What are your conversational gambits?

[Yarster]

I would be reluctant to bring up music or books because you may go down a path you didn’t want. That is, they may be embarrassed because they don’t regularlty read, or worse, they may like something you hate or don’t care to read or like a type of obscure or genre of music you don’t like. Some people would find that interesting, but if the person in question in going to tell me how great the Twilight books are and how I really need to listen to reggae because it totally DOESN’T all sound the same, I’d rather strike up a conversation with a wall.

I’ll usually start with movies, because everyone has a favorite, and I rarely find people will defend a movie like they would an author or genre of music. Or I’ll ask them where the most interest place is they’ve traveled. It might be down the street, but if they can talk about it with some interest that’s good enough for me.

One exception is with kids or teenagers where the travel thing probably won’t work, in which case I might talk about music, TV, or video games, because it would be something where we’d more likely connect. With kids, it also helps if you start out complementary towards them right away if you are an adult, by saying something like “Well, you’re a teenager, so you obviously know what all the cool music and video games are that I should be listening to/playing are, right? So what are they?”

[SurrenderDorothy]

I used to play a game inspired by the “surveys” that were popular on Facebook ages ago. They were just lists of questions that you filled in about yourself when you were bored and posted. They were pretty shallow questions and boring to read in a list one after another, but it occurred to me that some could spark conversation when taken alone and that people love to talk about themselves.

So I started making up goofy questions and hypotheticals and if things stagnated, I’d start on my game. I tried it on a few dates when we sort of hit the awkward silence stage and it was a hit. I used to play it at work all the time as a way to pass the time when the work got mind-numbing or as a way to get new employees talking without the old, “So… what kind of music do you like?” sorts of things. It usually started with “if you had one wish, but had to make it for someone else, what would you wish?,” “If you could have any superpower, what would you choose and why?” and “If you were given a huge sum of money to donate to one charity, what sort of charity would you choose?” Popular later questions were “What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever done to someone, the nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone, and the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for you?”

It can tell you more about a person than you would think.

[pulykamell]

@CanvasShoes

I was taken aback by the idea that people who aren’t all aflutter at the F word are losers. Wow.

I wouldn’t be taken aback at the speech, but it’s kind of unoriginal. All I could think of is either the person just took an Intro To Linguistics class or heard this snippet (warning: Youtube link contains audio of the word “fuck.”)

(What I do find amusing, though, is the poster who used the “fuck test” as conversational fodder refers to it as the “f*** test” in writing.)

[Hrududu]

@etv78

If someone said that to me, I would find it extremely creepy. (I’m a straight male FWIW)

I’d be the complete opposite. I’d love if someone I’d never met said that to me. Right away you’re skipping the boring stuff and jumping straight into a jokey conversation.

[Orr_G]

Jesus Christ, I’m fucked.

My wife, for some reason, is impressed by how well I converse with strangers. I, however, think of myself as an introvert at best and completely socially inept at… anything less than best.

I’d be petrified to get into a conversation without almost any of you, except for CanvasShoes, who talks about whatever is actually happening at the moment. Even that conversation would be stressful, but at least it would be doable. The rest of you… Jesus Fuckballs.

At least you guys aren’t just asking, “So what do you do?”, which, for me - shit - I don’t even have an answer for that one, and I’ve tried.

In the abstract, or in the hypothetical, I totally suck at this conversation thing. I can’t even begin to imagine a successful interpersonal interaction.

But, strangely, when I’m suddenly thrust into a situation where I’m actually talking with someone, I do just fine, despite the fact that I don’t ever have any pat answers for anything, and all of the common questions (which this thread has so far lacked) fail to ring any bells for me.

I ask questions that are relevant to what is happening. I imagine that the person I’m talking to has experience or expertise that I lack, and I ask them about things that interest me about that. I dredge up some trivia that I read about somewhere, and I ask the other person if it’s totally off base or not. I am an expert at poor analogies, like a dog who’s really good at sniffing crotches, and then I come up with some self-deprecating comment that excuses the poor analogy (Wow, that was bad. But you know what I mean). I’ve noticed that a lot of people try to speak in parables, but that very few of them do a very good job of it, so I find it easy to tell a story about that, in the event that such a thing arises. Like the time that I… well… anyway.

I have, through low self-esteem and the sort of hyper-vigilance that comes from PTSD, developed a keen awareness of other people’s responses to differing stimuli, conversationally. Back and forth, left and right, we dance and shimmy. Your bullshit and my anxiety meet like oil and water - but as long as you aren’t a total asshole, we can make rainbows.

And that’s it. We are different people, you and I. We look at the world differently, and we think differently. And we may indeed have very few points of view in common. But as long as you can refrain from judging me too harshly, as long as your desire to utilize a conversational gambit to your advantage doesn’t overshadow your simply human presence… we can make rainbows.

[gigi]

@BigT

I do the gambit the OP does, but you’ll often get a short answer, like “nothing” or “not much.” Something I’ve found that seems to work is then to make a joke out of that answer; “You mean, you just sit at home and watch the paint dry?” or “Come on, get some excitement in your life, live a little!” Even if all you get is a tiny laugh or a smirk, that’s usually enough to get the conversation rolling.

Are you the same guy who says “Smile, it’s not that bad!” to people who are minding their own business with a neutral expression on their face? Because the tiny laugh or smile I might give is because I am really pissed by that kind of shit. Life’s too short – I would have to walk away from you at that point.

[TruCelt]

@gigi

Are you the same guy who says “Smile, it’s not that bad!” to people who are minding their own business with a neutral expression on their face? Because the tiny laugh or smile I might give is because I am really pissed by that kind of shit. Life’s too short – I would have to walk away from you at that point.

You may have BRF.
Still, I agree that would be extremely annoying. The correct thing to say in that circumstance is “Cheer up, it may never happen!”

::d & r::

[JohnGalt]

Around here, it’s “How about them Twins?” I suppose if you’re not from Minnesota, some females might get the wrong idea of what you’re talking about.

Like some others have said, instead of scanning newspapers, make note of interesting SDMB topics that are useful in conversation.

[carlotta]

@Orr_G

I have, through low self-esteem and the sort of hyper-vigilance that comes from PTSD, developed a keen awareness of other people’s responses to differing stimuli, conversationally. Back and forth, left and right, we dance and shimmy. Your bullshit and my anxiety meet like oil and water - but as long as you aren’t a total asshole, we can make rainbows.

And that’s it. We are different people, you and I. We look at the world differently, and we think differently. And we may indeed have very few points of view in common. But as long as you can refrain from judging me too harshly, as long as your desire to utilize a conversational gambit to your advantage doesn’t overshadow your simply human presence… we can make rainbows.

This is why I love the Dope. Although the two of us in our conversational awkwardness might never reach this level of eloquence in real life, here the sentence "as long as you aren’t a total asshole, we can make rainbows, " can occur.

I

[gigi]

@TruCelt

You may have BRF.
Still, I agree that would be extremely annoying. The correct thing to say in that circumstance is “Cheer up, it may never happen!”

::d & r::

And what is “BRF”?

[carlotta]

@gigi

And what is “BRF”?

I believe this refers to Bitchy Resting Face

[YogSothoth]

writes down stuff I can talk about at the next Dopefest

Don’t anybody be mad at me if I start saying I love fuck!

[gigi]

@carlotta

I believe this refers to Bitchy Resting Face

Ah! Heh. I used to but now that I live in a small town, I have Bemused Resting Face – a vaguely pleasant look since it’s inevitable that I will see someone I know or who knows me.

[MrDibble]

Conversational Gambit? Something like “‘allo, Cher’, it be beaucoup-nice for Gambit to be speakin’ wid you, Ah reckun.” Or not what you had in mind?

[Trinopus]

You’re not going to win any No Prizes with puns like that!