The Hobbit Christmas Special, with a song and dance number fronted by Tom Bombadil.
Beorn told the party “Before I help you, there is this nasty witch who lives to the west that I need taken care of.”
My wife’s comment upon hearing the news:
Well, it’s gonna take more than one ring to bind them all together.
Will Ferrell (and somebody else) did a comedy routine (MTV Awards? Oscars?) with Peter Jackson in which they played movie executives trying to squeeze more money out of LOTR by making a sequel to Return of the King. They kept saying, “But what if the ring wasn’t really destroyed?” and Jackson kept saying, “But it was.”
I think they got to Jackson. The fourth movie will be “Okay, apparently it wasn’t.”
Wow–or the Scouring of the Shire! (Yes, I know that’s LOTR, but somebody’s already suggested Tom Bombadil.)
I’m thing adding Chris Rock and Jet Li to the cast will take the series into quite unexpected territory, definitely enough to squeeze another film out of it. Throw in Jack Black and that guy from Police Academy who did all the sounds, and you have enough crap for another 3 movies, easily.
Bad pun. Bad pun.
Sadly, I live for these.
Hobbit IV: How the Balrog got its wings.
And don’t miss the straight to DVD Hobbit Academy: You Shall Not Pass!
Hobbit IV: How Gandalf Got His Groove Back.
Or
Hobbit IV: Kill Bilbo.
Kung fu wire fighting
Recast the dwarves:
Fili: Adam Sandler
Kili: Rob Schneider
Oin: Jack Black
Gloin: Will Ferrell
Dwalin: Eddie Murphy
Balin: Michael Cera
Bifur: Owen Wilson
Bofur: Ben Stiller
Bombur: Vince Vaughn
Dori: David Spade
Nori: Seth Rogan
Ori: Justin Long
Thorin: Robin Williams
Everyone would be encouraged to go off-script and ad-lib their lines. All takes would be included.
Shake up the genre a bit.
[ul]
[li]Horror: Bilbo Vs. Freddy[/li]
[li]Animated: Hairy Feet[/li]
[li]Artsy: My Second Breakfast With Andre[/li]
[li]Adult: Behind The Round Door[/li][/ul]
Extended flashbacks for Gollum.
Crouching Hobbit, Sleeping Dragon.
Reboot, obviously.
Here is how I see them going…
- Peter Jackson Presents J.R.R. Tolkein’s The Hobbit: The Major Motion Picture
- The Hobbit 2: Electric Boogaloo
- The Hobbit 3: The search for more money
- The Hobbit 4: Fuck we aren’t even trying anymore
years later…
- The Hobbit 1 1/2: An Inconsequential Side Character’s Perspective
aka Bofur Goes Hawaiian
Gollum: The Descent
A lonely hobbit trying to avoid heatstroke battles mutated piranha. In 3D “We hates it forever.”