Oh wait, i forgot to add a stinker:
Practical Magic
Ecks vs. Sever - wow was that bad
Dude where’s my car - even for a lame brained comedy it was still awful
Bram Stoker’s Dracula - I paid 50 cents to see the movie and 25 cents for popcorn. I was robbed.
Brainscan - 96 minutes of my life gone, gone, gone.
Starship Troopers - Things I Learned From Starship Troopers (not my list, but covers a fair amount of what was wrong with it)
When I got my newspapers this morning, there were following headlines:
SANTA SANGRE CONVICTED ON ALL 231 COUNTS OF CHILD-MURDER
and
SANTA SANGRE CALLS HITLER HIS “PUPPET,”, AND CLAIMS RESPONSIBILITY FOR HOLOCAUST
and
SANTA SANGRE STEALS LOLLIPOP FROM CHILD WHILE KICKING A DOG AND PISSING ON THE POPE
I HATE SANTA SANGRE!!!
I second (third, fourth?) Wild, Wild West.
Saw it for free on a “free HBO/Showtime weekend” and wanted to ask them for some kind of refund. Horribly campy, yet not at all funny. Of course, Will Smith tried to do even worse with MIB 2, but couldn’t quite pull it off.
Heinlein movies:
Destination Moon – good but pretty dull today. See the review of it on the site “And You Call Yourself a Scientist”. Supposedly based – loosely – on the juvenile novel “Rocket Ship Galileo”. Read Heinlein’s own article about how it got made. It’s in several anthologies, including (I think) Requiem.
Operation Moonbase – supposed to be a TV series, it got re-cut into a movie when the funding ran out. A bizarre mix of the best and the worst of Heinlein. Some of this takes your breath away because it’s so clever, and the rest takes your breath away because it’s so apalling.
The Brain Eaters – I think. unauthorized lifting of some ideas from “The Puppet Masters”
Starship Troopers – they got the look down, but the philosophy and science completely wrong. The worst disconnect between filmakers and their source material ever. Heinlein must be spinning in his grave.
Robert Heinlein’s The Puppet Masters – again, they got some of this right and some completely wrong. When you read the “making of…” essay on l;ine you realize how much worse it could have been, but you mourn for how bad it is. Why in Heinlein’s name did they switch the action to today, and change so much stuff. Again, they got some of it wonderfully right, but that doesn’t make up for the most of it they got wrong.
One of these days they’ll do a decent job on a Heinlein book or story. The man hasn’t had a proper chance yet. But so few sf authors do
Heinlein movies:
Destination Moon – good but pretty dull today. See the review of it on the site “And You Call Yourself a Scientist”. Supposedly based – loosely – on the juvenile novel “Rocket Ship Galileo”. Read Heinlein’s own article about how it got made. It’s in several anthologies, including (I think) Requiem.
Operation Moonbase – supposed to be a TV series, it got re-cut into a movie when the funding ran out. A bizarre mix of the best and the worst of Heinlein. Some of this takes your breath away because it’s so clever, and the rest takes your breath away because it’s so apalling.
The Brain Eaters – I think. unauthorized lifting of some ideas from “The Puppet Masters”
Starship Troopers – they got the look down, but the philosophy and science completely wrong. The worst disconnect between filmakers and their source material ever. Heinlein must be spinning in his grave.
Robert Heinlein’s The Puppet Masters – again, they got some of this right and some completely wrong. When you read the “making of…” essay on l;ine you realize how much worse it could have been, but you mourn for how bad it is. Why in Heinlein’s name did they switch the action to today, and change so much stuff. Again, they got some of it wonderfully right, but that doesn’t make up for the most of it they got wrong.
One of these days they’ll do a decent job on a Heinlein book or story. The man hasn’t had a proper chance yet. But so few sf authors do
Heinlein movies:
Destination Moon – good but pretty dull today. See the review of it on the site “And You Call Yourself a Scientist”. Supposedly based – loosely – on the juvenile novel “Rocket Ship Galileo”. Read Heinlein’s own article about how it got made. It’s in several anthologies, including (I think) Requiem.
Operation Moonbase – supposed to be a TV series, it got re-cut into a movie when the funding ran out. A bizarre mix of the best and the worst of Heinlein. Some of this takes your breath away because it’s so clever, and the rest takes your breath away because it’s so apalling.
The Brain Eaters – I think. unauthorized lifting of some ideas from “The Puppet Masters”
Starship Troopers – they got the look down, but the philosophy and science completely wrong. The worst disconnect between filmakers and their source material ever. Heinlein must be spinning in his grave.
Robert Heinlein’s The Puppet Masters – again, they got some of this right and some completely wrong. When you read the “making of…” essay on l;ine you realize how much worse it could have been, but you mourn for how bad it is. Why in Heinlein’s name did they switch the action to today, and change so much stuff. Again, they got some of it wonderfully right, but that doesn’t make up for the most of it they got wrong.
One of these days they’ll do a decent job on a Heinlein book or story. The man hasn’t had a proper chance yet. But so few sf authors do
Flight of the Navigator?
I’ll just limit my responses to movies I hated but critics liked.
Natural Born Killers (I get the feeling I’m going to get flamed for that one)
The Piano
The Pillow Book.
plastic conspiracy:
Leonard Part 6.
Damn you to the mindless piping chaos for reminding me of that film.
My memory of it is tied to a large, smelly urban woman sitting behind me saying “Them be bad-ass crabs” several times loudly during the lobster sequence.
Damn you.
Zimbu: that link was priceless!
Moontrap, with Walter Koenig: it was rancid, and so was his “performance.”
First off, let me say I respect the opinions of everybody here, even though some of you are clearly WRONG.
Now… am I to be the first to mention this movie? Maybe others have managed to suppress the memory of seeing it. I had read reviews, and heard things, and still couldn’t believe the descriptions were accurate.
Then it came on cable, and before I knew it, my field of vision was being polluted by Freddy Got Fingered.
Want my review? Here’s my review (ahem):
“Jesus Wept.”
There, that’s my review.
Speaking of Jesus:
And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having pretentious buttheads and no plot, and upon his horns mindless violence, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.
And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty and two months.
And he opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, to blaspheme his name, and his tabernacle, and them that dwell in heaven.
And it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them: and power was given him over all kindreds, and tongues, and nations.
And all that dwell upon the earth shall worship him, whose names are not written in the book of life of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.
If any man have an ear, let him hear.
He that leadeth into captivity shall go into captivity: he that killeth with the sword must be killed with the sword. Here is the patience and the faith of the saints.
And he doeth great wonders, so that he maketh fire come down from heaven on the earth in the sight of men,
And deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by the means of those miracles which he had power to do in the sight of the beast; saying to them that dwell on the earth, that they should make an image to the beast, which had the wound by a sword, and did live.
Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and it is SANTA SANGRE.
Hmm. Let me go after some high profile movies that I really hated
Clockwork Orange
Eyes Wide Shut (No I don’t hate Stanley;)
Fight Club
WaterWorld
A.I. (Had really high hopes for the movie)
Thin Red Line
MIB II
Wild Wild West
Chasing Amy
So Hamlet, I take it you thought Santa Sangre had a few flaws?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Hammer *
**Hmm. Let me go after some high profile movies that I really hated
**
**
Eyes Wide Shut sucked. A Clockwork Orange, OTOH, is a film you should only be permitted to hate if you also admit that it’s a film of quality.
**
You either love or hate Kevin Smith. If you don’t like his humour, you don’t like his films. (Anyone disliking the “Star Wars is racist” skit should be shot, however.
Fight Club is also a film that you either relate to or you don’t. Me, I do - but YMMV.
**
Come on - no movie in which Kevin Costner drinks his own piss can be all bad.
**
A.I. is a great movie - if you leave when David finds the Blue Fairy. It’s only the last half-hour that wrecks it.
**
WWW was not of the best. MiB2 was more of the same, but the same was good enough in the first place to survive it. Compared to the first, it’s not good. Compared to most of the other crap out there, it’s not bad.
http://us.imdb.com/Title?0112599
Burial of the Rats
Plot Summary:
In 19th Century France, a young Bram Stoker is captured by a man-hating, all-female cult of furry thong bikini wearers. Aided by flesh-eating rats, the warrior women raid the lairs of evil men and punish them. Our hero must decide between his wish to escape the dangerous cult and his love for one of its members.
Note: Queen of the Rat Women is Adrienne Barbeau!
I saw this movie late at night while traveling in India. It was just as cheesily horrific as the plot summary describes.
Torso
Need I say more?
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective – I don’t know which of the Pythons said it, but I think it was Palin.
<paraphrase>
You can’t just dress a guy up like a Viking and then hit him on the head with a chicken. You’ve got to make it make sense!
</paraphrase>
The gags just didn’t make sense. Why, oh, why, would someone start talking with his ass to his boss… FOR NO REASON?
Training Day – yes, I know that Denzel got an Oscar for it, but, when I watch cop dramas/morality plays, I want closure. And subplots that make sense. “OK, good cop, bad cop… following… following… deep undercover… gotcha… Russian mob… huh?”
Congo – a perfectly good waste of Bruce Campbell. (He died in the very first scene. I think he said “Aaaah!”)
Knock Off – Jean-Claude Van Damme and Rob Schneider. I think it was about bootleg shoes. I don’t remember. I decided that I was going to do a shot every time I saw something I didn’t approve of – bad edits, unmotivated dialogue, bad dialogue, stupid stuff – and wound up passing out not even halfway thru the movie.
Black Valor – terrible, terrible movie. Just trust me on this. Longest 90 minutes of my life.
Only movie I’ve ever walked out of was 20 years ago…Where the Buffalo Roam. Bill Murray as Hunter S. Thompson. Don’t remember anything about it.
More recent stinkers, that I’m surprised haven’t been mentioned:
First Knight
Face/Off. These two are so offensively stupid that they actually make me angry.
Runaway Bride. Contrary to appearances, I have nothing against Richard Gere. This was so contrived, so stupid, so forced…“we’re making a romantic comedy, dammit!”
Austin Powers 2. I really liked AP 1. I really really dislike Fat Bastard and poopy jokes. And sometime stop Mike Meyers from doing another Scots accent.