We’ve all been there. Waiting in line, sitting in traffic, attending a meeting when – blam! – suddenly you “gotta go.” Big time. But you can’t get to bathroom.
Is there anything you can do to ease the …umm… urgency, short of “doing it in your pants”? The classic hopping from foot to foot does not seem to really help. Clenching up everything below the waist doesn’t seem to help, nor does acting relaxed and loose down there. Being in cold surroundings seems as bad as hot, and walking it off seems as bad as sitting still.
Someone must have doctor-approved medical advice or a homegrown helpful tip for this universal problem we all must endure some time in our lives.
Oh yes. When answering please specify if your solution concerns, shall we say, #1 or #2.
I find it’s more comfortable to be seated when having to go ( less affects from gravity ), I’m assuming standing on your head would make it even less unpleasant. Try that.
For pee, there’s not much you can do. When your bladder just can’t hold any more, you will wet your pants. That’s because it’s governed by two different sets of nerves. Short version–the nerves connected with your bladder give you the preliminary warning, and if you clench your urinary sphincter and ignore it, it goes away for a while.’
Then the second set of bladder nerves, which are connected to your spine, start telling you “gotta go”, and if you ignore these, they’re the ones that will eventually let go. And there’s absolutely nothing you’ll be able to do about it, as they’re not under your conscious control.
For poop, I find that either lying down or walking around helps. Lying down relieves the direct pressure caused by gravity on the loaded rectum, which is what’s giving you the “gotta go” signal. Walking around tells your body, “We’re busy, can’t unload now, put it away for a while.” The rectum is just a short-term storage facility, and it normally only has poop in it when your bowels are ready to empty themselves. If you hold it in long enough, or if you get busy walking, it will eventually move out of the rectum proper, further back up into the large intestine, provided you don’t have some enormous roughage-heavy mass in there that just has to be let out.
If you’re stuck in traffic, I have no advice for you other than “clench”. Also, sometimes, you can put your fingers directly over your anus, on the outside of your pants, and press inwards. This tends to look odd to the rest of your car pool, but if you just explain that it’s either Push Or Poop, I’m sure they’ll be very understanding.
What I want to know is how my body knows it’s getting close to the bathroom? I’ll get a “Hey, you need to make a pit stop” signal from my body about a block from the house, and I do a squeeze, to clamp down on things. No problem, I don’t feel the urge any more. Until I get to my mail box, and then my body’s saying, “You’ve got ten seconds to get us to the toitey, Mister! If you don’t we’re gonna blow!” At which point, it becomes a race with the devil to get home, get the door open and get into the bathroom before I end up having to change my drawers.
This probably won’t work with the situation the OP described, since it’s difficult to arrange at a moment’s notice, but one thing that worked for me is being in a situation where you absolutely do NOT want to expose your privates to the environment.
A few months ago, my uncle was found dead in his apartment. He was a shut-in, and the condition of the place was deplorable. Piles of garbage everywhere, inch-thick dust, cigarette burns in the furniture and carpet, you name it. The kitchen was so bad I was too scared to walk in there. (I won’t even mention his impressive collection of gay porn videos.)
Anyhoo…my family & I spent a weekend cleaning out the place. We broke for lunch, and upon returning, I had to shake the dew off the lily REAL bad. My grandma warned me not to use the bathroom (which didn’t look so bad from the outside), because the toilet had some mysterious black substance in it and they were all too afraid to flush it, let alone use it.
“Nonsense!” I said. “I’m a guy, I’ve been in the worst bathrooms known to mankind, I can handle it!” So I went into the bathroom, and lifted the toilet lid.
All of a sudden, I didn’t have to go anymore. In fact, I didn’t have to go until I got home, four hours later.
I can, so to speak, suck it up with #2 by using a muscle contraction method something like an internal reverse milking. The relief is short lived.
Tuckerfan’s statement certainly strikes a note with me. When I hit the front door, the race is on. When I touch my belt buckle I’ve got exactly 4.8 seconds left.
Glad I’m not the only one. Best I can figure is that it’s psychological.
Your brain tells your bowels, “Bowels? We gotta work together here. We still have 10 miles to go through heavy traffic before we arrive at a familiar toilet so hang in there. I’ll let you know when it’s safe.” So the bowels, knowing they have no real knowledge and are just full of shit, take the word of the brain and commence to clinching.
When you finally arrive home, it’s kinda like when you ask your dog if he wants to go for a walk. The brain asks the bowels, “Ok, boys, are you ready? Huh? You ready to take a poo? Are ya? Huh? Huh? Are you ready?” And then your bowels start jumping around and dancing and wagging and that’s when you feel the urgin’ for a purgin’.
And all this happens subconciously. Isn’t the human body an amazing machine?
Max Carnage, you got it exactly right. I’ve had this situation a couple of times where I was working in some pretty remote locations and by about 10:00 the morning coffee had loosened everything up to the point where the mid-morning dump moved from “I wonder if I can hold it until I get to a town” to “please, please, just let me get off the road a ways” (don’t you love pleading with your sphincter?). As you and Tuckerfan mentioned, the race is on. However, the interesting thing is that I can hold it, as uncomfortable as that is, for as long as I need to. But as soon as I mentally make the decision to go find a tree somewhere, I better start running because the Bulls of Pamplona are on the move. 0-60 in the space of a decision.
Oh yeah, the OP. For #1, I ususally try and get an erection. It doesn’t really help but sex fantasies make car rides, meetings, and waiting in line much more enjoyable. Of course, there is the staring and stifled giggles from those around you, but if you really have to go that bad, you won’t even notice.
“What I want to know is how my body knows it’s getting close to the bathroom?”
That’s undoubtably the best explanation of this phenomenon I’ve ever heard. I was ROFLMAO!!!
You could even use this to explain it to kids undergoing potty-training. They just have to learn to communicate with and train their dog properly. Heheheh