We all make up aliases for products and companies (don’t we?). I have some favorites that I always use instead of the real names. Among them:
Virginia Slims = Vagina Slimes
Harris Teeter (grocery store) = Hairy Tweeter
First Citizen Bank = First Criminal
News & Observer = News & Disturber
Anybody else got any favorites they’d like to share?
For me, Harris Teeter is the Teeter Totter.
JCPenney is Jacque’s
and ya know…what with the strep and the antibiotics…I can’t think of anymore…though I know I do it.
We pronounce chimichangas like a Russian word: chamichkas
Home Depot = Home Despot
Burger King = Booger King
Kinko’s = Kinky’s
I feel your pain. I’ve got the strep too. I’m in a wedding tomorrow, and the little bottle of Chloraseptic I brought to the rehearsal today drew big laffs. I didn’t laugh though; I can’t. Actually I can barely swallow.
I call 7Eleven Slev. Taco Bell is Taco Hell. Pepsi Cola is Peppi cola, while 7up is 11 up (another 7Eleven reference. Must be the work of the illuminati.)
Taco Bell = Taco Hell
Pizza Hut = Pizza Slut
Pizza Ranch = Pizza Snatch
Hardee’s = Hard-on’s
Kum & Go (Convenience store chain in the midwest) = Jerk & Squirt, Jizz & Leave, Ejaculate & Evacuate
Taco Bell= Taco Hell (mentioned earlier)
Safeway= DangerWay
Schmidt Beer= Animal Brew
(for the animals on the 12-pack cardboard and for the quality of the beer)
America Online= Amerika Offline
And a few Seattle-area-specific references:
Rainier Beer= Reindeer Beer
Dick’s Drive-In (cheap/popular burger chain)= Chez Richard’s
QFC (“Quality Food Center”)= QuickFuck
Boeing= The Lazy B
(for its tendency to foster slothful workers)
(this is a very common reference, not just mine)
Microsoft= The Evil Empire
(I think this one’s the most common of them all)
Back in New England …
Shop ‘n’ Save = Shoplift ‘n’ Save.
Kum & Go is hilarious enough for a company name, and the others you have ‘kum’ up with are funnier yet.
Is there really a store called Kum & Go? Too funny.
hmmm.
we do Taco Bell = Tacky Bell
Burger Kings et al = Burger Whop
Target = tar-jay’
local newspaper
State Journal = Stale Journal (clever, aren’t we?)
Aye…there is, I worked there for 4 years.
Ah yes, the faux frenchinizing of a name. This is also a running gag in my family. The other one we do often is ‘JC pen-NAY’
Montgomery Ward = Monkey Ward
McDonald’s = Mac’s Supper Club
Hardee’s = Har-DAY’S
Also, near our house is a gas station/convenience store with signs above the windows telling what it sells:
CHICKEN DONUTS DELI etc.
We call it the Chicken Donuts place.
7 Eleven = Eighteen
Kroger = The Kroj or K-Roger
K Mart = Kmart (rhymes with Smart)
Courier-Journal = Curious-Journal
King’s Daughter’s Hospital = King’s Slaughters
America On Line - A-O-hell
ACME (supermarket) - ASK-ME (they rearrange the aisles about one a month)
America On Line - A-O-hell
ACME (supermarket) - ASK-ME (they rearrange the aisles about one a month)
Delaware State News (local paper) The SNOOZE
A bunch of people do the Tar-Jay thing, and amongst my friends, McDonald’s is Chez Clown.
Local Small Town Newspaper: The Enterprise = The Emptyprise
Standard:
Target = Tar-'zhay
Taco Bell = Taco Hell
And around here, where family owned stores have been bought and renamed by major chains in succumbing to urban sprawl, virtually everything is refered to by its old departed name, confusing all the new transplants. Its truely amazing how many people know that when you say “Pride” you mean the Phillips 76 station on the corner…it hasn’t been named Pride for at least 12 years.
You know when I started this reply it seemed like I had so many more crude and funny ones…
One more from college: Parliment Cigarettes = P-Funks
Another College one: Milwaukee’s Best Beer = The Beast