it because he’s a Mick. Det. Logan’s a Mick. I’m a Mick, sir and if you don’t shut up, I’ll lose control and throw you out of the room.”
Adam’s lines are the ones that crack me up, but i cant seem to recall any dozies right now other than the time he walk into an elevator and says in disgust “Goodnight!”
There was a recent rerun of Special Victims Unit, where Mariska Hargitay had to say to a grieving widow.“Have you any idea why your husband was sodomized with a banana after his death?”. She managed to keep a straight face, but I`d bet money they needed a few retakes!
There’s one episode where a defense attorney is getting red in the face at some suggestion of McCoy’s and finally bursts out with furious passion:
“Wrong. Wrong in the facts, wrong in the law!”
Episode where a rich white male murder suspect is being interrogated, and they find out he is actually black and had been masquerading all these years: Lt. Van Buren orders everyone out of the interrogation room, sits down with him, and with a very icy look on her face, says to him, “Hello my brother.”
Later on she asks him “So when you were out with your rich white buddies at the golf club, did you laugh at their nigger jokes?”
It’s actually a *Homicide: Life on the Street * line but since Det. Munch is now on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit I’ll use it anyway.
A New York Yankees’ fan has been beaten to death in Oriole Park at Camdem Yards. Munch says, “We’ll have to check the statutes, but I don’t think this is a crime in Baltimore.”
My absolute favorite climax of an episode was in an early one. Stone has been prosecuting a woman for murder, while her attorney has been defending her as a young Irish widow who shot a creep who tried to rape her. Revelations during the episode show that it was actually a mob hit set up to look like self-defense. Stone asks her why she would do such a job for a crooked union boss:
Defendant: [My late husband] used to take out the problems of the world on my face. [Union boss] did me a favour.
Ben Stone: (shocked pause) Your husband died in a work accident.
Defendant: (shrug) You know the Church and divorce.
During last week’s episode, a lawyer’s wife is murdered in what originally appears to be an attempted carjacking. The perp grabs the hood ornament when he runs away. This matches the MO of a client of the lawyer’s, who wrote threatening letters to his former attorney after he was convicted. Briscoe and Green are talking to the suspect and his lawyer in the interrogation room, and the suspect’s lawyer says, “Listen, detectives, if you just look at his record you’ll notice that he only steals Mercedes hood ornaments. This is a Jaguar.” Lenny says, “Oh, in that case, why don’t we just release him, then?”
By Hooker, By Crook While booking a prostitute for solicitation after she complains that he lied: Sgt. Max Greevey - I’m allowed to lie. They pay me to lie.
Everybody’s Favorite Bagman While climbing a flight of stairs in a tenament walk-up Little Girl - Are you The Man? Greevey - We sure are, honey.
A Death in the Family Cassie Mills - Brutus had more guns than he had shoes. And baby, Brutus had shoes. During an interview where Brutus tries to snitch on a dirty cop: Brutus Walker - Now you’ll never know about the dealer Rennick whacked! Executive Asst. D.A. Ben Stone - You mean poor… little… Ricky?
The Violence of Summer While looking for evidence under a stoop: Greevey - Oh god, remind me never to eat dinner at your place. Det. Mike Logan - They’re perfectly good tongs, what am I going to do, throw them out?
Additional Mike Logan quote (but I don’t remember which episode) Greevey - What did you drag home last night? Logan - No, this one is really smart! (Holding his hands in front of his chest to show the size of her “IQ”)
Profile On the witness stand and asked if he can really remember the voice of the man who shot him Henry Jackson - I remember the voice of the first white man who told me that I couldn’t eat in his restaurant, I remember the voice of the doctor who told me I had a healthy baby boy, and I remember the voice of the man who pulled out a gun and shot me! (personally, I think this might be the best quote of the entire series, if only for the delivery of the actor, Joe Seneca)
Enola: those lines were spoken, respectively, by Stone and Schiff, not Henessy (the actress playing Claire Kincaid) and McCoy. The episode was titled Big Bang, from the fourth season.
From the same episode:
Logan: You think there’s any truth to that, how the universe will end?
Briscoe: Sometimes I’m just praying the week will end.
From Girlfriends, 6th season:
Briscoe: Did you know there’s a college whose rulebook says you have to ask permission for every stage of a make-out session? “May I touch you there?.. Thank you… Now can I unzip that?..Thank you.”
Curtis: Isn’t that what you do, Lenny? Beg?
Woman hires thug to kidnap her daughter to make her estranged husband a suspect. Turns out, thug was a serial sex offender and raped and killed her daughter. Mom pleads ignorance.
Mom: What are you talking about? I LOVED my daughter!
Sam Waterston: Yes, but you hated your husband more.