I sent this memo to you all so that we may touch base since the last Jesus meeting I hope you all came to and establish a dialogue over with my comprehensize suite of solutions to take a proactive approach to incentivize the cart retrieval engineers to utilize our asset investments during this resource downsizing period to force a cohesive power play and gain leverage on the competition this fiscal year. We like to think of this as thinking outside the box.
Anything that was a noun that’s become a verb suddenly. Grrr.
office
computer-- (yes, I’ve had someone say to me “can you computer this report up?”)
::Beadalin’s eyeballs implode::
Get “lean”, Lean Manufacturing, Six Sigma, ahhhhhh!:smack:
No mooooooooorrrrrrrrrrreeee.
asterion: But it’s so helpful! I still have Petroleum Redistribution Engineer on my resume. 
Seriously, as an amateur astronomer/physicist, I hate the words “optics” and “impact”, when the speaker clearly means “P.R. spin” and “affect” (or “effect”). These words have clearly established meaning dolts! And they’re not the ones you’re trying to use them for!
i.e. “If we don’t change the optics of the chemical spill, it will impact our finances negativley”.
Grates on my brain…
“value added”
“clear your desk” 
I’m linking a printable Bullshit Bingo card if anybody wants to play.
Words on the card:
Scope
Brand[ing]
Time to Market
Network[ing]
Buzz
Profit[ability]
Expectations
Synergy
Multitask[ing]
Collaborate
Team Building
No-Brainer
Legacy
User Friendly
Hardball
Game Plan
Dynamic
Return on Investment (ROI)
Open Source
Ball Park
Client Focus[ed]
Out Source
Strategic
Data Mining
“clear your desk” is definitely something you don’t want to hear - but at least it has a well-defined meaning! Things like “leverage” and “synergize” are just vacuous, meaningless Corporatespeak. I was once in a meeting where I decided to fuck with them and see how many buzzwords I could get in a sentence (I’m usually known for speaking frankly and concisely). I came out with a whopper, something like “I think we need to leverage resources across the board if we want to go forward on this effort.” Instead of laughter, someone told me, “You’re right - I like that kind of thinking.” :smack:
“Drink the Kool-Aid” ?! Never heard that one - is it some kind of Heaven’s Gate reference?
“Drink the Kool-Aid” in this sense (shut up and do what you’re told, regardless of consequences) is a reference to Jonestown, originally.
Sorry if my explanation wasn’t clear - it also seems to be used as slang for taking some big plunge that you expect to be harmful/painful, especially if the thing in question has some sort of big word-of-mouth around it. (I saw references to “Linux-flavored Kool-Aid”, etc., when Googling for a good Jonestown link.)
Amen, brother!
Blackeyes
…that was hilarious. 
Don’t forget “Take Home” as in “The Take Home from this is that I should speak less bullshit”.
“Let’s table this.”
“Let’s discuss this offline.”
“Let’s helicopter that.” (Meaning, take it to the higher ups.)
Resource when referring to a person. I HATE, HATE, HATE that term.
“Are we all on the same page?”
“We’re in the ball park.”
Actually, any terminology that fits sports I hate.
That was a long way of saying I agree with Maeglin. I hate all of them.
“We need to focus our resources”
This may sound too Dilbertian to be true, but trust me, it is.
In the company that my cousin works for new policies dictate that employees “must not be fired”, they may be however “externally relocated”. :rolleyes:
Oh Christ I totally forgot about “paradigm shift” <shudder>
How about B2B, P2P, B2P, PB&J :), ETC
Dang it. Why didn’t I think of that? “I have two summers experience as a Petroleum Redistribution Engineer”
I really did work two summers at a gas station.
Similar to Libertarian and ArchitectCore, I HATE ‘Utilize’. It’s often used by people trying to look intelligent and clever, but clearly the proper use of grammar would help with that to a much more telling degree. (not that my grammar is very good, but I don’t use ‘utilize’, so there)
Also, as a personal story, I was an administrative slave to an exec. admin. assist. up until a month ago, and she consistently forced me to change ‘use’ to ‘utilize’ in all documents…of course then the Vice Presidents would ask me to change it back to ‘use’… :rolleyes:
Also:
‘Massage the Numbers’
I don’t want to massage numbers, I want to massage people, it’s just wrong.