Me too.
“I’m in GIS.”
“Google Information Search?”
“Um, no”
I started way back when it was call AM/FM. (Automated Mapping and Facilites Management). I didn’t ever try to explain it other than “I make maps on Computers”.
When I worked cleaning a bank: “I’d love to have the keys to a bank.” Um, why? It’s just another building. Also got: “Can you get me some money/Get into the vault?” Sure, they have oodles of money laying out in the open for me to pick up/I can just waltz into the vault any time and scoop up money.
Now that I work with the student loan collections department: “Can you cancel out my loan?”
Most of the time, my job is not an object of interest. “Oh, a call center? That’s cool. So, how 'bout them Cubs?” Unless the person I’m talking to has ever worked in a call center. Then, we exchange battle scars!
Well you have to admit that Mercotanning isn’t that well known!
Old job: Brewery Quality Lab Supervisor - “So you drink beer for a living?”
Current job: Quality Manager for an adhesives/chemical company - usually something about horses being turned into glue.
When I told people that I was a bank teller, they would be incredulous that I wasn’t rich. Because of all that money I handled, of course.
But you at least know how to use the flowchart. So when someone says “my frombitzulator is quaffled”, you know to google frombitzulator to see what the fuck that is. You can reboot their machine. You can check to see if they are connected to the internet. You can run malwarebytes.
Librarian:
“oh I’d love to be able to read all day and get paid for it”
Me too. Most of the time I manage not to laugh in their face.
Also, "did you have to read ask the books in library?
I have two ways I can go:
“I’m a linguist.”
“Do you speak a lot of languages?”
“I’m an editor.”
“Really? Because I have some poetry right here that I wrote down and…”
(I tell them that I’m a very expensive editor.)
Every once in a while, to amuse myself, I just say:
“I steal small electronics from Target and resell them on eBay.”
A former coworker’s GF had just gotten a settlement for something like $20,000. They made plans to use the money to buy a bar. He thought that that meant that he’d be able to do nothing but sit around and drink all day.
If I say I’m a linguist, they say, “Do you speak a lot of languages?” If I say I’m an editor, they usually have a manuscript of science fiction or poetry to offer me.
Sometimes I amuse myself and just say: “I steal small electronics from Target and resell them on eBay.”
I work in a grocery store and people seem shocked and surprised that I haven’t tried every item we sell.
Oh, COME on! Don’t be like that! Spit 'er out.
Sorry. I swore that first post wasn’t appearing when I slapped together that second post of the same thing. 
[QUOTE=muldoonthief]
I write software for cable set top boxes.
[/QUOTE]
Hopefully you’re not involved with AT&T’s Uverse boxes.
I do computer security for a bank. My current specialty is with IBM System z9 and z10 mainframes running CICS, RACF and Top Secret. This tends to result in:
Do you carry a gun? Weapons are forbidden in this building. Besides, hackers tend to do their attacking from home.
Do you drive the armored trucks? A mainframe in an armored truck? We’d need some lon-n-n-g cables.
Can you get me any samples? Will you settle for some sugar packets from the cafeteria?
Can you fix my computer? Only if it runs z/OS. I don’t do Windows.
Can you fix my checking account? Nope. You’re not worth the prison time.
I say: “I teach English”
They say: “So, do you speak English well?”
or
“Which on is better: American or British English?”
I say: “I theach Peruvian/World History?”
They say: “When was (minor historical event)?”
When in Programming or working with Computers: “So you tell the computer what to do?” On the face of it not weird. Subsequent questions that make it clear that they literally mean “speaking to the computer like a person and telling it what to do” makes it weird.
When working Armored: “Can you steal a bag of money for me?” (at least half are serious, and some of them were offended that I wouldn’t do it for them because obviously I can do it for myself any time!)
When working Armed Security: “Can I buy your gun?” “How many people have you shot?” “Do you get to beat people up?”
Always love the (what I consider bizarre) attitude of people when you’re doing what they believe are “menial” jobs like customer service or security work. Plenty of that on this board. No, I’m not beneath you and you’re not above me. Get over yourself and may Karma solidly bite you in the ass and teach you some humility.
Another librarian one (because “It must be nice to read all day” has been taken)…
“So where do you really work?”
Because all library workers are volunteers and even though I spend 40 hours a week there, it’s because I love to volunteer and not because they pay me.
Me: I am a psychologist.
Other person: Are you analyzing me right now?
Me: Yes. Yes, I am.
I generally just break out into song.