Today I spoke to someone on the phone whom I have also met several times in person. She has always made me intensely uncomfortable in the flesh and even moreso on the phone. I figured out that one of the in-person issues is that she never smiles and the talking issue (isolated by the phone conversation today) is her oddly-timed conversational pauses.
In thinking about this person, I realized that there are very, very few people whom I have disliked instantly that I went on to change my mind about later. While my “insta-like” people have sometimes fallen from grace when I get to know them better, my record is pretty good on knowing right away who I’ll click with.
Do you experience instant like/dislike and does the judgement seem to hold up over time?
What, for you, physical/speaking/etc traits seem to provoke these judgements?
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Do you experience instant like/dislike and does the judgement seem to hold up over time?
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Yes. And I’ve yet to be dissapointed by someone I liked at first glance. Never failed to be dissapointed by people I disliked at first glance, either, when I gave them a chance.
Never happens on the phone though. I have to meet the individual in person.
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What, for you, physical/speaking/etc traits seem to provoke these judgements?
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I’m completely unable to pinpoint something in particular. It’s only related to facial expressions, though. Voice or body language don’t play any significant part, as far as I can tell. Of course, I can like or dislike someone’s voice, for instance. But what I’m refering to is more along the line “this person is trustworthy/untrustworthy”. Also a picture doesn’t cut it. I have to watch the person “live”.
I’m sure some people are going to tell that one shouldn’t rely on one’s first feelings, etc, etc… But believe it or not, like for anything else, some are better at reading people than others. In any case, it served me well until now.
Actually, I rely so heavily on this that I’ve a very hard time making my mind about someone I never met in person (that would generally be on the internet). I’m also uneased with people I can’t “read” this way. I don’t know what to think of them, even when I’ve known them for a long time. They seem somehow “weird” to me if I don’t get any “vibes”, regardless how much I know about, for instance, their past actions and behavior, and I tend not to socialize much with them.
Tits help.
On a more serious note, I think it’s the general package. It might not be any specific thing in particular. There are little hints, but I try not to put too much information into any little cues like hair, teeth, etc.
I find that when you start putting TOO much importance in such things, you start losing other qualities. It’s that delicate balance, yanno.
I insta-dislike people who are obviously reacting through layers of “behavioral makeup”–little touches they’ve splotched on top of their natural mannerisms to hide themselves because they’re afraid people will find them “ugly”, so to speak. One prevalent example in my generation (I’m a college sophomore) is people who say absurd or annoying things just to be absurd or annoying. They’re generally aware they’re being annoying, but don’t realize that it doesn’t make them cool. I’ve had that kind of stage in my life, too, so it’s tough to keep from rolling my eyes. But insta-dislike always kicks in for this kind of behavioral fakeness, and I can’t recall it ever being wrong.
Generally, my insta-like fires for someone who’s independent, thinks with their own mind and doesn’t worry about what he/she has to say or do to be liked by others. My insta-dislike fires for someone who’s obviously uncomfortable in their skin. You can tell this by their facial mannerisms while they talk; certain facial features move in certain ways in accordance with what they’re saying if it’s really what they want to say, whereas if they’re saying something that they had to think about and try to render more or less cool/weird/abnormal/whatever they show blunt affect and deliver their line flatly.
Insta-like: When they let all their barriers down and act as though we’ve known each other forever even when we’ve only just met.
Insta-dislike: When they follow me around trying to be clever and helpful just so that I’ll notice them, but instead only pull off “pathetic, clingy man.”