Old Lady T the pediatrics nurse who hates the sound of children. She’s also the Leafblowing Lunatic who runs her leaf blower for hours whenever she thinks local kids are being too noisy. My other neighbors and I hate her.
Then there’s the Anti-Abortion Hypocrite. The old fart has three separate pro-life stickers and signs in his front yard and on his car. He also had a sign telling people to vote no on prop-so. The prop was to increase taxes slightly to fund school programs. He also gave my little girl a nasty extremist religious tract instead of candy on Halloween. Don’t tell me how much you love children when you clearly only love those in the womb.
Crazy Cat Lady up the block handed my eldest girl a kitten to take home without letting me know in advance on the day my mom died. She feeds the strays around here and lets her own cats roam around the neighborhood. I love cats but you have to be a responsible owner or you shouldn’t be allowed near one.
On one side of me is the Drill Seargent. I often suspected that she was in the Marines, but it turns out she’s a gym teacher.
Across the hall is Lucky the Leprechaun. I lived there for 8 years and almost never saw her. Then one day I said hi and she kept me in conversation for 20 minutes. I don’t remember what she talked about, all I heard was “Oh, doo dee doo dee doo, always after me Lucky Charms, there’s a pot 'o gold at the end of the rainbow!”
Down the hall is Sailboat Girl. The last time I hung out with her was on a 40-foot yacht. We both got a turn at the helm. She and her husband, collectively, are the Truck Food People. They are big fans of food served out of the backs of trucks.
Had to double-check the username; nope, you’re not my husband. I think we usually call ours the “Weird Old Guy.” I swear he edges his yard with scissors, plus he mows the fronts of his neighbors’ yards too - I think it’s if he thinks their grass is too long, since it’s not all the time. We’re pretty sure he steals our Sunday paper too, as I’ve seen him out on walks around the time that the paper gets stolen if I don’t get out there earlier. This means I have to get up at 6:45 am on Sundays if I want my paper. (Other papers sit there for a day if I leave them. Not Sunday.)
He also once bitched at the mailman for kissing a woman who lived in a house across the street from his place, saying it wasn’t appropriate to kiss his mistress while on the job. The mailman - my husband - had to explain that he’s also the guy’s neighbor and had been for a couple years at that point (not our fault if he only comes out to work on his lawn or skulk around the neighborhood in the wee hours), and that his “mistress” (me) is actually his wife. Like it was any of the old guy’s business who kisses who on their front walk, anyway.
I call ours the Bumpuses, because they have really obnoxious dogs. I also sometimes refer to them as the McStupids, which is basically just a play on their last name.
Our current neighbors are most often known as “The Herd,” due to the ridiculous amount of tromping and stomping that seems to come from next door during certain hours of the evening.
They are sometimes also referred to as the Sex Trade Mafia, but that requires more explanation than I want to get into at the moment.
The Wicked Witch of the West is my next door neighbour conveniently(?) on our west. My kids just call her the “Crazy Lady”. She hates kids, cats, dogs, squirrels, chipmunks, the mailman, and anyone else who dares set foot on her yard. She has been know to come out her front door to chase them off her property screaming like a banshee.
She’s put up wires between the trees in her front yard to keep people from cutting across her lawn and made her own hilarious signs depicting a footprint crossed out in a red circle.
She’s called bylaw, complaining about dogs peeing on the city tree in front of her house, kids riding bikes and playing on the street, and neighbours shovelling snow from their driveway toward her property.
The house behind us is cursed.
There was the Loud Family - they had 3 or 4 kids, ages 6 thru 11 maybe, that ran wild. They would be in the pool at 1 am yelling & splashing, or jumping on the trampoline at 2am, ( they use to sleep on the trampoline in the summer) or driving the ride-on mower around & around the pool for hours. My husband finally went over to ask them to please keep it down, and the Mom just shrugged and said there was not much she could do.
Then there was the African Family - they were a pleasant family that immigrated from Africa, they had great smelling & sounding cook-outs with African music playing, but they were so messy - they had a huge pile of junk that built up against the fence, they stuck a stove pipe out a basement window that only went up about 4’ and soot was smudged up the side of the house, they had chickens that really smelled on warm days. They moved just a couple of weeks ago and contractors have been working on the house non-stop.
The guy to our right is The Idiot. When he put up a fence, he ran it right on the property line, so if he ever needs to do something to it he just comes walking through our yard and stomps through my garden and cuts the bushes back to get to it. I walked out my basement door one day and there he was, walking down the driveway, it startled the hell out of me. Chrrrist, ask before you go on someone’s property.
We, too, were calling ours the Bumpuses, but now they have devolved into the Assholes. The husband is just reprehensible, and now that he’s out of work, he’s reprehensible 24/7.
We used to have The Naked Lady who would change her clothes at the same time in the window every afternoon when she got home from work which coincided with dog walking time. She moved about 6 months ago and I don’t think my wife misses her as much as I do.
We also have Quint, who is the spitting image of the Robert Shaw character from Jaws.
Oh - I almost forgot the Squatter who may or may not be using her cuteness to live rent free in a small house down the street.
I don’t have a nickname for the guy on the other side of the wall who gets up every morning just so he can cough up half a lung. I try not to pay attention too much.
However, the scruffy little yap dog that runs back and forth across the hardwood floor all day is Mr. Toenails. Sounds like somebody just threw a double handful of pencils down the hall.
I call them “those fucking people who are constantly hammering and drilling, even though they moved into that fucking condo 8 months ago.” It’s not particularly witty.
In my building I have “Little Old Lady”, because well, she’s a little old lady.
And then there’s “The Nurse”, I don’t know if she’s actually a nurse but I only ever see her wearing scrubs and she works odd hours.
There’s also “Nightgown Lady”, I see her walking her dog in her nightgown more often than I really care to.
Last but not least, there’s “Stoner Guitar Guy”. He sits on his porch smoking pot and playing the same song over and over and over and over on his guitar.
Oh man I forgot “The Hillbillies”. When I was still with my husband we were in a very nice development and even though he worked for NASA at the time and we had a sizable down-payment because someone had died (hooray!) we could STILL only afford one of the townhouses.
I have NO IDEA how “The Hillbillies” were able to live in one of the stand-alone houses as long as they did. They were quite a few blocks away but at one point in my life I thought physical fitness was important and went on morning walks around the neighborhood. At any given point there would be assorted junked out cars parked all around (sometimes on the lawn) various odd things in the driveway, venetian blinds at a 45 degree angle, every so often they’d leave the garage door open to reveal pallets of TP or soda from CostCo I assume. The best was one time someone parked in their yard and knocked over the tree, and it remained knocked over for MONTHS.
I’m laughing a lot at the responses. Apparently everyone is insane, as I suspected.
I don’t know if any of mine are really annoying, but I have nicknamed a few:
The No See Ums–this family of two or three; they have vehicles; they have a gardener…but nobody knows their names, or what they do, and we hardly ever see them, and they certainly don’t talk to anybody else. They’ve been at that address for years but they are strangers to the rest of us.
Squatting guy: This little old man is very limber and can squat for a long time while holding the hose so he can water the grass and see the activity close-up.
The Breeders: This family must have 8 or 9 kids by now, not that they can afford to take care of any of them without assistance.
The Palm Tree Guy’s in-laws: a guy who lives 3 streets over and sells palm trees is kin to these folks. (I know–not very interesting.)
The Drug-dealing guy: Exactly what it sounds like.
Cat Central: Similar to the No See Ums, except that their yard is totally overgrown and they also have a huge tomcat which has probably sired most of the strays around here.
(Hubby switched to another route in town.)