What??? I haven’t heard this one yet. Someone taking the name of optics in vain?
You dont give people statistics or numbers anymore. You deliver metrics.
ick…
Forgot one that I especially hate.
‘Cut out the fluff’ in other words do away with unnecessary work. Fluff is a cat to me.
ROFL! That is pure Dilbert.
My personal hatred is reserved for “proven”.
“To Remain Calm. To know how to Prioritize in a Crisis”
Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!
(Shoot me.)
“Hmmmmm…I’ll tell you what. I’ll tell you who you can call/ask…” (when approached by someone with a question)
Translation: “I will now pass the buck, making you do all the work yourself, while making it appear in your mind that I’m actually helping you, even though I’m not.”
I can’t believe the thread has made it this far without the phrase “where the rubber meets the road” being mentioned. This is the phrase that is currently rolling unchecked through our upper management lexicon.
This place has so much rubber meeting the road, you’d think I was part of a porn star/asphalt paver convention.
Opportunity
As in, we had a rough year and now we’ve got an opportunity for progress.
Or as I may or may not have once been told in a one-on-one (Hey, there’s another!) with my manager:
“I see you have an opportunity for improvement.”
To which I told her, 'Please don’t ever try to put a positive spin on things like that. Tell me I screwed up and here’s what we’re going to do to fix it."
I think she appreciated my candor, because they gave me a box with built-in handles when I was laid off shortly after.
Jealous, ain’t ya? 
That was supposed to be mine dammit. Sure, more responsibility, no more money or resources.
And “staying on task”…Read working harder.
I also can’t believe that I’m the first to submit this:
Coopitition.
I heard this at a branding meeting (heh) a few weeks ago. It’s supposed to be some sort of mix of cooperation and competition. Hmm…I could have sworn those two were opposites. :rolleyes:
Oh. My. God.
That is the worst ever.
That’s a fine term. I’m not claiming that the phrase “let’s discuss this offline” is necessary or that it has some great grammatical purity. I’m just saying that it’s a clearly defined word which actually, when used, tends to reduce the amount of BS everyone has to deal with, and is thus very different from words such as “paradigm” and “proactive”.
(Also, “let’s discuss this elsewhere” has vaguely different implications, in that it implies “a different physical location”, when in fact “discussing it offline” might mean two poeple hang around after the meeting, in that very same room, and discuss the topic.)
Anything viewed from “40,000 feet”.
Anything viewed at “down in the weeds” level.
“Solutions” is my pet peeve. I always wonder if the guy using it has stopped to think how stupid it sounds. Actually, ‘solutions’ is very pre-bust. I haven’t heard that one thrown around as much since the ‘solution’ became ‘laying your ass off’.
The worst is that I’ve found myself using some of these terms at home: ‘Pick up beer for the game…that’s your action item’.
“World class”
Please.
Having just completed my performance management process (evaluation) for 2002, I was twice encouraged to be more proactive with no other qualifiers. Proactive? Wasn’t that a buzzword back in the early nineties when I was pulling down twice what I earn now? Stifling a giggle, I suggested that I was concentrating my proactivities on potential non-zero sum paradigms.
Blank stare…
Yessssssss.
Also: Skill set = stuff you can do or make others believe you can do.
We need new buzzwords.
Our comapny has an outside vendor for the mailroom. They recently issued a memo with some changes in schedules, etc.
They wrote:
…“in order to streamline the mail sortation process”…
??? sortation ???
Pardon my disjointed thoughts, but when I’m working late on Fridays, I bring beer. Where I work think outside the box has become a euphemism for oral sex. Try not to laugh next time you hear the phrase.
“Face time”