What do you have against David Rasche?
Crutches
Yankee stadium
Jupiter
The SDMB server
An open umbrella
A mammoth (wooly or otherwise)
Candalabras
A Ford Model T (Available in any color you want as long as it’s black. And once you go black…)
One’s Grandparents
Tears in the fabric of space and time
Girl scout cookies
Girl scouts
Time machines
The Wheel of Fortune
Grapefruit spoons
Pringles (in or out of the can)
Stray dogs
Anything that could be accurately described by the phrase “from beyond the grave”
Nothing. That’s why I specified sledgehammer and not Sledge Hammer(!).
Oh yeah, and an elephant penis should never be inserted into a vagina (well, at least a human one).
Steam irons
Death gods (although that falls under the category of “beyond the grave”)
Pirates
Ninjas
Mardi Gras beads
National monuments
Chimpanzees, educated or otherwise
the 405 freeway at rush hour, or at any other time
CD jewel cases
the complete works of T. Coraghessan Boyle
T. Coraghessan Boyle himself, for that matter (man, I love his name)
Disney characters
ice plant
grapefruits
a Hoover Dustette
-A helicopter
-£100,000
-A complete set of steak knives in a presentation box.
-Seven tickets to see the Brazilian National Mime Theatre at the Riverside Studios.
-A little can terrier named Bobby.
-One of them little black rubber things, you know them little black rubber things that go “nee nee nee nee”.
-The complete memoirs of Donald Sinden…
Candiru.
twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one
I object!! My husband is a ninja. He should definitely be inserted, preferrably as often as possible. 
Sticks. Especially those imbedded with rusty nails, screws, glass shards and razor wire.
Eleven lords a-leaping are right out as well.
Ummm…what the hell is a little black rubber thing that goes “nee nee nee nee”?
Meat thermometer
Hubble Space Telescope
A time capsule
Blacklight posters
an ex-parrot
bottle of hot sauce
metal file
bicycle pumps
bicycle seat post
scissors
computer hard drive (esp. when powered)
hair dryer
barber’s sharpening strop
Hilary Clinton
the Chrysler Building
live turkeys
shower curtains
yogurt
Too late!
Fire.
Vaseline jars
Alternating current
Igneous rocks
Napalm
Anti-bacterial soap
anything with a frick’n lazer beam on it’s frik’n head
Mr. T