Assume you are lucky enough to be a close friend of the Master. Christmas is approaching and you must buy him a present in accordance with his undisputed status as the smartest man alive.
What would you give him? On the other side of the coin, what would you like him to give you?
What would you give to the mods? To your doper friends?
I will start it off:
**Quasar’s SDMB Christmas List **
Cecil: a big hat. I assume that he must have an incredibly large head, one that is spacious enough as to be capable of housing his obscenely immense brain. To that effect I will give him a gigantic hat that could conformably fit his oversized neck appendage.
Manhattan: an automatic thread mover. I am talking about an AI-based program that reads every post from every GQ thread and immediately dispatches it to the correct forum if the situation requires so. He could even personalize it to select, from a predetermined list of sarcastic, witted, cleverly structured remarks, which one should be attached to the exiled thread as a justification for its banishment.
Chronos: a theory of quantum gravity. I already assembled a team of top-notch scientists to accomplish this task by Christmas. Got them working like mad on a 24/7 schedule. No TV, no sex, no nothing. Just work; work, work, work. I figure, if they haven’t done jackshit in 70 years to solve the fundamental enigma of how to copulate GR with QM, maybe if you oblige them to work like crazy they will finally render results and accomplish the task by the time the new millennium rolls by, at the latest.
Among the ones already enslaved, I mean, enlisted: Stephen Hawking, Roger Penrose, Kip Thorne. I am even considering cloning dead scientists so they can give them a hand. I am talking Einstein, Dirac, Heissenberg and the such. Already got their families’ consent to extract DNA from their decaying corpses. 
To be continued in a future post…
Almost forgot, what do I want from Cecil? A message welcoming me to the board will suffice. I can just imagine the ecstatic joy that would invade my electromagnetic-waves-emanating-ass upon receiving such a magnanimous invitation. Wow, being the 20th doper to be personally welcomed to the SDMB by Unca Cec himself. Now, that will be…perfection.
