I have a physics exam tomorrow evening. I also have a few essays to write and I want a snacky cake. What are you thinking about?
I haven’t eaten in nearly 12 hours, so my stomach is counting the minutes till I get off work and can run by Taco Bell or White Castles (the only places open after I get off work).
Same thing I’m usually thinking about: sex.
Well, that and the fact that I need a nap, and then some sex…
Oh, and also, I’m at work, so I’m also thinking about work and sex…
And I have a clip from “Celebrity Jeopardy” playing on my computer… so also ‘The penis mightier!’… and sex, of course…
My packet better get here tommorrow, been waiting for the damned thing for weeks now.
I’ve been offered a job by my former grad school advisor, to work alongside my best friend, and I’m going to call tomorrow to turn it down. It’s more money, but everything else is a little shaky, and I feel like I’d be letting my current co-workers down if I left now (we’re a tech startup, and we’re only a couple months from launch).
Why oh why did I wait until now to have to read To Kill a Mockingbird? Sex. I still have to study for my science test. Sex. I have way too many MP3s on this computer. Sex. I want girlscout cookies. Sex. My foot is slowly going to fall asleep. And just my own little sexual fantasies that I know will never come true because the guy in question is terribly happy with the girl he’s going out with right now and it’s not like he gave a damn about me in the first place but a girl can dream can’t she?
I’m thinking… I’ve lost 16.5lbs! I’ve been going to gym a lot. I’m proud of myself. I should do some work instead of spending all morning on the SDMB. My hair’s frizzy today. I have home-made goulash for lunch. I’m sure my boss knows i spend far too much time on the net and he’s going to haul me in for a good talking to soon. Why do you only get ring binders in certain colours? What shall i have as my signature? I should’ve used a pseudonym when i registered. I need the loo but i can’t be bothered to go. Isn’t that stupid that i can’t be bothered to go. Does anyone care? I like using my brain.
When i was at school a friend stapled her thumbnail.
I should really go to sleep. I don’t think my prof will like me not being in class today. If he notices.
Only 100 more tokens and I stand a decent chance of getting a prize at freeride. I should open another browser window to get more tokens.
Why did I stay up the entire night? This really throws off my sleeping pattern (or lack thereof).
Thinking about what my wife will say when she sees my post claiming to have a ‘14" kidney prodder’.
That I desperately need to go to the toilet but that I don’t want to use the one at work…
“What a piece of work is man…”
I’m thinking this last week’s misery of uncertainty has culminated into simply more compressed and intense uncertainty.
Anxiety has become a giant star,
collapsing in on itself.
On myself, as if I stood within its core.
As I struggle to free myself from it,
it becomes daggers of thought,
swirling about my head.
Daggers wielded as by unseen hands,
though I am always conscious of their presence.
Loneliness and despair plunge themselves
deep into my stomach.
But a mere word from her removes them,
heals my wounds,
consoles my soul,
restores my essence.
Thoughts dwell on her,
and all is well.
Thoughts dwell on her absence,
her distance from me,
and all feels lost,
the daggers return.
The unfortunate turn of events:
that without her near,
without her kind touch and adoring gaze,
without her gentle words before my eyes,
without her sweet voice within my ear,
loss is all I feel.
Even so, hope remains.
that breaks through such thick and stormy thunderheads
to soar instead in blue skies.
And more than hope, Love–
that ultimately overcomes the deepest void of despair,
that shines a path in the darkness of existence,
that with eternal patience waits for her.
Yea, that’s basically it.
I’m thinking that I hope MrBlue’s dream comes true, and I’m reveling in a dream of my own about someone I care about very much.
The exam is over, and of course it covered nothing that we were told to study for. I’m going to eat a bacon cheeseburger in a few. I can actually relax tonight. It’s cool that a few people have posted. There seem to be a few romantics around here, huh?
I was thinking about what you and others said in your other thread.
I was going to e-mail you and apologize, but I found that you don’t have an e-mail address here.
Your thread made me feel bad about myself because it touched upon something i was sensitive about and I unfortunately overreacted. I didn’t apologize in the thread because it had dropped from the front page and I thought it would be best if it stayed off, and we could forget about it. People sometimes say dumb things here that they regret, but you don’t have to keep bringing it up if I want to just drop it.
Then I go and see that you make fun of me in your sig line, for every post. Do you want to make everybody dislike me? I already feel bad about myself most of the time as it is.
I think using your sig line to hurt and embarrass another poster is a lot worse than whatever I wrote. Please take it off, and I won’t mention your thread again. I didn’t come here to make a whole bunch of people angry. I’m sorry.
I want another beer. I need to go take a shower. My doggy, Shnookums, wants me to get off this computer and play with her or go to bed. Maybe I should go to bed. My brain is tired. Goddamn, I want another beer.
I’m beginning to think that no matter what I do, nothing I say or do for other people matters anymore. I’m playing shrink and matchmaker and comforter and confidante for all of my friends, but I’m so confused and distant and lonely on the inside and I really don’t know how to express it to the people that could help me most.
So I have to settle for putting it on a message board. Is that as pathetic as I think it is?
On the other hand, I have plenty of things to be thankful for right now. I have wonderful friends, I’m healthy, it’s almost my birthday, I graduate in a few months…life really is beautiful.
It really is a wonderful life, but it is the most confusing, hurtful, frustrating existence.
But it’s worth it. It’s definitely worth it. Every bad thing I’ve ever gone through, am going through, or will go through is superceded by all the wonderful people I know and all the wonderful things I’ve had the privilege to experience.
Thanks, you guys. You’re a big part of my life right now. My life wouldn’t be half as interesting without you.
Nocturne: we all use this fourm for different reasons…it’s not pathetic at all.
I don’t know if this thread is still going or not, but I’ll contribute anyway:
I’m thinking that my Quarter Pounder with Cheese was tasty. I’m thinking that my tax guy still hasn’t gotten back to me about how the numbers look. I’m thinking that I must have achieved a record for the largest number of bills received in a month, and that for this I deserve a shiny medal. I’m thinking that I became an adult (without the wisdom of age) in the space of a month or two. I’m thinking that I didn’t appreciate certain aspects of college life while I still had the chance. I’m thinking that you should be careful what you wish for, and what you sacrifice in order to get it. I’m thinking that I’m really frustrated with a colleague, and have no outlet. I’m thinking that I make too many stupid mistakes at work, and this makes me want to smack myself. I must increase my batting average. I’m thinking that this board is my social life right now, sort of an online diary that talks back, which is nice in some ways, strange in others. I’m wondering when things here (a new city for me) will begin to change, and what exactly would I change if I could anyway? I’m wondering whether I’m really depressed right now, or am just trying to convince myself that I’m depressed, and am actually loving life. Or maybe I’m happy but lonely (can the two coexist?). I’m waffling over whether or not to take another audition. I’m thinking I’d like some Oolong tea right about now, but the caffeine will keep me up, so maybe I’ll make it herbal instead. I think too much.
I’m up too late
I want hot food
I should go to bed
Why do I refuse to cyber with random ICQ pervs, but I’ll let my RPing chars do all sorts of stuff in game? Isn’t it the same thing with trappings…maybe its my perverse sense of foreplay…speaking of I’m really far away from James now…maybe I should call him…maybe you should go to bed you dingbat!..but I miss him. sigh. What am I going to do with teh dear boy, he makes me crazy and all, but is that what I really want? But did you hear his voice when he said that this weekend? Did you, you souless passionless twit? Grumble, I might have. Doesn’t mean anything’ll work…people are going to read this and think I’m really crazy…nah they’ll just realise that what they thought was your stream of consiousness was actually a really nicely cleaned up version…I’m glad my hoodie’s fixed, not having my hoodie would be awful…I realised its more like a security blanket with pockets…I need a job for the summer… AHEM You need to go to bed and stop looking like a moron for your nice internet people…Wonder what James is up to…hoodlum…but he quit smoking…yea now he’s just smoking pot and doing his body weight in yellow jackets…if he blows his pretty brains out I’m going to kill him…his friend just died of an overdose…if he ever does that to me I’ll kill him. Speaking of drugs, the everlasting question reigns…to force sleep or to have nightmares? Drugs or insomnia? …mmm…ahhh…nother night fo the wall, right on!
Latin quiz tomorrow. Perfect subjunctives. Gak. Statics something or other…thats gonna hurt…specially if I neet back up with whats his face in game before class rather than study…stupid bitch do you care about yoru grades at all? Ummm sometimes? Sigh. Yup…I’m going to flunk out and live in a cardboard box for the rest of my life. Hmmm…if I lost some weight I could be a whore.
Okay now, lets go to bed…say good night to the happy people! Night happy people! On second thought maybe I should do the drugs tonight…do I want to know what my bright and shiny subconsious wants to do to me tonight? Not really…
I got the license plates for my new car today.
I passed my UA, so now I have a job.
I freakin’ PASSED MY UA! Wow. All natural, no pills or yucky drinks. I just quit.
I have to wake up real early tomorrow.