What are the worst movies you've ever seen?

Cafe Society
141

Reign of Fire. That movie was horrible. Weak plot, bad acting, and there’s one scene (at least) where they use strawberry jelly for blood.
Austin Powers 2. The first one was hilarious. The third one had its moments. (It’s worth renting for the Godzilla scene-I wouldn’t buy it though.) The second one…ugh. Thankfully I don’t remember much. I just remember that I didn’t watch all of it.
There was this one 80s flick that was about this kid in the 70s who disappears and isn’t seen again until 1986 or something. The alien that abducked (sp?) him has to help get him back into the 70s. Or something like that. They showed in elementary school once a year when there was nothing better to do.

Hamlet…it’s gonna be okay.:smiley:

142

Glad to see I’m not the only one who thatough this was a replusive film.

[let the flaming begin]

Speaking of sacred cows, is there anyone out there who thinks The Shawshank Redemption blew chunks as well? I found it hard to disagree with the message, but it was so melodramatic and manipulative that it made me wretch.

[/let the flaming begin]

143

It’s hard to resist the temptation to defend all the movies I like that have been panned in this thread. I’ll confine myself to this one: I thought The Wrong Guy was hysterical!! I watched it twice last week.

The running gag on his inability to come up with a good alias is priceless in its conception and execution. Enema Bag Jones? How can you not laugh?

Here are the worst movies that come to my mind:

Leonard Pt. 6

Highlander 2

Gettysberg

Sweet Home Alabama

Men In Black 2

Collateral Damage

144

I think the big sponsor on this one was McDonald’s - they ponied up like 20% of the budget or something, IIRC…

hrh

145

Movies I’ve walked out on :

McHale’s Navy - I’ve never seen a movie so intent on being a comedy, yet so dreadfully unfunny. Embarrasingly bad for all involved.

The Navigator - a kids’ sci-fi film, I believe. I left after 30 minutes, went to the bookstore, and shoplifted part of a Penthouse Magazine. This was about 17 years ago.

Batman and Robin

Troop Beverly Hills - Shelley Long is den mother to rich Girl Scouts, or sumpin like that. Horrendous.

hrh

146

I agree, The Color Purple was an awful movie and… Oh, wait, I thought… never mind.

147

Hey, everybody:

Starship Troopers.

Oh my dear lord…let me just tell you a few things about it:

–director Paul Verhoven (sp?) claimed it was a satire about fascism, but it sure comes off like a Nazi recruiting film.

–Said director takes sadistic delight in showing young hardbody actors being sliced, diced, beaten, mutilated, carved up, impaled, stabbed, and getting their brains sucked out by giant bugs.

–You can’t really care about what happens to any of the characters, because there’s just no reason to.

The only thing that might make it worth renting on cheapo day is the fact that it is so campy and so jaw-droppingly bad that you might find it entertaining just as an example of how wrong a movie can go.

148

Yes, that’s how satire works - by showing what the thing it’s satirising is like. (Not to mention that Verhoeven grew up in Nazi-occupied Holland, and is the last person who would make a genuine recruiting film.)

**

And wasn’t it glorious?

What do you mean, no? All the recruiting vids showed us how glorious going to war and fighting was…

149

Satire only works if it’s done properly, as in “A Modest Proposal” or “The Lottery.” What I’m saying is that ST didn’t succeed in this respect.

150

Another for Hollow Man. The last third of the movie was just a very high budget slasher film with supposedly brilliant scientists acting as dumb as the teenagers that usually populate slashers.

Every Girl Should Be Married, an alleged romance movie starring Cary Grant. The delusional “heroine” stalks Grant’s character until he agrees to marry her. I think this movie would be great remade, but as a horror this time. You wouldn’t even have to change a word for the first 20 minutes.

Crazy Six. See Rob Lowe play a scruffy drug addict with a Texan accent! See Mario van Peebles hang out with a chihuahua! See Burt Reynolds wonder what happened to his career! See Ice T play the main villian despite being on screen for about one minute! See the actress who played Riley’s wife on an episode of Buffy inexplicably fall for an addict she barely even knows! See why you should never watch a movie directed by Albert Pyun!

Neon Maniacs. Lame mid-80s horror movie. It had to include a Battle of the Bands with three full musical numbers just to pad out the running time. Sadly, these songs are the best part of the movie. Plus, the movie doesn’t end, it just stops. I hate when movies do that.

The Demolitionist. Have you ever wondered what Robocop would be like if it starred an actress from Baywatch? Me neither, but someone must have.

Caligula, the 100 minute version. Words fail me.

151

Oh, yeah? Then explain the Grand Prix in Monaco, driven on normal roads, where at least 3 cars[sup]1[/sup] always reach the finish line, having covered 300 kilometers.

My mention, which is a first in this thread if I scanned throughly enough: The Bodyguard, or why Whitney Houston shouldn’t act. God, that was so bad it hurt. Only movie I ever walked out on. Gah!

[sup]1[/sup] Real F1 buffs will know the year, and winner, I’m refering to. :slight_smile:

152

I mean Santa Claus Defeats the Martians has some camp entertainment value, but Magnolia ? The Hours ? What were those about?

153

Hijacking the thread here for a moment, I beg your indulgence…

My wife used to be, like, this massive Heinlein freak. We used to have big fights about it, chiefly because I thought he was capable of far better and it made me froth at the cerebrum with fury that he got away with sloppiness, and people paid him good money to do it. Anyway, while he’s not the constructor of puzzle boxes that Asimov was, nor the lyricist that Bradbury was, he was one of the Big Honkin’ Sci-Fi Pioneers. (He was the only one of said pioneers I can think of who was willing to make his female characters heroes, so I’ve got a soft spot in my heart for that part, at least.)

I can only think of three of his books that were made into movies: one of 'em was called, I believe, “A Journey to the Moon” and it came out in the late 50s or early 60s. (That title sounds wrong…) Then there was a Donald Sutherland vehicle in… um… the late 70s or early 80s based on “The Puppet Masters”. And then there was the one that always seemed to me like Heinlein’s potential redemption, “Starship Troopers”.

Now, “Starship Troopers” struck me as Heinlein’s most deliberately cinematic work, and the one most likely to translate successfully to cinema. And God knows it could’ve used some rewrites (at least, as far as I was concerned). So along comes Paul Verhoeven–yippee skippee! He’s a-gonna do him a Heinlein novel on screen!

Well, the resulting movie appears to have been both an exercise in CGI and a parody of Heinlein’s easily-misunderstood ruminations on partiotism and the military. Heinlein fans were, predictably, not happy, and I think the reasoning went thusly: “Hollywood has never bothered to do a straight treatment of Heinlein. And a Heinlein movie appears, on average, once every two decades. You’ve used the source material as a joke. Uh-uh, brother.”

Part of this may be my guilt–my own rampant and atrocious fun-making of Heinlein dissuaded my wife from reading, and enjoying, his work. She hasn’t picked one up in years.

Returning to your regular thread now, thanks for your time.

154

Heinlein had credits of some sort – think they were writing credits, but I’m not sure – on a really dreadful SF flick called “Project Moonbase” that came out on the 50s. I only know of it because MST3K “did” it.

155

I believe Monaco’s roads either don’t have camber or have one-way camber. Since the purpose of camber is to ship rain off the road, being on the Med Monaco doesn’t really need it much.

156

Additional: F1 cars can also have their suspension adjusted to cope with camber, as has happened in the odd street circuit race before (Phoenix in the early 90’s, for example). However, a car configured for a track race driven on regular roads would be destroyed.

157

Corky Romano. Crap, crap, crap. The dog with the cocaine, the “undercover nurse” bit, the gratuitous gay guys at the end, the whole “Pissant” thing, UGH! The only funny bit was the ties. But only because I like ties.

The Crocodile Hunter Movie. Steve Irwin was funny about four years ago. Now he’s kind of cliche. I mean, he loves his job, which is really great, but his job is helping animals, not acting!!! Jesus Chruist on a bicycle, that was a crappy movie.

158

Reagan-era teenagers defeat an invading Soviet Army. Red Dawn

159

They don’t defeat them, just kill a lot of them befoe all getting killed themselves.

160
  1. Whipped
  2. Batman and Robin
  3. Waterworld
  4. Home Alone 2

Of course, there are many movies I have been spared from watching due to reviews of Good Samaritans, such as

Dude, Where’s my Car?