What defines a person for you? Their job, their hobbies, etc.?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I was inspired to ask this by another thread in GD, about “jobism”. Where the discussion is about whether people are judged either favorably or harshly, depending on what kind of job they have.

While the debate rages on in that other thread, it has prompted me to start this one: What is more “telling” to you about a person - their job, their hobbies, their family life, their level of education, their religion, or a combination of the above?

I think some of the ways we judge or assess people have a snob factor to them. For instance, an old friend of mine refused to consider going out with a cute guy because (her words) “I don’t think he has a degree”.

And sometimes, a person has a really distinct reason for holding someone in high regard. For instance, recently someone on this board told of his very warm feelings towards a certain young lady. The thing he kept on repeating - she knew about the operating system Linux. Apparently that was VERY important to him!

On the “jobism” thread, someone mentioned that they don’t socialize with non-professional people much, for many reasons. (It was hard to discern which were the most important reasons to this person, but apparently the cost of the shirt a person wears is a factor.) So, apparently everyone has their unique reasons and criteria for judging and assessing people.

As for me, I think a job is important, but really, a person’s interests and hobbies are very important. I guess that’s because I grew up around people who had a job to make a living, but had many passions and interests that had nothing to do with their job. My dad worked for the post office, but was passionate about classical music, trains, travel, and photography. Same for my mom, and my sisters, and me. Our “full time” job, while holding some interest (and hopefully, pride) for us, isn’t something we think about or talk about constantly when we are not at work. It’s work, it’s a way we pay the bills. It’s not what defines us. So I guess I just look at other people the same way. While what they do for a living is interesting, it can take me quite a while after meeting someone to even think to ask them what their job is. I am far more interested in what their hobbies or interests are. I don’t know if I’m alone in this, or not.

So, I am curious to hear imput from the rest of you!

2

What’s important to me is the person’s open-mindedness, good nature, and curiosity. A healthy scientific worldview certainly doesn’t hurt, but it’d be boring if everyone thought that way.

3

A person’s sense of humor is a pretty good gauge of their character. I usually find that people without one are pretty useless as friends. I’ll certainly cast a vote for hobbies. Again, people without them are usually pretty dim. A scientific worldview is usually a guarantee of good conversation, which seems to be a dying art these days.

I also look closely for any sort of meanness upon a person’s part. It is one of the few things I refuse to tolerate in people. Bigotry and misogyny are some of the others. But meaness is so contrary to all that is decent that it pretty much outweighs any other redeeming features of a person’s character.

4

Definitely interests and humor quotient. What they do to pay the rent I don’t think I’m capable of caring less about unless it’s something like breaking kneecaps for a fee, which I’d want to know about so I could avoid them.

5

What they read.

6

Hmmm, interesting topic. This is how I pick my friends:

I look at how they do a job they love.

I look at how they do a job they hate, but have to do.

I look at whether they will fight for what is right.

I look at how they handle confrontation.

I look at how they treat a person they don’t need anything from. (Great advice for first dates. How does he/she treat the waiter/waitress? If they treat the server badly, get out as fast as you can.)

I look for a sense of humor. I find it to be the easiest way to measure intelligence. Not everyone who is intelligent has a good sense of humor, but I find that everyone with a good sense of humor is intelligent.

I look for common sense. You might be the smartest person in the world, but if you don’t have common sense you usually do more harm than good.

I look at what they like. What? You thought “Showgirls” was a great movie? I’m sorry not only can we not be friends, but I would file a restraining order against you if I could.

7

Most of these things people have mentioned so far, humor, curiosity, interests and what I read are important to me.

What I find interesting, and maybe disappointing, is that people seem to apply their standards of what makes a personality to people who have wholly different standards. It’s a jolt when somebody comes along and says to me “Couldn’t you buy a car that’s a more personal statement?” or “Who are you rooting for in the Super Bowl?” These aren’t the first things I think of asking somebody. I remember a date who said very definitely, “We’re taking my car!” (It was some expensive sports car.) …fine, I’m saying to myself, we can take a pogo stick if it’s important to you…

I have a higher regard for anyone who makes a statement in their own fields of interest, whatever they is. Even if it is cheerleading, I suppose. Maybe that’s going a little far.

8

I agree that one’s work is not what MUST define one. I prefer to think that I bring my individuality to my career, thereby enriching the experiences of those I interact with, rather than that my career is what makes me an individual. In a social setting the LAST thing I want to do is talk shop, but it’s always nice to meet people who either like or can find something positive to say about what they do for a living. I generally can tell a lot about a person by what s/he says and does. It’s difficult to narrow down what I look for in friends and just people I interact with. I think you meet people for a reason–to learn from them and to help them learn as well. The qualities I appreciate most in my friends are a joy in life; a curiosity about and an ACTIVE EFFORT TO REACH OUT TO other cultures/races (in the social sense)/nationalities with the intent to see and respect those people as individuals and not as monolithic statements of the culture/race/nation they self-identify with; and a passion for learning because they know that there is always something new to learn. :slight_smile:

9

How happy someone is. I know it sounds silly but if someone is just naturally down all the time it irks me. I can’t stand to see them down to see them down so I try as hard as I can to make them happy. I just love to see people smile and have a good time. If they can’t do that then I don’t know I’m just weird I guess.

10

I’m not so much interested or impressed by what one does for a living or what one drives or what degrees/licenses/certificates one holds. Rather, how is this information revealed? Those who go out of their way to present their credentials or work certain tidbits into conversation generally don’t win a lot of points from me. (I have a friend who was shot, and he always manages to let people know about that very soon after meeting them - if he wasn’t already an old friend, I’d have avoided him because of this trait.)

Frankly, in a social situation, I’m not too interested in a person’s job - I hate shop talk. Tell me what you like to do, where you like to go, what makes you laugh. You can tell a lot about a person by the jokes he tells or his choice of relaxation.

11

I think it’s a persons virtues that draw me to them, and keep me there.

Everyone is flawed, of course, but virtues like honesty, integrity, lack of guile, are very important to me.

12

None of the above define a person.

I’d go into what I believe does, but that would just be, like, my oppinion, dude :smiley:

— G. Raven

13

How does that person see themselves? That’ll definitely color how I see them, assuming I can talk to them, which is definitely a must.

14

I don’t really care what somebody does for a living. If it’s interesting, I like to hear about it. Same with hobbies. As long as sombody’s nice and has decent manners, I don’t mind hanging out. I think the following is what I value most in a close friend:

[li] Are you reliable?[/li][li] Can you pay your way?[/li][li] Do you get along with your family?[/li][li] Do you know that time and place to be serious or silly?[/li][li] Can you be comfortable in any social situation?[/li] Are you basically easygoing?

15

Great observation. No doubt, that’s my philosophy. If someone can make me smile or laugh (a real smile or laugh, not the polite kind), I will like that person and want to be around that person. The only thing that could turn me off to that person is if they are racist, sexist or anti any certain type of person.

If I joke with somebody and get a blank stare, you can pretty much guess they aren’t intelligent or interesting.

16

Wow, cool topic. I’d never really thought about how I define people before, but I sure will now. I think being educated is important to me, being employed or employable and having some outside interests (regardless of what they are) are of median importance (to me), and least important would be religion and family life.

This probably indicates that I do not like people, as I don’t care where they come from or what the believe, in theory two of the most important things about someone. OTOH, I don’t want my family background or the belief system I was brought up in to count against me in other people’s eyes, and I see both these factors somewhat negatively in my own life, so I try to give others the same benefit I hope they would give me. After all, you can’t help where you come from (either geographically or genetically) or what church your parents took you to.

I personally define myself by my age and gender, level of education and educational goals, non-work pursuits and political/social opinions, and lastly by my job. I would be happy for people to assume I have no family and that religion passes beneath my notice. Money, autos, and expensive toys really do pass beneath my notice. Occasionally I will mention my ethnic background, but only when it crops up naturally in conversation; I’m proud of my heritage but I don’t feel defined by it. I guess having education so high on my list might seem a little conceited; it’s not meant to be so. I work hard in school, especially now that I’m a grownup, and to me being educated is a mark of dillegence and focus, which I admire.

17

Thank you everyone! I am so glad I started this thread. I can honestly say I have learned a lot from everyone here. And you have all given me something to think about.

I haven’t done a lot of deep soul-searching about how I judge people, but certainly hobbies are vital. They can add so much richness to an otherwise hum-drum life. I have met people who (in my estimation) don’t have enough hobbies. And frankly, they are either busybodies, or kind of boring. When a person is passionate about something, has a lot of projects going on, they usually don’t have time to interfere in everyone else’s lives. And they are less apt to be bitter. People who are engrossed in their hobbies tend to be more interesting, happier, and have a more positive outlook in life. Well, at least there’s a far better chance that they’ll be that way!

And, a sense of humor is VERY important. If someone doesn’t get my lame-ass jokes, we’ll never get along.

Also, they should be somewhat easy-going. They should be able to get through life without being constantly offended or upset by the annoyances of everyday life. Basically, they should not be a pain in the ass, I guess!

18

How they define themselves.
Or, at least that’s what I try to do.

If someone defines herself by her career - she’s poured herself into it, she enjoys doing <insert career here>, it is her passion and everything else. Then I think that I should define her (and, yes, judge her) on that set of criteria. And I try to think of her as “Jill, the <occupation>”. If someone defines himself by his hobbies, and only has a job to get money to pay for his collection or activity then I try to think of him as “Sam, the hobbyist,” etc.

I do tend to rank people on an interesting/dull scale, though.

19

I judge a person solely on the threads they start.

20

First, their face, second their attitude, third, their personality and lastly, their appearance.