You walk into the barber shop, you sit down in the chair, he asks you “So what can I do for you today?” and you say . . .
Longer, please.
Nah, just kidding. Shorter, over the ears, buzz the back.
I used to go to Supercuts and such, but never got anything right. I don’t care at all about my hair. I’m not gonna fuck with it. Life is too short to waste time putting gel and crap in your hair. I wash it, dry it with a towel, and generally make it lie down, and I’m done.
Supercuts et al can’t understand this. I’ll tell them this exact phrase above and when I’m done I hear, “Okay, you’ll only need to put a little gel in this.” I don’t want to put any gel in it. “Only a little.” A LITTLE IS STILL SOME. OBSERVE THIS VENN DIAGRAM…
So I go to the barber now, and this guy’s great. He knows how to just make hair shorter. He deals with 70 year old guys who’ve been getting the same exact haircut for 50 years and don’t use any of that gel or mousse junk.
Every time I go it’s always: Short back and sides
a half an inch all the way around.
me: Usual - keep it short.
her: use the clippers on the sides and back?
me: yep
her: what did we use last time, a “one” setting?
me: yeah
her: ok
My “Barber” is a gal. 
“Do you know what a pompador is?”
#2 guard, blend the sides, parted on the right and combed away from my face. Don’t forget the eyebrows and the neck.
I don’t know if your barber will do this, but get him to give you a shave the next time you’re in the chair. A barber shave with a straight razor is heaven.
Nothing.
I’ve been going to the same stylist for years, and she pretty much knows me by now. Plus I hate my hair, it’s an unruly mess. I never know what to do with it.
I usually just sit down, she starts telling me about her love life, her real estate problems, her daughter, her horses…
I nod occasionally, and end up with a nice haircut.
“Cut it in a bob so that it hangs at jaw length.”
The response to the inevitable follow-up question is:
“Yes, I do always part it there.”
“Short back and sides, longer on top, number one clipper guard, and push the top forward.”
Pretty simple for what is essentially a long buzzcut pushed forward.
"Chop off enough of the length to get rid of split ends there, then layer up from that in order to catch as many split ends as possible. No, I don’t care if that means you’ll be taking off three inches. No, I don’t care if that means I’ll have one layer starting at bra-strap level and another at the shoulders. In fact, I like it that way, since my ‘bangs’ only grow out to about shoulder length, and I have a natural layer or two anyway.
And no, these are my natural hair colors so I can’t tell you what to use to get your other customers hair this way."
9 times out of 10, this is the general jist of what I end up saying. Reminds me, time to find a good barber/stylist for another trim…
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<< Gimme a head of hair, long beautiful hair… >>
“Let’s do this.”
Seriously, that’s all I have to say. Nowadays, they’ve got all my specs in their computer, and they just start cutting when I sit down.
“Regular back. Short on the sides and top. As short as you can make it and still put a part in it.”
“Three weeks ago I looked like Mel Gibson. Fix me.”
Fairly short. Part on the right. Short on the back. Trim the hair out of my ears. Don’t you have anything to read except People Magazine?
Ceaser finger tip length, high fade line, one on the sides, front long enough to flip up, all that and a shampoo only 9 bucks. woohoo think i’ll get me a cut today, bad part is I have to get a haircut every two weeks.
Clever Hans: Hair today gone tomorrow.
Tripler: “Number one on the sides, and clean up the top!”
And every barber, in every town I go to, knows exactly what I want and why I want it that way.
Tripler
Even in different towns, they can tell . . .
“I need it two weeks shorter.”
About half of the barbers I’ve been to since I started using this line understand it immediately and give me a perfect haircut. The other half get so confused I have to let them sit in the chair for a few minutes and let their neurons untangle.
“cut my hair”
I’ve watched my hairdresser change from a young party girl to a jaded, nearly middle-aged bachelorette. She’s always is more lively when I have an idea to do something different with my hair.
Like yours, she definitely knows me. And what she’d prefer is an engaging encounter. When I don’t have the energy to think of something, she does what she wants. I can’t help thinking, in a way, this is a tiny reflection of more extensive m/f relationships.