I recently read an article about Pippa Middleton, and it mentioned that “her tennis game is as killer as her dinner party conversation”, and it got me wondering, what exactly does that mean? What makes one a good dinner party conversationalist? Obviously topics vary depending on the people attending, but just in general, what makes someone good at it or bad at it? Is it different in the kinds of circles someone like Pippa travels in vs regular joes? Would we be dazzled by her (not specifically her, as in specifically Pippa, just someone considered a good conversationalist in posh circles) conversation skills, or find her boring or pretentious? What do Hollywood celebrities chat about in their day-to-day lives? I am not particularly star-struck by celebrity in general, but I do have a general sense that I would feel very boring and unsophisticated in any interaction with say, Prince William or George Clooney, beyond basic niceties and small talk (which I do just fine).
So tell me, what does a fly on the wall hear at a royal dinner party or an A-list Hollywood party?
Speaking from personal experience, Pippa Middleton talks about her tennis game at dinner parties, and distracts opponents with humorous bon mots on the court.
"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. "
-Dale Carnegie (Author of How to Win Friends and Influence People)
Basically, you talk about what the person you are talking to is interested in. People only seem pretentous or unsophisticated when they are unable to identify a topic that both can discuss and so they hide behind a wall of class distinctions.
If you were stuck at a dinner party with George Clooney, I suppose you could ask him about the movies and stuff. But that might be a bit too much like asking someone about their work. According to his Wikipedia page, he seems to have a lot of liberal causes he champions. Why would talking about one of those with Clooney be any more or less difficult than talking to anyone here?
The ability to segue easily from interesting topic to interesting topic makes for a good conversationalist, IMO. Someone who can make people laugh is also always popular. I think the key is finding topics that are interesting to everyone and being able to engage multiple people at a time so that you are talking to a group, not one on one necessarily. What they find to talk about, though, I guess must vary from group to group. Around the Middleton social circle I’d assume they talk about polo or hats or something.
Yes, genuine interest is far better than feigned interest, and it’s not too hard to generate genuine interest. And talking about people’s emotional experience is far more interesting than having them rattle off facts.
People tend to like to talk to me, because I basically interview them. It’s much easier and relaxing for the other people not to have to come up with questions to pose or anything. I am actually interested in people so I very much want to know more.
I put in 4.5 years at journalism school and dumped it as a profession but kept it as a social skill!
Beyond the “ask about them and feign interest” parts, I take the OP’s description to mean that Ms. Middleton feels at ease talking to people (not everyone does), has relaxed and welcoming body language, is at least fairly quick witted in her responses, has a good sense of tact to avoid making awkward remarks and generally acts engaging. Anyone can interview you, it takes a little more to make you feel as though you’re in a lively and entertaining conversation.
I think that’s how you become successful. Finding a genuine way to communicate with people. I’m not as successful as Pippa Middleton :rolleyes:;), but I feel I’ve gotten things in life over people who were as qualified (if not more qualified than me) due to my social skills and graces. I know some of you will be looking like this: :rolleyes:, but it’s true. I just take something I find I can be passionate about someone and talk with them. It’s also worked for when people were neutral on things and I had the emotion to say “I’m NOT for X”.
Considering for the Middletons were educated, I’m sure she is very smart and knows the ins and out of British society. However, without the emotional side and grace (and in her case beauty), it won’t get you far. For example, look at how the world took to Diana, Princess of Wales. Camilla is better fit for Prince Charles (and by many accounts smarter than Diana), but people don’t take to her as well. Remember, she was on the scene before Diana.
Sorry this is so long. TL;DR: Smarts only get you so far if you have no charm or emotion.