Another thing, that I guess I thought was self-evident, is that I admire qualities in others that I lack myself. Generous and caring people are wonderful, but I’m a generous and caring person myself, so I wouldn’t list it here. I admire extreme examples of traits I value, such as perseverence in the face of oppression a la Nelson Mandela. Obviously I’m going to admire him because I’m never going to spend 30 years in prison and end apartheid. But really I admire people who are so unlike me in ways I wish I could be.
I admire people with a strong moral compass, or failing that, still try very hard with their weak moral compass to do what they think is right. People who are brave – not wrestle-a-bear brave, but speak-truth-to-power brave. People who are kind and compassionate. People who eschew the brutality of brutal honesty and speak the truth while employing tact. People who use their talents (whatever they are) in a positive, creative, life-affirming way, rather than to degrade or destroy, even though the latter might be to their direct benefit. People who keep their promises, whose word you can trust.
Generally speaking, people who say what they’re thinking without worrying whether or not people disagree with them. It’s true that these people do inadvertently hurt others’ feelings at times, but it’s out of cluelessness more than cruelty. I’m thinking specifically of my best friend, who is always so completely at ease with herself, her beliefs, her opinions. I’ve always been conscientious about everything, and she’s always just been unabashedly herself.
One example that comes to mind is when I tried out for drum major of my high school marching band (yessss… one of those.) After the audition I asked how I did. And she said, with no compunction whatsoever, “Eh… You weren’t the best and you weren’t the worst.” And when someone else got the part, my Grace said, “Yeah, well, she did better than you.” Some people might interpret that as rude, and obviously I got a little pissy hearing it, but when I really sit down and think about it, for every time she’s pissed me off there’s a time where she told me something I really needed to hear. And people need friends like that.
It varies from person to person, to me, since each individual has their own obstacles to overcome. But I tend to admire hard-workers, though that spans a broad spectrum. For example, one guy I worked with would get drunk very easily, but would always show up the next day working his ass off even as he was still sweating out booze, with no bitching or complaining. I admired that.
Gentle, kind, ethical, socially liberal, smart and funny. Doesn’t take self too seriously.
Ethical, to me, incorporates being honest, but tempering that honesty with knowing when it’s right to be honest and when it’s right to engage in the gentle falsehood.
