I work with a very nice woman whose husband got called up to war. In addition, the day before he shipped out she found out she’s pregnant (with their first child).
The employees in my division are a very tight-knit group, and we treat each other very well, at work and after hours. The day we learned her husband shipped, we took up a collection and gave her a very nice bouquet of flowers and $100.
What more can we do for this lady besides offer words of encouragement and support? She really doesn’t need money; her husband makes more money than God at his day job, and his employer is going to keep paying his salary while he’s away (Huzzah). Plus, he’ll be getting his Army pay, so she’s actually better off financially with him gone.
That was a nice gesture. The flowers would have been enough unless she was really strapped for cash.
I guess the only other thing to do is to be supportive. I have three co-workers who have been called to active duty. Even though I am opposed to the war, I still support the duty these men have and my duty to help fill their role when they are gone.
Your situation is quite different, though, with the couple’s first child on the way. It must be quite an experience for a woman in that situation. I’m not sure how I’d fare.
I may suggest a couple of other mild ways to offer support, especially if you’re “just” a co-worker. Whenever she mentions her husband, get interested. It can sure be a great way for her to relieve tension if she gets someone to listen to every once in a while. Furthermore, if you ever notice that it has been a long while since she has mentioned her husband, it might not be a bad idea to bring him up (meaning if he is gone for a year, asking her about him 2-3 times over that span would make it sound like you are feeling concern about her situation without seeming like you are overbearing). A great way to start such a conversation would be “Hey! Have you heard from Jim lately?”
Ask some of your co-workers to help out with chores that her husband might have normally done. Mowing the lawn (almost Spring time!), changing the oil in the car, etc.
Have her over for dinner once every few weeks - she’ll probably miss sharing a meal.
Ask if you can “adopt” her husband and take turns writing to him and giving him cheery updates on how she’s doing and general chit-chat. Everytime you mention that a letter has been sent reminds her that you all care and gives her an opening if she needs o talk or vent. It would also help his morale and give them something to laugh about when he gets a chance to call.
Being alone and pregnant sucks. I’ve done it twice now, and it’s even harder the second time around. I second (third, fourth?) the suggestion to invite her out for dinner occasionally. And offering to do heavy housework is a fabulous idea. If she doesn’t have family in the area (here’s hoping she does) ask if she needs/wants someone to go with her to her big milestones–like the ultrasounds or even lamaze classes. Doing that stuff on your own is still exciting, but it’s better when there’s someone there to be excited with you. Bring in fresh fruit baskets or bagels to encourage her healthy eating, plan an office-based shower for her and have everyone buy her a package of diapers. Keep a camera handy and take semi-monthly belly pics for her so she can have a record of how she grew. Most important, just be interested. Going through a first pregnancy is overwhelming enough without all of the stress of being separated from your husband, and worrying about his well being. Having a willing ear to listen to you can make all the difference.
