I don’t remember the exact quote, but someone here on SDMB, in a similar poll/question, with an obviously hairy ass, aptly answered:
“It it like trying to wipe chunk-style peanut butter off the hair on your head with a Kleenex.”
Other - I use a bidet.
I brake slowly instead of coming to a screeching halt.
Works every time.
I should have added that as an option - apologies.
But for all of the people with smooth, hairless, perfect assholes, why do you think bidets are so popular in most other civilized countries - like Europe and Japan? Do you know something they don’t about wiping or are they just anal-retentive/OCD about cleanliness?
I wipe my ass properly after each dump. Presto! No Skid Marks!
I wipe until there is no more poop left on the paper. I also don’t understand how people get skid marks. Gross.
My husband, who has a typical hairy male butt also does not leave skid marks.
Maybe it’s TMI, but I sometimes get into a problem where I can’t wipe enough with toilet paper – the paper starts abrading so much that it gets painful, and yet it’s still not clean. After lots and lots of wipes. That’s when I can get skidmarks.
Thanks for being honest at least.
I guess that the thread is getting too long for late-comers to read all of the responses, but as OP, I would like to ask people who are saying things like “wipe, moron” to explain why most of the civilized world regards bidets as essential when simple wiping is so obviously idiot proof and so antiseptically thorough. Hmmm? No one wants to touch that one I guess.
I wipe my ass until it’s clean. Maybe it’s because I shave or my diet or my amazingly talented anus, but it doesn’t take much.
I’d always thought skidmarks were a little kid/older incontinent person thing until I, ah, ran across some in a gentleman’s drawers. That was the last time I saw said gentleman’s drawers as well. If you can’t make sure you’ve got clean shorts on before taking off your pants, I really don’t want to get near you, man.
Because there’s a simple difference between being “antiseptically thorough” and properly cleaning yourself so that you don’t get shit stains on your pants.
Excuse me: if you what? :eek:
I was using the literary technique known as “hyperbole” and you didn’t answer the question.
I wipe until clean. Occasionally this calls for a wet wipe, but not often; only if I haven’t been eating right.
I’m not expert on shitting my pants or anything, but I do believe the logic is that a lot of older cities with older plumbing can’t handle a lot of toilet paper, so they clean themselves with bidets + a smaller amount of paper (as opposed to the American way of using 1.5 rolls per deuce). I’m sure someone more schooled on plumbing can either confirm or deny this.
I live in the US and I consider a bidet to be essential.
I know people who feel the same. I meant that if you tell your plumber you want a bidet toilet they look at you funny. IOW, it’s not generally regarded as a necessity in the US. However if you go into most expensive homes even here, the toilets generally have them. To what extent they are actually used though, IDK. Go to Europe though and the idea of having a toilet without a bidet is regarded as barely a level above barbaric.
Okay, embarrassing revelation: I get skid marks sometimes. I’m as clean as is humanely possible without a bidet, including my post-morning-dump shower. But I sometimes sweat a lot in the affected region. There’s definitely a correlation between “sweating” and “skid marks.” I’m not gay so don’t think I have a particularly loose, um, area where sweat could infiltrate then ex-filtrate. Long, long ago I did have a case of hemorrhoids, so I’m now going to follow up on that potential lead for “internal hemorrhoids” someone posted above.
I just have one of these (under $100, install yourself on your existing toilet) http://sanicare-bidets.stores.yahoo.net/acehsbidet.html
Even this, I don’t understand. If I think I’ve got “a nice one in the pipe” I hie myself to the bathroom to deal with it, because I suspect it might be more than a fart. If that doesn’t turn out to be the case, it’s still for the best. I don’t like the smell of other people’s farts, and I don’t like the smell of my own farts any better. In fact, I hate all farts, considering them nothing more than vaporized shit. It doesn’t matter if I’m alone or if I’m with people.
So if I think I"ve got a real blaster cooking up, it’s off to the bathroom I go, where I’ll be ready for any contingency.
Magiver and si_blakely bring up the issue of situations where some organic condition may defeat a reasonably thorough clean-up - at the time of cleanup, the person catches and deal with every external surface succesfully, but at some point the malfunction/injury allows some leakage from what stayed on the inside.
I am no expert on anorectal health (boy is that an easy admission to make) but now that I think of it, I can imagine that a number of people who may have a low-symptomatic condition, i.e. no severe/prolonged pain or bleeding, may not be aware that there is something not normal going on down there. People tend to not check out their own anus.
( BTW, remember Olestra? The food additive that gained a terrible rep because of that lovely potential side-effect?)