EIGHT MILLION WAYS TO DIE. Based on a great novel. The smelliest scene in a total stinkfest features the hero confronting the villain (a character who, so help me, DID NOT EXIST in the book) in a parking lot. They mumble threats at each other while ominous music plays. Eventually the music stops, but the scene goes on. It is exactly as if the composer said “oh, screw this,” and went home. I don’t blame him. I have heard that the actors improvised the scene, which might explain a lot.
THE POSTMAN. Again, a great book. If you watch this flick (why?) watch for the part where Costner falls down a hill and discovers a mail truck. For about fifteen minutes thereafter you are actually looking at the plot of the book. Then we wander off again into Costnerland. Sigh.
FLETCH. Not as bad as the other two, I admit. But talk about not having faith in your material. The whole point of the book is that there are TWO SEPARATE CRIMES, connected only by Fletch. That was obviously too complicated for a movie audience to grasp so the filmmakers arranged it so that by COMPLETE COINCIDENCE the villain in one conspiracy was also the villain in the other. Because, hey, this was the eighties and every businessman in a movie is a drug kingpin, right?
THE HOURS!!! I had the hardest time staying awake during that crap. If it wins an Academy Award, then I think that whoever’s in charge needs to get their heads checked.
Dipping into the past (but then, I’m a geezer) my list would have to include On A Clear Day You Can See Forever, a Streissand picture from the last century that was right down there with Yentel, another Streissand picture from the last century. And I like Streissand. No, really!
If anyone mentioned it and I missed it, I apologize, but I couldn’t sit through MI2, (Mission Impossible II for those who haven’t at least tried to see it).
Eegah was listed, but I thought it was so bad it was funny, sort of like a pre-historic Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes, which I actually liked for the same reason. Both had to be comedies, right?
Fatal Beauty with Whoopi Goldberg was pretty lousy.
The recent Disney made for TV version of The Music Man sucked, but there is a whole thread on that.
Many more, but I’m too sleepy to remember them.
I never saw Santa Sangre, but at Hamlet’s suggestion I will avoid it. (Really pumped up the old post count, didn’t ya Hamlet. You might qualify to change your name to Whole Ham.)
Ugh, I had to kill a couple hours and I was near a theatre, so I stopped in and then only thing playing was Inspector Gadget. I watched it, fell asleep after a few minutes, woke up later on. Based on what I actually saw, I think the makers of that movie should have their fingernails gouged out of their skin with rusty spoons - they ruined a classic cartoon memory from my childhood - bastards
I can’t believe that after 4 pages no one’s mentioned Ghosts of Mars. Bad, bad bad movie. Of course there’s also Ghost World which was so bad that I’ve blocked it out of my mind. I’d also like to second the vote for Blue Velvet. There’s just so many. I rent at least two or three a month…
i watched event horizon while tripping on acid, it was so fucking good…i rented it the next week to see it again and i agree, it sucked…trust me though, acid will make any of these movies mentioned really great…
my pick is star ship troopers, at the movies…i hate the people that made me go too…
I agree 100%.
It was my “Santa Sangre”. Take Hamlets hatred and multiply it 100 fold. That is my hatred for this nonsense.
That is all I will say about that “masterpiece.”
How about “Heavens Gate” which ended Micheal Cimino’s (Deer Hunter) career? SO bad it must be seen. And get the long version. The first release that they pulled from theatres in horror. They cut it up and rereleased it. Still bad, not as long.
“Curly Sue” which I took my daughter to see. I swear to God I almost wrote to the producers demanding my money back. It was obvious it was done in about 3 weeks total, only TO MAKE SOME QUICK MONEY. Insulting, and then they marketed it for kids, so all of us parents had to take them.
Yes, and what could be more believable than nine assholes led by Patrick Swayze slaughtering thousands of crack Soviet paratroopers? A dreadful, horrible movie.
I actually like mixed nuts and the burbs, infact I loved them. The third austin powers was the best. I hate to say that I didn’t think too much about any of the Star Wars films. Sorry guys don’t hate me for it.
Wow, am I the only one on this Board who absolutely Hated Left Behind?
The Book was readable. The Movie was absolutely horrible. Only God knows why someone would think that movie would convince anyone towards the authors’ point of view.
" Queen of the bloodbath" I saw it as a kid. It was about Astronauts who landed on a planet and were captured by the locals so they could be killed and drained and the queen could bathe in their blood. All I remember!
Plot summary: Johnathan Cabot is a champion gymnast. In the tiny, yet savage, country of Parmistan, there is a perfect spot for a “star wars” site. For the US to get this site, they must compete in the brutal “Game”. The government calls on Cabot, the son of a former operative, to win the game. Cabot must combine his gymnastics skills of the west with fighting secrets of the east and form GYMKATA!
Quote from a review: One classic scene involves Kurt Thomas just happening to find a pommel-horse in the middle of a village square (which he uses to pummel the bad guys.)
A more likely scenario is that no one here went to see the film. We tend to be somewhat diffident towards entertainment based upon Tribulation “theology”.
