What do you call your cat?

In My Humble Opinion
1

My cat’s name is Elvis, but I never call him that, so I’m not sure he realizes it. What do you call your cat? Here’s my breakdown:

Real name: Elvis (aka “The King”)

Day-to-day nickname: Pooter*

Positive Honorific: Mr. Clever Kitty

Negative Honorific: Evil Sh!thead

Endearment: Sweetie, Sweetie-pie

Generic term: Kitty (used in such expressions as “what a kitty you are” and “look at that kitty face”)**

[sub]*I have no idea of the etymology of this, but suspect it may derive from “Cutie Patootie.”[/sub]

[sub]**My sister calls her cats “puss,” which I find slightly disturbing. She’s an anglophile.[/sub]

2

[hijack]

It doesn’t matter what you call it, it’ll still give you a look of disdain and stay exactly wherever the hell it damn well wants to!

[/hijack]

3

2 cats named Ceasar and Winston. (actually, my roommate’s cats).

Day to day nickname: kitty boy

negative honorific: fuzzball

4

Real Name: George
Day-to-day Nickname: Georgie (in a broad Southie accent)
Positive Honorific: ?? he hasn’t done anything positive
Negative Honorific: George of the Angry Anus (long story)
Endearment: Digger
**Generic term: ** Ungrateful Freeloader
Theme Song: Georgie Porgy Puddin’ n pie, kissed Napoleon and made him cry…

Real Name: Napoleon
Day-to-day Nickname: Nappy
Positive Honorific: same as George
Negative Honorific: Poop machine
Endearment: Poly-oly-o
**Generic term: ** Ungrateful Freeloader
Theme Song: Oh Nappy, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind, Hey Nappy! [clap clap clap] Hey Nappy!

5

Baptisimal name: Hankyspank
Nickname: Hanky
Positive honorific: Hank-a-Roo
Negative honorific: Poop Monstuh
Endearment: Who Da Kitten? YOU Da Kitten!
Generic Term: My big cat

Baptisimal name: Skippyroo
Nickname: Skippy
Positive honorific: The Skipstress
Negative honorific: That Willful Animal
Endearment: Little Girl-Girl
Generic Term: My little cat

6

Do dogs count?

Real Name: Gromit
Day-to-day Nickname: Grommy
Positive Honorific: Mr. Gromit
Negative Honorific: dumbass
Endearment: doggy woggy foggy loggy doggy
Generic term: Lil’ Boy
Theme Song: The “Wallace and Gromit” theme song, of course!

7

Baptisimal name: Big Mac
Nickname: Mackie
Positive honorific: Mackie the Monstuh
Negative honorific: Licker of Window Blinds
Endearment: Big Kitten
Generic Term: The Cat Who Ate Lambertville
Theme Song: “You’re watching the Mackie the Monstuh Show starring Mackie the Monstuh as … Mackie! In this episode, Mackie sleeps! … Tune in next week when Mackie awakes, stretches, and goes back to sleep!”

Baptisimal name: Feral Intact Male
Nickname: TomatoBoy
Positive Honorific: The Little Boy Under the Stairs Whom We Neutered and Feed
Negative Honorific: That Stinking Orange Cat
Endearment: The Tomatoey One
Generic Term: The Landlord’s Bane

8

Two kitties:

Kitty #1

Baptisimal name: Calamity Jane a/k/a CJ
Nickname: Jaaaaaaaaaane!
Positive Honorific: Queen of All Living Kitties
Negative Honorific: Evil Queen
Endearment: Wittle velvet tortie bear kitty with velvet ears!
Generic Term: CJ

Kitty #2

Baptisimal name: Abby
Nickname: Abner!
Positive Honorific: Good Girl!
Negative Honorific: (there is none…she’s a sweetie)
Endearment: said in the most annoyingly high pitched voice ever “Swwwwweeeeeeeeeetie!!!”
Generic Term: Abner!

9

sadly i can’t have one at my current place, but i will get one at the first available opportunity and he/she will be called:

Cat.

Simple but effective.

10

Actual name-Chairman Meow
Day to day nickname-the Meowster
Positive honorific-Little Man
Negative honorific-Evil Creature
Endearment-Munchkin
Theme song-“Felines…nothing more than…felines”
(sung to the tune of “Feelings”)

11

Actual name: Echo
Day-to-day nickname: The Troublemaker
Positive Honorific: Little Echo!
Negative Honorific: Come 'ere, you…
Endearment: Oh, ECHO!

12

Other Cat

Actual Name: Kramer
Day-to-day nickname: The Devil Cat
Positive Honorific: Goody Two-shoes
Negative Honorific: The devilish one
Endearment: “She’s a beauuutiful laaady”

13

Oops – left out a day-to-day nickname: Tunabreath.

14

Actual name: TJ
Nicknames: Teej, Bubby

15

Real name: Sebastian

Day-to-day nickname: 'Bastian

Positive Honorific: Buddy

Negative Honorific: Nothing, really.

Endearment: Er… buddy?

16

Cat #1:
Real name: Slim

Day-to-day nickname: Schlimmy

Positive Honorific: Sexy, Baby

Negative Honorific: Dumbass feline

Endearment: See above

Generic term: Cat

Cat #2:
Real name: President

Day-to-day nickname: Prez

Positive Honorific: Prime Minister

Negative Honorific: Bush

Endearment: Prezzy

Generic term: Fatty Catty

17

Actual name: Cookie Monster
Nicknames: (in order of derivation): Cookie, the Cookster, the Mookster, Moogly, Moo
Endearment: Monster Monster
Negative: Little fucking bitchcow, where’s the bandaid?

18

Cat #1:
Real name: Hobbes (male, mostly gray with white chin and belly, about 9 years old)

Day-to-day nickname: Hobb, Hobb-cat

Positive Honorific: Hobbsimapussima

Negative Honorific: Boogerpuss

Endearment: Sweet lil’ Hobb-puss

Generic term: My gray kitty

Cat #2:
Real name: Patches (male, black back with patches of white on chin, belly and paws, hence the name, about 2 years old)

Day-to-day nickname: Patch

Positive Honorific: Patchimapussima

Negative Honorific: Boogerpuss (same as for Hobbes)

Endearment: Sweet lil’ Patchpuss

Generic term: My black and white kitty

19

I don’t like cats. So, when my wife asked me if we could have one of the neighbors kittens, I thought I’d be clever:

“Sure.” I says, all smug-like, “But you have to name and call him Rat.”

She agreed. D’OH!

So now I have a cat named Rat:

Real Name: Rat

Day-to-day name: Rat

Positive Honorific: Rat Fink King or Rat Baby

Negative Honorific: (wife): Your Dumb Cat or (me) That Smelly Cat[sup]1[/sup]

Generic Term: Stupid Cat

  1. This has NOTHING TO DO with the stupid ‘Friends’ song with a similar title. This is because he smells.
20

My three:

#1
Baptismal name: Tenshi
Nickname: T
Positive Honorific: T-Man, T-Monster, Mr. T
Negative Honorific: “Cat!”
Endearment: Kitty-Guy, Furball
Generic Term: Tensh

#2
Baptismal name: Meep
Nickname: Meeplet
Positive Honorific: Meepy-creature, Little Girl, Princess
Negative Honorific: None
Endearment: Miss Meep, Cute Stuff
Generic Term: Our blue baby

#3
Baptismal name: Ozymandias
Nickname: Ozzy
Positive Honorific: Ozz-Boo, Ozz-man
Negative Honorific: “KIT-ten!”
Endearment: Baby-Guy
Generic Term: The baby