For some I realize that may be a reason to celebrate but not for me. I’ve not been away from him for more than 12 hours since March 2002! He’s flying all the way to the other side of the planet, a prospect that for someone as plane-phobic as me is scary as hell. I know once he’s there he’ll be safe, he’s going to school, and I am thorougly greatful that it’s this and not a regular long scary deployment, but I already miss him!!!
I am stuck without a car (getting a driver’s liscence here is long and expensive, so I don’t have one), with my two step children who are as freaked about him being gone as I am, and many empty days ahead. Luckily I now have a job (at a day care center working with infants) so its not quite as bad as it could have been, but still I’m feeling isolated. I have two friends and both of them are coming over Monday night, but what do I do with the rest of my days?
My husband and I were fighting even up to when he left. He left saying he is glad to be away from me for 2 weeks. I miss him and I love him and that just makes it worse.
Oh, and he’s just getting over pneumonia, of all things! So I’m hoping his health will be ok…the military doesnt care about that sort of thing, they send people anyway of course. Man if he could read all this he’d hate it, in the very first conversation we had he said “guys don’t like girls who worry”. (At that point in time I was quite ready to take it no further. What kind of statement is that to say to someone you don’t even know? But anyway we obviously got past that.)
Sorry for my rambling posts. Any form of venting keeps me sane. : )
:: I hope you find something to distract you. I don’t really have the right to tell you what to do, but perhaps a good book can help. I hope your husband makes it all right and that you two have a fantastic reunion. The best of luck to you both.
Guys don’t like girls who worry? Since when? They think it’s flattering that their women are worried about them.
Or they should be.
Um, things to keep you busy: Books. Going to the movies with your girlfriends or stepkids. Or both. Make it a multifamily affair. Take up a hobby like photography, scrapbooking, karate. Research cool different sexual positions and surprise your hubby when he gets home. He’ll forget about the fights and worrying.
Guys don’t like girls who worry? Well, when he gets back be all, like, nonchalant. “Miss you? Worry? Nah, hardly knew you were gone. In fact, I took up karate. Lemme demonstrate…<thud>”
I’m terrified because I have not yet heard from him. I checked the airline’s website and his flight landed almost 4 hours ago. I think he missed his flight, because his first flight was almost 2 hours late, giving him just one hour to get through customs and claim and then recheck his bags and run to the other part of the airport. If he missed his flight, there is no other one until TOMORROW!
So I am majorly stressed. He should have arrived by now. He said he’d call right away, he knows those things make me stressed. He has no phone cards with him and said he’d buy some there but by now the stores will be closed. I have to go out later and if I do I may miss his call and I want the phone number of where he is so that I at least feel like I can communicate with him if I need to. I hate this. I have no clue where he is.
Somehow I doubt her hubby is flattered in the least by this.
Not to sound callous acrossthesea, but I’ll bet your husband is a big boy that can handle himself in the big, wide world of air travel. These things happen, especially when the military is involved (lots of last minute changes). He’ll call when he can. The best thing for you to do for him is to get a good night’s sleep and sound rested when he does call. You sounding stressed out over the phone is going to stress him out (if he isn’t already from missed flights), so you’re not doing him any favors.
Read a book, watch a movie, have a drink, take a position on a thread in GD and type up a well-thought out post, anything to calm down and take your mind off of this for even a few minutes. This two week school should serve as a prep lesson for you for what will probably be the first of many short term separations due to his military obligations.
I’m speaking about this from having been on both sides of this issue myself.
Having read some of your other posts and threads, this alarms me. Sorry, I’m not trying to butt in here but I feel like this is something that shouldn’t be ignored. Are things any better for you? Have you and he sought marriage counseling? The thread that comes to mind was a while ago but I’ve also seen a few posts lately from you that seem to indicate things haven’t changed for you. The quote above is troubling as well. I’m pretty sure any advice I can offer would be unwelcome, but I really hope that one way or another things improve for you and that you will take care of yourself.
Well just to put in my little two-bit’s-worth… I think, acrossthesea, you really need to take time out - while you have it… Just re-evaluate your relationship… I can sense that you care and are worried - but just DON’T forget yourself in all of this. You seem to have turned yourself inside-out about your partner, but is he doing the same? Granted, he has responsibilities and issues and changes-to-normal-life-stuff that he’s dealing with. But you are making youself almost like his “coat-hanger” just waiting for him to drop his shirt (I’m talking symbolically here) upon your shoulders.
He’s a big boy and ready to face what he committed to do. Don’t be the lame sheep that’s just waiting for his every beck and call… the way he left you was hardly endearing, if you ask me!
Move on whilst he’s away and don’t ever let him know just how worried you are. Be pleased and glad when you speak with him… but don’t put on the “Oh God… I’ve been so worried about you” thing! That will make him feel totally smothered… perhaps he wants to feel a little emotional and personal freedom…
When you hear from him (which I’m quite sure you will) just tell him that you were worried about him and reinforce how much you love him but don’t let him think that you’re just sitting there with no real life of your own, because he’s had to go away.
As far as amusing yourself while he’s gone? Come here and play! I’m only new here, but there are some wonderful people here that will help to make things easier for you and take the stresses of your life at the moment!
I hope you understand what I’m trying to say here. Just let him do what he obviously wants to do and be there for him, but don’t put a whole load of sh*t on him either!
Hang in there girl, and remember… read what all these wonderful people are posting for you. There’s support here if you wish to seek it… OK?! hugs
Thanks everybody for making me feel less stressed. I’m never offended or put off by any advice or comments or opinions anyone has, so it’s ok to say what you think.
I know I’m too attached to him. This tends to happen when you are in a foreign country, dealing with the military, on a base that seems to be known for poor facilities and not very social people, raising difficult kids. (And try as I might the whole “they’re not mine” thing never really goes out of my head, so I end up feeling like I am saddled with something I didn’t buy into. Sure I knew that he had kids when I decided to be with him, but at the time I was never told that they a) don’t listen to anyone and have little respect for anything, and b) I’d be expected to be not their stepmother but their actual mother. And occasionally single mother.
My husband doesn’t socialize with people much so I never did get to meet the wives of his coworkers or whatever I expected…until now. Strangely they all work at the daycare center with me. As a result of the insane gossip exchange between his workplace and mine, I not only found out what base he was going to for this school not from him but from a coworker, but the fact that he had pneumonia was common knowledge at my job. Interesting and disconcerting at the same time. I’d like to make friends with some of my coworkers but not the ones married to his, that seems to be the death of any independent life I could have here.
One of my neighbors is really cool and I’m hoping that now I’ll actually have a new friend and therefore a change of routine.
I finally did hear from my husband, by the way. He did not miss his flight, his bags got misplaced by the airline. So he had to wait at the airport for 3 whole hours until the next flight arrived with them. Knowing he was ok was a relief for me and also for his mother, who couldn’t sleep until she knew he was ok. So after talking to him I called her so she could relax. (I have a feeling the comment about guys not liking girls who worry stems from his life with his mother, who probably worries a lot.)
I’m calmer now but I do go in and out of panicky moments due to fearing I’ll be too isolated or that the kids will be too much for me. When I’m stressed sometimes I just like to sit quietly and work out my issues in my head…that’s impossible with extrovert kids who are 4 and 2.
He said he’d call again sometime Sunday his time, which over here means the middle of sunday night. I sort of wish he hadnt said that because now I’m going to have trouble sleeping, expecting he’ll call, and if he can’t for some reason I’ll worry about him more. Arghh I need to be dunked in some water or something, I hate being like this but it’s been my nature since I was a kid.
Please re-read that statement. There is something very wrong about this. Your husband should be telling you where he is going TDY, not your co-workers.
There’s no delicate way to say this, but from reading your other threads and a few sporadic posts, I think you’re in an abusive relationship. You seem to either not realize it or don’t want to admit it.
I wish you well, truly. I am sure it’s difficult to be a sometimes solo step parent in a foreign country. You sound very isolated and relatively alone in this - which of course is perfect for keeping you down, keeping your spirit wounded.
I hope you’ll look out for yourself and realize that you deserve much better than some of the things that you’ve posted about.
My husband used to be in the navy, he now travels a lot for business, being gone anywhere from a week to two months at a time. It takes a special breed of woman to handle a part time husband, and being a part time single mother. It sounds like you aren’t that type. That is not an insult! The fact that your husband is not treating you the way he should, or giving you the information and support you need makes your situation worse.
I also agree with Slainte’s assessment. You need to look after yourself. You are your top priority, so take all that energy you spend worrying about him and devote it to making your life better, any way you can.