Voting is all an illusion that the voters have some say in the matter.
My theory is that unhealthy food only makes you fat if you don’t truly enjoy and savour it. Crappy depanneur chocolate, McDonalds, whatever, will make you fat. Revelatory orange-spice mochas and raspberry mango mousse, on the other hand, will not make you fat.
Possibly because enjoyment burns calories.
Rather than a single omnipotent omniscient “God”, there is a civilization of creatures that live in higher dimensions outside of space and time; they have powers that seem miraculous to us. We and our universe were created by one of these creatures as a high school science project. He received a B- on the project, then prompty stuck our universe on a dirty shelf in his basement and forgot about us. Someday his mom will notice the smell and it’ll be all over for us.
I have a theory that in the future there will be a sect of respected historians who actually believe Al Gore invented the internet, because of all of the people who leave records behind and actually believe he did.
I’ve driven through Wyoming 5 or 6 times, I’ve stopped in different towns and cities and feel I’m pretty familiar with the place. All in all, I’d have to say you’re absolutely right, the place doesn’t exist. I’ve never seen so much nothing in my entire life, and nothing implies an absence of existence, ergo Wyoming doesn’t exist. (Sorry, Wyoming!) This does raise the question of where Dick Cheney actually came from.
My theory: Video rental stores have devices in the doorways that erase your short term memory, so you can never remember which movie you were going to rent and end up getting something lame instead. The memory loss is short term, it recovers a few days later, prompting you to return to the video store… and the vicious cycle continues. This is why I never saw 8½.
Children are so fat today because they never walk to or from school. They all ride in a car or some form of motorised transport.
I will now enter tinfoil hat mode.
I have two unsubstantiated theories. They are:
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The secret to getting a baby to sleep through the night is NOT limiting and/or scheduling their naps during the day, but letting them sleep as often and as long as they like. Babies need 14-15 hours (about) a day, which means they shouldn’t be awake more than 10 hours, and that should be divided into 2-3 hours bits. Most parents don’t let their kids sleep enough, and have overtired easily-wakened messes as a result.
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Global warming is already here in a big, bad way. In my lifetime I have seen progressively more and more bipolar seasons, and seen it get hot way sooner than usual and stay that way longer, on both coasts. We’ll all be utterly screwed by 2040, mark my words.
Einmon -would that be with the fridge light off or on?
I have another theory: the more homphobic a person is, the more latent that person is.
Inkleberry --I agree with the baby sleep theory and know it to be true.
Oh, and the Beast is Dora the Explorer–I thought everyone knew that!
Since everyone else has weighed in on obesity…
Kids today are fat because the public school systems are so underfunded that they have to whore themselves out to Pepsi and Coke. It only gets worse in high school, because that’s about the time they start getting part time jobs… usually at McDonald’s or Burger King. And I know those places tend to push the part-timers’ hours as close as they can to 39 per week. So between school (drinking liquid candy all day) and work (one big greasy meal there per day, with another helping of liquid candy), the kids are too spent to go out and run around in their off time.
Don’t forget, no PE in school.
IL is the only state (AFAIK) to require PE in school. Even then, it’s twice a week for primary, and then everyday for middle and high school.
Another theory: if you like a song on the radio, but are unfamiliar with it–that is the one time the DJ will NOT tell you who the band/singer is. Happens to me every day.
This is a really long thread, so my apologies if this has been linked and I missed it. But I found this story this morning and immediately thought of this thread.
http://www.johnnygosch.com/listing/pointblank.pdf
It’s a bit long, but worth the read if you like unsubstantiated theories. Sex, kidnapping, political espionage, murder, homosexuality, prostitution, extortion, corruption, brainwashing, suicide, and kiddie-porn snuff films directed by Hunter S. Thompson. I shit you not.
That always happens to me too ! Except, it’s when I get out of debt. Now I always carry a balance on my credit card just to be safe.
Nope, New York requires gym up until you graduate from high school. (Not only from my personal experience, but Peter Parker nearly didn’t graduate from high school because he skipped one too many PE classes.) Don’t actually do anything most times, though.
I completely agree with your second theory. Happens to me all the time.
(Also, have a theory there is something seriously poisonous and yet managing not to violate health code violations in McDonald’s food. I have two friends that used to work there, and after four months, quit and became vegans.)
Postulate: It’s a dog eat dog world.
Theory: “If dog continues to eat dog, there will be only one dog left, and he will be sick to his stomach.” (–E.B. White, 1933)
And the modern corollary, which says that if you like the song, that’ll be the one time all week when the RDS gets stuck showing the info of the previous song (or has reverted to just the station ID).
I believe the Japanese Government has extensive proof that Amelia Earhart used her round-the-world flight as a cover for photo reconnaisance of Imperial military maneuvers.
She WAS a spy.
I just found this thread, so I have a lot of replies. Here goes.
The same is true for your reflection in a puddle or mirror. There’s a Calvin and Hobbes about this.
That could be because of the way the curvature of the earth is represented on a map. But maybe not.
I’ve heard the same theory about spam. Anti-spam companies create spam, so that they can sell products to block it.
This reminds me of one of my favorite theories, which I call the “Winnie The Pooh Phenomenon.” Remember when Winnie the Pooh was looking for his hunny pot, but all he could seem to find was a huge patch of fog? Then someone (Rabbit?) suggested he look as hard as possible for the cloud of fog, and he would probably find his hunny jar. IIRC, it worked. I believe this works in real life as well.
The same is true of quarters (or tokens) in arcades. However, if you buy 100 tokens, and only use up, say, 89 of them, you should leave the other 11 within the arcade. Otherwise, you’re sucking energy out of the vortex, and time travel won’t be possible. I confess I have removed tokens from the vortices of several local arcades.
When I was younger, my family used to go to Souplantation (an all-you-can-eat buffet) all the time with another family we knew. When our parents suggested perhaps we shouldn’t eat so much, and instead “save some room for dessert,” we would reply that it didn’t matter, because the current food was going into the “dinner stomach” and the dessert would go into the “dessert stomach,” so even if we completely filled our stomachs, there would still be room in the other one. Trying to prove this would probably rely on something about the two stomachs fusing together automatically when one dies.
The calories in broken cookies don’t count.
A computer program could teach math at least as well as, if not better than, many actual math teachers.
One more thing I thought of just a moment too late:
Or if you do meet them, they will be just the perfect for you to fall in love with, marry, and spend the rest of your life with. Except they’ll be the same sex as you. Unless, you’re gay, in which case they won’t. And by the way:
Gay couples really just want the same rights as straight couples, they’re not trying to undermine any Sacred Institutions or disturb the balance of the universe. In fact, there’s something about gay people that makes them calmer and less prone to rash action (in general) than straight people.
There are no rules to the game of cricket. It’s all a big joke played on us by a few practical joking nations.
English/Indians/Pakistanis etc are all in on this. Upon aquiring citizenship of one of the “cricket playing” nations you will be taken into a room and let into this secret and you have to swear to keep it. Therefore you have to act like you’re enthralled by the day-long matches and whenever a foreigner asks about the rules you say “Oh, it’s really easy, just like baseball!” and then go off into your made-up gobbeldegook concercing people running up and down between wickets and stumping bats for 73.5 overs over 3 innings until said foreigner gives up and pretends to understand so you can have an additional giggle at their expense.
I think that Corporate America is directly contributing to the general decline in ethics and accountability in the general population.
If you know you’ll be rewarded for increased company profits–even if it results from poor ethical decisions–and chastised for a decrease in profits as a result of good ethical decisions, you aren’t likely to make good ethical decisions. It’s just so much easier to go along, do what they want, get your paycheck, and then go home and try to have a normal life. Millions of people do this every day.
I think it spills over into people’s everyday lives. Did someone give you back too much change? Ah, they’ll never notice. Did you accidentally put a ding in another car in the parking lot at the grocery store, and then drive away without leaving a note? Oh, they have insurance for that.
And if these large companies we work for–or the smaller companies we work for that are owned by the big companies–aren’t to be held accountable for their actions, why should we be?
I also think that the bigger a company gets, the less able they are to provide good customer service. Of course, they convince themselves otherwise. They develop “teams” to study ways to offer better customer service. They do studies to determine what customers want. They hire consultants to learn what they should do differently. But what they should be doing instead is answering the damn telephone. It’s a pretty simple concept, yet no large company I deal with has yet to grasp it.
Newsflash: Making us press 300 buttons in order to get a real person to answer the phone is NOT good customer service.