I’ve heard this term attributed to women mainly, but can men be high maintenance as well? (A certain insecure, overly jealous ex-boyfriend comes to mind) Anyway, my husband likes to joke that I’m high maintenance, but when I ask for specifics he just laughs and says, “Trust me. You just are!” Hmm, well, I don’t know if it’s an insult or not. Lately I’ve decided to wear my “high maintenance” label as a badge of pride. I’m not a wishy washy woman. I tend to know what I want in most situations. I’m not overly confrontational, but I will stick up for myself if I have to. I wear lipstick. I don’t think I’m too demanding. What is it?? I know my husband loves me and thinks I’m lovely alllll the time.
So is “high maintenance” a perjorative term? Is it ever a compliment??
I think guys can most definitely be high maintenance. One guy in particular comes to mind. He was awesome, good looking, great lover, smart…but for God’s sake he was a pain in the @$$. He was very narcisstic and everyting was always about him.
I found myself putting much more into the relationship than I was getting back. I compared him to a sports car that is a lot of fun to drive but requires constant and expensive maintenance to keep that baby running smoothly…I dumped him b/c he was too high maintenance.
“High maintenance” can mean almost anything if the person using the term doesn’t like or otherwise feels somewhat put upon by the specific “maintenance” involved.
If think of emotional “high maintenance” mainly in the context of someone always needing to be attended to and propped up in some form or fashion vs people who are more self reliant. It can be a sort of a compliment if given by someone (usually a man) who sees the “high maintenance” as a fair exchange for the persons company or affections, or it can be derogatory if the person feels they are on the short end of the bargain with a “high maintenance” person.
I’d agree with Crafter Man. I don’t see it as being a compliment at all. No offense, Surreal, but the women I know who are “high maintenance” tend to be needy, clingy and a bit bitchy.
High maintenance means weekly manicures, expensive hair salons, lots of dinners at nice restaurants, real gold jewlery (no gold plate and cubic ziconias), being showered with gifts and compliments all the time, and being treated like a queen.
They wouldn’t be caught dead at a Hair Cuttery, buying make-up at a drug store, buying clothes at Sears or driving a Honda Civic. Only the very best for them! And they make sure everyone knows it, too.
I am definitely not needy, clingy or bitchy…(Um, well, bitchy sometimes, but I think everyone has their less than sweet moments?) I’m not materialistic, but I do think I am a strong woman. I have do have my opinions! I asked my husband about this again last night and he said he wouldn’t trade me for all the low maintenance women in the world…He’s a keeper:D
I suppose the term is, of course, subjective as astro points out. Still, it does seem to be aimed more at women.
There’s a middle ground, Biblio. I’m high maitenance. Everything on your ‘wouldn’t be caught dead’ list applies to me. I don’t make sure everyone know it though :). Expensive hair salon? Check. Real gold? (even name brand! No Kays or Zales for this chick) Check. I don’t need to be showered with gifts and compliments all the time though.
I think high maintenance can also refer to someone who always wants things a very particular way. Like Sally in “When Harry Met Sally.” She is not necessarily high maintenance in the materialistic way (and I have heard it used that way too) but she gives a lot of very specific instructions.
When I have used the term I meant someone who demanded a lot of attention. They couldn’t be left alone for a day or a week without creating a fuss about the relationship. They expect three phone calls a day. If I wanted to spend an evening just with male friends, it was a problem. She had an opinion about everything, and couldn’t relax and just take what comes without commenting or complaining. Occasionally, going out to dinner was just fun, but I never knew when something would get her fur in a fluff. I found it wore me down after a while – it’s exhausting for me to live that way.
Sounds to me, Shana, that your husband is happy with the way you are and that is what really counts. It also sounds like (from what you say) that you are the perfect woman. That’s one that appears to be high-maintenance, but actually isn’t. Now that is a rare find. However, he doesn’t want to admit it, so don’t push him hoping to get him to say so. Just keep being yourself [sup]which is what he likes.[/sup]
I wouldn’t take it as an insult if he married you and laughes it off.
Being an extreemly low maintenance woman, I can offer some insight (and vent a tad as well) on the difference between high/low maintenance…
I ‘do’ my own nails and they look stunning. My hair used to be pay-for-crimp, now it is naturally straightish and I’m happy with it. I need no help with skin tone, taughtness or color. Have no desire to own or wear ‘names’.My outfit is Levi~ish because it wears well and is comfortable.
I can change my own car oil and tires. All yard work is done by ~me~, including mower maint. & repairs. If the need arises for plumbing or electrical work and I don’t know how to do it, I’ll hit the library and the web, never say never, eh?!
Rarely eat out, as I love to cook gourmet meals as often as possible. I particularly enjoy spending a day just making ‘bases’ to freeze.
I could go on and on about what I’m capable of that puts me in the “low maintenance” category, but Surreal struck a cord with me on this topic.
I am low maintenance, brunette, with less-than-large breasts.
Aw…thanks Kniz You’re right. I should just stop questioning him about it. I know he loves me and he also adores teasing me…So I’ll just shut up and be happy!
Gracious giftedest ! That’s quite an impressive list! (We could use someone like you around here boy. I’ve got a couple of sinks that drip and at least 3 rooms that need painting;) )
Anyway, many thanks for all your opinions. This has been really interesting! I think I’ll email my husband this page. He’ll get a charge out of it!!
I didn’t even hit on high maintenance men! That was most of your OP.
Yes, there is such a thing as high maintenance men, and how!
You’ll find them unable to change their own oil, tires, run a clothes washer, work an oven, hold their pee for more than an hour, using hair restorer at great expense and going out of their minds with jealousy by imagining their latest bombshell is cheating on them.
I didn’t even hit on high maintenance men! That was most of your OP.
Yes, there is such a thing as high maintenance men, and how!
You’ll find them unable to change their own oil, tires, run a clothes washer, work an oven, hold their pee for more than an hour, using hair restorer at great expense and going out of their minds with jealousy by imagining their latest bombshell is cheating on them.
You’re right. I should just stop questioning him about it. I know he loves me and he also adores teasing me…So I’ll just shut up and be happy!