What are you people, ON DOPE?!?!

The BBQ Pit
1

Here in the greater Boston metropolitan area, there is one thing more common than tiny lawns and two-family homes:

Pedestrians.

Now, I’ve been a pedestrian quite a few times as well. I don’t drive to most places because they’re just so damn close, and the hassle of parking is far worse than just taking the T for a semi-pleasant air-conditioned ride.

And I’m a polite pedestrian. This rant is not about polite pedestrians. This rant is not about polite pedestrians. Please understand, there are millions of pedestrians I have no problem with, and this rant is not about them.

Why, you ask, am I a polite pedestrian?

A few things I feel are common sense:
[li]You do not have the right-of-way, pedestrian.[/li]Yeah, I know “pedestrians have the right of way” but IMO you don’t have the right of way unless it is given to you or you boldly take it. Car-to-car, hombre-a-hombre, no problem. Man-to-car? Shyeah, right. I am polite to things that can kill me. A 200 pound man cannot “take” the right of way from .5-2 tons of vehicle. Ever. Anyone who thinks so is a fucking idiot.

[li]There are “Walk/Don’t Walk” signs for a reason.[/li]The same reason, in fact, there are traffic lights. To control the flow of moving things in high-traffic areas. Running fast in front of my car doesn’t make me have to slow down any less to avoid hitting your stupid ass.

[li]Your baby’s carriage will not protect the baby from having a vehicle cash your child’s brains in. Similarly, holding a baby in your arms will not save a child from becoming road splatter.[/li]How fucking hard is it to care for a child? I would think “Do not run, walk, or otherwise engage oncoming traffic with child” should be obvious enough. Do hospitols need to start putting stickers on children when they send them home? Like those stupid screen windows with stickers, “Not meant to support a person” or some shit. MAN, how do we breed these fucking people? Shouldn’t they kill themselves off or something?

[li]Vehicles do not come equipped with pedestrian detectors.[/li]You might think they do: the driver. In many cases this “driver” can be considered a pedestrian detector. Just like in many cases a pedestrian can be considered not-an-idiot. Personally, given the number of bad drivers out there (insurance laws for a reason folks), I would not want to pit my flimsy skeleton up against two thousand pounds of steel on the “guess” that the “driver” is some wholly aware, compentent, and not-talking-on-cellphone kind of person. Having driven behind thousands of these “drivers” I just wouldn’t take the chance. I get a little paranoid sometimes when I’m in my own two thousand pound vehicle; shorts and a t-shirt just don’t compare.

[li]Vehicles really don’t come with pedestrian detectors.[/li]Yes, I am repeating myself. It needs to be done, because, fuckhead that you are, you still feel pedestrians have the right-of-way by law and so you are immune from harm when you cross the street. If you jump out in front of a car to rush across the street because you couldn’t wait one fucking minute for the “WALK” signal, my vehicle is wholly dependent on friction, rolling friction, mechanical parts, and my reaction time to stop before it crushes your stupid ass, empty head, and assorted meats. There is no other “safety” device there. HONEST.

[li]In a struggle between two tons of steel and flesh and bone, steel always wins.[/li]Only modern, liberalized, pampered, taxed humans could be so stupid to think that a few laws will actually protect them from simple laws of physics regarding momentum transfer during a collission. Yes, in other words dear pedestrian— YOU ARE FUCKING DELUSIONAL AND STUPID. Your only chance for regaining some semblence of humanity is to actually be hit by a car, wherein a few revelations might happen. If you don’t die, of course.

WARNING TO ALL PEDESTRIANS
I am close to going “postal” on pedestrians, and driving like they fucking meander around town. Oh, want to just jog across “real quick” anywhere in the road? Well, I’ll just run this red light “real quick” by driving up on the sidewalk. Pedestrians have the right-of-way on the road, then I must have the right-of-way on the sidewalk; simple enough. Oh, feel like you can saunter across the street any time you want, “knowing” that someone will stop? Well, no problem. I’ll just drive across intersections “knowing” you’ll get out of the fucking way.

FUCK YOU. You turn a great town into a fucking headache.

2

I live in a college town and have proposed that all freshmen have to take the following quiz:

  1. It is okay to walk out in front of a moving car when:

a) you are in a crosswalk.
b) you have a “Walk” sign.
c) you have the right-of-way.
d) YOU’RE SOMEHOW IMMUNE TO THE FORCE OF TONS OF STEEL IMPACTING YOUR STUPID CENTER-OF-THE-UNIVERSE IDIOT FRESHMAN BODY. You may have the right of way, but you know what? It’s possible to be “right” and STILL be smeared on the grill of a car. The car always wins, kid. It’s not right, but it’s true.

For a while there were signs here on corners explaining what “Walk” and “Don’t Walk” mean. I’m serious. I mean, how much more clear than “Walk” and “Don’t Walk” can you get?

3

I am almost exclusively a pedestrian and I agree with you, erislover.

The people I hate are the ones who inch off the sidewalk into traffic as if they are trying to steal home plate while they wait for the light to change, forcing drivers to swerve slightly to avoid them, forcing the cars in the next lane to swerve to avoid the swerving cars…I’ve seen so many near-accidents caused by this.

4

I agree. You can be “right” and still end up smeared all over the front of a Chevy. Being a pedestrian does require a bit of common sense, which is, of course, not so common anymore.

I especially agree about the baby carriages. And I’d like to add my own $0.02…

Dear Women Pushing Baby Strollers:

I find it amazing that your children are still alive. Everywhere you walk, you lead with the stroller. Let me clue you in on something: You are not pushing a Safeway shopping cart, assheads. There is a living human being in that stroller.

Every day, I see you engage in extremely risky behavior, namely:

  1. Pushing your stroller out into traffic while you remain safe and sound on the curb.

  2. Nudging people, dogs, cars, bike messengers, etc. out of your path with your stroller.

  3. Jogging with your stroller.

  4. Going up and down escalators without taking your baby out and folding up your stroller.

  5. Generally being an idiot pedestrian by treating your stroller as a personal deflector shield instead of a vehicle for a very young and very defenseless child.

Please cut the shit. You’re making me nervous. I don’t want to hear about baby splatter on the 10 PM news.

Yours in health and safety,
THespos

5

I agree—it’s up to us pedestrians to be extra-careful, as it’s us (not the drivers) who will get squished like bugs and wind up on “Trauma: Life in the ER.”

My main complaint, as a pedestrian, is that NO ONE USES TURN SIGNALS ANYMORE. I have to KNOW if you are going straight or turning, if I am to avoid getting squished! When I see you at the interestion with no turn signal on, I—silly, fluffy-bunny me!—assume you are going straight and it’s OK for me to cross the side street. Oops! Here I am on “Trauma: Life in the ER” because some moron doesn’t know how to use his goddam turn signals!

6

Back in Philly, I would frequently have to walk across a street where a lot of cars were turning right. If I did not assert myself by stepping right in front of them or making it clear that I was not slowing down so they could hurry to the next red light, I would never be able to cross with the green. It was amaming what some idiot drivers would do to avoid maing eye contact, as if somehow refusing it lets them make the turn 6 inches behind the last car.

Cars take right-of-way from pedestrians at every chance they get: Blocked crosswalks, right turning on red without looking, refusing to pay attention to pedestrian crossings, etc., etc. even parking on the sidewalk.

So now a few pedestrians have to assert themselves and they “go too far” in the opinion of a few cagers. I’m sure some pedestrians do (college students in particular), but most often I hear these complaints from drivers are a sham cover of ‘saftey concerns’ covering the fact that they just don’t want to touch their brake pedal.

7

I really like the pedestrians who would jaywalk from behind a truck or a van. “Excuse me madam/sir but I forgot to bring my x-ray glasses with me, would you please cross the street between the two painted lines that the city has paid for.” Gosh I’ve always wanted to say that.

8

Unfortunately, there are people who are too stupid to be allowed behind the wheels of an automobile. There are also people too stupid to be above their two legs. You really just need to assume that the person driving/walking/biking is either 1)unaware of you, 2)thinks you know what they are going to do, 3) trying to hit you, or 4) a mindless automoton, brought back from the dead by some Haitian paste.

Even if someone has a turn signal on, I assume that he left it on from when he turned out of the “Morons ‘r’ Us” parking lot. Until I am sure he sees me, or I see him slow down or pull into the turn lane, I just gotta wait to be sure he will not turn me into an extra in the remake of Red Asphalt.

It would be great if everybody followed basic traffic laws, but it would also be great if everybody loved their neighbor, everybody thought I was really cool, everybody had enough to eat, etc. The truth of the matter is, you have to assume everybody out there is an idiot.\

Just my $0.02 (that will be a nickel charge, please.)

9

Yeah, Boston is pretty bad for pedestrians. I was in the city yesterday, and everyone has the mindset that they can do whatever they want. Course, we were on foot, so I was one of them. I only ignored the “don’t walk” sign when there were no cars at all on the road.

One day last week, I was driving to work. Out of nowhere thi kid starts walking across the road (no crosswalk or anything). I see him, slam on my brakes, and come to a half less than a foot away from him. The dude has the nerve to flip me off!

I had an exboyfriend who had this theory that he was invincible when it came to traffic. He’d run across 4 lanes of traffic screaming “C’mon Pam! They’ll stop! They have to!” I broke up with him on the theory that he was insane…As far as I know, he hasn’t been hit yet…

10

Instead of running over real pedestrians, get the game Carmageddon. The more peds (and various animals) you mow down, the better your score! It’s a great stress reliever.

11

Think of it as evolution in action.

12

If you were posting from anywhere but Boston, I’d agree with your rant. But, there - the drivers in cars drive as if there were no rules already. (I was on the sidewalk once, and barely missed by a car that was running a red light). When your chances of encountering a car are pretty much independent of the lights, looking for them seems a waste of time.

13

You forgot to mention pedestrians in winter; the same ones that are assuming the drivers will see them and stop are doing the same thing in winter, on icy streets, with everyone experiencing reduced visibility (pedestrians from their scarves, hoods, etc., and cars from their fogged up, iced-over windshields). My friend told me a story she saw from her bus’s window of a pedestrian crossing at a crosswalk on a very icy road; the pedestrian walked up and just kept walking; the cars saw her, and tried to stop, but sometimes stopping is just not an option. This pedestrian caused an accident as the car swerved to avoid hitting her, and she just kept on walking!. (I call this ‘The Mr. Magoo Syndrome’.)

My own pedestrian story is from a different angle. I was waiting to walk across an uncontrolled crosswalk. A bus stopped right next to me to let me cross, so I walked in front of the bus, and slowly peered around the bus to see if any other cars were coming (in all fairness, if the cars couldn’t see me, they might assume the bus had stopped for a passenger.) The freakin’ bus driver honked at me and told me to get moving! I was so astonished by this a$$holism that I didn’t know what to say! I wish I could say I got his name and bus number and reported him, but I didn’t think of that until it was too late.

14

Ah…This thread makes it great to know that in the French Quarter of New Orleans, pedestrians do NOT have the right of way. So if you happen to dash across traffic in the French Quarter (not obeying the traffic signals to walk/not walk) and get clipped by an oncoming vehicle, then tough - YOUR FAULT.

erislover - the above doesn’t alleviate your problems in Boston, but its nice knowing that there is justice somewhere - it just happens to be down south. :slight_smile:

15

Wow, this rant, plus the comment about college freshman, takes me back.

When I was in school, I was driving past the campus of the university on a street that is always bumper to bumper parked cars. It is difficult to see a pedestrian through parked vehicles, especially trucks (common in my area). So I’m driving along and this woman steps out from behind a parked truck directly into the path of my car. She’s in the crosswalk, but that doesn’t change the fact I flat had not seen her, and had not been able to see her. So as she crosses, I said (I must admit, forgetting that my window was down) “Just step on out there, honey.” She whips around and yells “I was in the crosswalk!” I yelled back, “They’ll put that on your tombstone: She Was In The Crosswalk!”

Do people think those painted white lines create a force field, or confer immortality? If a car is coming, don’t step out there unless you are absolutely sure (a) you are seen and (b) the driver intends to stop. As a frequent pedestrian, I hate thoughless and/or bad drivers, but that doesn’t mean I intend to go mano a mano with a moving car.

16

God, not two blocks from my office there are two separate t-configured intersections that stop all traffic – ALL TRAFFIC, MIND YOU! – so that pedestrians have the right of way in all directions. All vehicular traffic stops dead just so we pedestrians can go across in whatever wild and wacky manner we want to. It’s the ultimate in privelege, safety, and pedestrian power. It’s like having a little School Crossing Guard out there. Just for us.

And still I see people crossing against the light. For christ’s fucking sake people, everything is going to stop JUST FOR YOU in a minute. Can you wait instead of darting out in front of cars and making them brake?

I have a feeling that this behavior contributes to the other troubling practice of right-turn drivers going right through these red lights (thinking that it’s giving them an opening, rather than being careful about pedestrians). That drives me nuts, but until my fellow pedestrians stop acting like assholes, I can hardly justify doing more than scowling and occasionally hollering at the drivers like I currently do.

17

CLASSIC :smiley:

I agree that the right-on-red people are a problem in itself. There aren’t many intersections around where I live which have all-way stop for pedestrians, including no right on red. Only think of two, offhand, but I don’t drive around town much either.

eponymous, that is incredible. What an intelligent law, IMO.

18

I’m a New Yorker and a pedestrian through and through and in this town the traffic rules boil down to survival of the fittest. I cross the street whenever and wherever I damn well feel like it. I can adjust my pace to cross behind a car going down the street. I realize that I’m not invincible, but I am more manuverable than a car, especially in heavy slowmoving traffic.

But I’m with amarinth. Drivers in Boston are fucking idiots. First, few people really need to drive within Boston city limits. You can walk across the whole damn city in a few hours. I’ve done it. Or you can take the T. It’s cheap. And yet the city is full of people driving their BMWs and Porsches that they got from Mom and Dad as a present for graduating High School. Second, I used to have to cross multiple unsignaled intersections every day in Boston. If I stepped off the curb to see past the parked cars what was coming around the bend the oncoming traffic would slow down. If I took that as a signal that they would allow me to cross, they sped up to try and make it across in front of me. If I then slowed down to try and cross after them they would panic and slow down much more causing me to almost walk smack into them. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to jump up and down on some idiot’s hood and scream “Stop or Go, just pick one you fucking ninny!!” Third, I’d like to tell a little story about how rude and incompetent Boston drivers are:

I was walking back to Boston from Cambridge over the Harvard Bridge, but when I got to the end of the bridge the path was blocked by a car. The car was up on the sidewalk. Apparently, the driver had tried to make the turn down the alley that parallels the Charles on the Boston side. Except he wound up on the sidewalk. As I watched I saw his drive wheels spinning in the air. He was beached! He couldn’t move at all. So another kindly passerby and myself had pity on the poor wretch and pushed him off the curb. He then drove off (too fast) screeching down the alley without so much as a thank you or a friendly wave of the hand.

19

YES! Or they can try something like this from here

There once was a man named Michael McShay,
Who died defending his right of way,
He was right, dead right, as he walked along,
But he’s just as dead now as if he were wrong.
Ok, it’s the second time I’ve posted this epitaph, but I just love it too much!

20

Howyadoin,

Funny how so many Pit threads revolve around Boston… :slight_smile:

Anyhoo, have you ever tried driving through Central Square in Cambridge? What a collection of arrogant, self-centered, ignorant, foolhardy dumbshits.

Half of them are these tree-hugging crunchy granola college protogeniuses who think they are the center of the universe and require all those fortunate enough to interact with them to extend every possible opportunity to inconvenience themselves to the wanker’s benefit. Therefore, when they’re stepping off the curb between two SUVs, the great unwashed are supposed to use their Spidey Sense[sup]tm[/sup] to detect their presence and engage panic stop mode…

The other half are from countries where the predominant mode of transport was powered by alternative energy, hay to be precise. They cannot conceive of a vehicle that can travel at the mind-numbing speed of 30mph, therefore they have no qualms about stepping in front of said vehicle, assuming that the operator will certainly be prepared to bury the brake pedal on their behalf. The only upside is that these people usually smile like retards and wave at you as they continue on. I wave too, but I keep it down to one finger for readability.

-Rav

Time not smoking: 5 days.
Money saved: $22.50
Shovel, bag of lime and plot of land in northern Maine: priceless