-Booger Fling
-Fairy Queen
-Rotten Raunchy’s
-Wenchy’s
-Kentucky Fried Seagull
Back home, many years ago, there was a country-themed bar called the Urban Corral. It was commonly known as the Urine Canal. I think it’s gone now.
There’s a place in town here called Burger Heaven. Ever since I’ve tried their food, I follow the name with: “… where burgers go to DIE…”
S^G
In college, we used to refer to the ubiquitous White Hen convenience stores as “the Purple Cock.” It was funny at the time, I swear.
Around here, Bob Evans = “The Bob”, as in, “You wanna go out for lunch?” “Sure, where?” “I dunno, I was thinking maybe The Bob.”
MrWhatsit is fond of referring to Cracker Barrel as “Redneck Barrel.”
This is why I love the Dope - I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time!!
And when I said it this morning to Sat^Gal, she replied, “No Dear, GOOD burgers go to Heaven…” 
… another reason I love her so much. 
S^G
Internet (or Ford) Exploder, Nutscrape, Taco Hell, Home Despot (or Deathspot), Pizza Slut/Butt, WallyWorld, check.
Fred Meyer – Freddie’s
Burger King – Booger Kinky
Quizno’s – Jizzno’s
Papa Murphy’s – Papa Smurfy’s
Safeway – Snaveway
Jack in the Box – Gag in the Bag or Jack in the Crack
Muchas Gracias – Mucho Gass Me Ass
Winco – Weeeeenco
Dairy Queen – Hairy Queen
Fry’s – Geek Mecca (newspaper ads are “the crack page”)
Radio Shack – Radio Crap
Wienerschnitzel – Der Veenervagger
Long John Silver’s – Long Dong Slivers
Windows – WinBloze (as in “it crashes whenever the…”)
Washington Mutual – Wamu
Wendy’s – Spendy’s
Burrito – Weewoh (juvenile pronunciation of my daughter’s that stuck)
Any cheese dip product is “sleaze cheese”
We used to have a local diner that was painted red with black & white cows on it–I’m sure it actually had a name but to us it was always “wanna have breakfast at the cows?” Man, I miss that place…
'Round these parts there’s a restaurant/country store called The Red Rooster. We call it The Scarlet Cock or Le Coque Rouge. There’s also grocery store a couple of towns over called Hanselpacker’s that we call Hanselfucker’s.
Burger King - BK Lounge
Wal-Mart - Sprawl-Mart
Save-Easy - Slave-Easy
Superstore - Stupidstore
McDonald’s - Mickey D’s
Kentucky Fried Chicken - Dirty Bird
convenience store - 'beenience store
There are probably more but none are coming to me right now.
I’m still in the habit of referring to the burger chain as “E. Coli in the Box.”
My favorite is for Circuit City (electronics mart) to become Suck It Silly (for no obvious reason than that people tend to laugh)
Kroger is Kay Roger
100 Oaks (first mall in the Nashville area back in the mid-to-late 60’s) was Billion Oaks until I saw a sign that had bled or run together so that it looked like 1000 Aks
Best Western is As Good A Western As Any
Long ago a favorite fern-bar/pub/English inn sort of place was Jolly Ox, which became Pissed Off Jackass for the regulars
WalMart - Hell Mart
KFC - Kentucky Fried Rat
Spaghettios - Can O’Crap or Crap Boyardee
Toys R-Us - Toys B-We
There are more that will occur to me as I walk away from the puter.
My brother had a knack for combining soundalikes and adding syllables. The Dane County Coliseum - the site of many a concert back in the 70’s when we did that stuff - became the Drain Country Colimuseum (read that carefully). I STILL can’t say it right to this day!
This one is courtesy of my auntie.
Jack-In-The-Box = Yak-In-The-Box
Actually we had a better one…worked at a round table pizza across the street from a Jack-in -the- Box
We called them “Jack in the Pine Box”
kentucky fried chicken = kenfucky fried chicken
Mc Donald’s = Mc Chucks
Red Rooster = Red Rooter
We’re looking for a house at the moment…
Biggin & Scott real estate agent = Biggin & Snot
Hocking Stuart real estate agent = Shocking Stupid
Fletchers real estate agent = Felchers
Toys R Us: Toysaurus
Microsoft = “Microsloth” or “The Evil Empire”.
Ibuprofen (e.g. Advil, Motrin) = “Vitamin I”.
The Springfield Interchange (DC-area dopers know what I mean) = “Malfunction Junction” (OK, not a business but still…)
We don’t eat “an orange”, we eat “a norange”.
Yeah, that was a surprise for me last year going thru that after not having done so for a year. With all of my senses telling me I’m going in the wrong direction, especially since I’d gone RIGHT to go RIGHT so many times before. There’s gotta be a political joke in there somewhere
There certainly was, a few weeks back; former right-wing governor Jim Gilmore got stuck in the interchange when we had an ice storm that shut the whole thing down 
. I live 3 miles away from the interchange and go through it several times a week and I find the best thing to do is just concentrate on your own route and ignore all the myriad other flyovers, or you’ll get dizzy, and find yourself exiting at the next opportunity and seeking out a plate of pasta because you’ve just been overcome with a craving for spaghetti.
KFC - Kentucky Fried Pigeon
Taco Bell - Taco Hell
Pizza Hut - Piece Of Butt
Together, under one roof, they become a Colonel Hell Hut
Tar-Jay
JC PenYays
Radio Shack - *Radio Scrap * or Jap Shack
Wally World
Not any particular brand name, but our generic term for a 7-11ish convenience store is a Stop ‘n’ Rob.
A regional grocery chain, Farm Fresh, is Fresh Fart.
Long John Silver’s becomes Long John McCarp or Long John McGrease
Wendy’s - Wendell’s
Home Depot - Dome Heapot or Home Despot
Oooh - just remembered: “Tipsy McStaggers”. Stolen from the Simpsons, where it was the name of a chain restaurant. We use it to refer to the step-above-fast-food places such as Ruby Tuesday’s, Chili’s, Applebee’s etc.
Newspapers:
Toronto Star = Toronto Scar.
Toronto Sun = Toronto Stun.
Globe and Mail = Groan and Wail.
National Post = Notional Pest.
Bancroft Times = Bankrupt Crimes.
The freeway known as King’s Highway No. 401, however, has earned the title Evil Death Highway of Doom.
There’s a seafood place here called “The Bone Fish” I call it The Blow Fish. I don’t know why, it just sounds gross to me. The food there is actually outstanding.