I’m going through a very difficult period myself, which is playing havoc with my self esteem.
I can tell you what has helped me … Music - I lose my self in music, I find myself crying at its beauty instead of crying at my misery. Friends - I’ve made some good friends 'round these parts (coincidentally from this very message board). They’ve listened to me rant and rave, and they’ve run by my side at a party clip. Both are welcome diversions. Writing - I started an on-line journal. Up until that time I pretty much withdrew from here because I felt I was ignoring what was important by just being a smart ass (my chosen SDMB pastime) and not laying out my feelings anywhere. Now, my journal is where I discuss my emotions, my fears, my hopes, my insecurities. I can only speak for myself, but I cannot believe how many mini-epiphanies I’ve come to as a direct result. Therapy - I thought for years that I could benefit from therapy, but I didn’t want to be that guy. How misguided I was. It is a bit of a financial hardship, but it is worth it (for me, so far). I think I found a good therapist right out of the shoot. When I’m at my lowest she gives me good advice. When I’m feeling talkative she ilicits deep thoughts. It’s nice to have someone who is contractually bound to listen to you. (I had asked for advice ontherapy on the bourds and I can’t believe how accurate the advice has turned out to be.)
What is bad: Idleness - And I am still not immune to this. I’ve spent entire days just in this past month under my covers in bed cursing my miserable life. It does not feel good. It truly is a waste of time. But goddamn is it hard to shake when you’re in the middle of it. Chemicals - I don’t know if you’re prone to it, but drinking and drugs are only temporary solutions that could lead to permanent problems. I’m all for moderation, but again speaking for myself, when in this state it’s really easy to slip over the edge, so you gotta be careful.
In summary: Keep your head up. Take well meaning advice as it is intended. Reach out to people. And post to SDMB as often as possible (that also helps keep me sane).
I read Neil Gaiman novels and short stories. It usually has the effect of channeling my depression into something a little more thoughtful. Then I write.
Actually, recently I’ve taken to cleaning house when I’m depressed, which is weird because no one in my home ever cleans house. So even though I may spend ten hours working, I’ll usually only get a kitchen or bathroom clean. It does help me, though, to be focused on something physical, not emotionally charged or intellectual, and semi-productive. Oh, and same goes for gardening and yardwork.
I go off and be depressed for a while. I shut everyhing and everyone out of my life and just go off for a long walk and listen to my thoughts. It sounds like the worst thing you could do if you’re trying to be less down, but it works for me. It takes time, and it can be rough, but it works. Within a few days or weeks I usually have a better grip on things and can rejoin the world of the happy.
I also find solace in music. I’ll choose a song that has the same amount of misery in it as I’m feeling and I’ll play it endlessly. The neat thing is, I’ve always found songs that summed up my feelings perfectly, and I’ve always found them with little effort. And I’ve never had to re-use a song.
It makes for one hell of a (depressing) compilation CD.
I have an online journal, too, and I write about the same things Jack Batty mentioned: hopes, fears, insecurities, emotions. I’ve had some nights where I wanted to whine and bitch and just babble endlessly about the things that were inside my head. I can do that in my journal without fearing I’m slowly boring someone to death by having them listen to me.
Either he cheers me up, or he tells me about his life, which is usually 10 times worse than mine. And then either I feel guilty for thinking my problems were so major, or I laugh, because he’s more screwed up than me.
I would say that I generally cry, read a book, watch a movie or something to get my mind off of depression. However, sometimes it comes on really strong, and everything seems pointless. No book seems worth reading, boring in fact, movies seem stupid, crying seems like a waste of time, eating will just make me fatter, etc.
I have been going through a recent cycle of depression, and it has hit me pretty hard. I have not had a girlfriend or sex in almost 7 years, and I am only 24, I am bald, fat, lazy and boring. I have no friends, and fit in nowhere. Even my parents eyes glaze over noticably when I try to talk to them about it. Throw in the fact that I am stupid, can’t remember shit, ugly as sin, and short (and a history of depression running in my family). Personally I just wrote a short little rant about myself in the Pit, and it made me feel soooo much better. Hey, hope over and bitch about yourself too, and what your hate about yourself, it works wonders. If it works for me, I am sure it can work for just about anybody. Hell, the only reason I don’t just up and off myself is that I made a promise to a girl that I genuinely loved. She left me, and I promised her I would never kill myself for stupid reasons.(she got mad, thinking I was calling her stupid)
I’m basically a happy guy, in that there’s always something I’m looking forward to, so it’s rare that I become terribly depressed. When I do become depressed, I can usually trace it back to an event that brought it on. Either something somebody said, or drinking or drugs (in my youth, an ecstatic hallucinogenic event would be followed by a few days of depression; nowadays weaning myself off of painkillers makes me feel shitty for a few weeks). Knowing where the particular bout of depression came from helps me somewhat.
One thing that’s kind of funny is that my confused relationship with music is my number one source of feelings of failure. But then I’ll crank some tunes and play along with bass and it’s the greatest thing ever.
We all get depressed at times. Usually, doing some highly physical activity works. However, if it becomes a regular occurence, or you start feeling like hurting yourself, seek help immediately.
Depression sometimes starts this way, and works downward. The blues become more frequent, deeper and longer duration. When this starts happening, get help immediately.
While depression is treatable, suicide attempts often are not. Take it from someone who has been there.
I drive. A lot. Down roads I’ve never been down before, to towns I’ve never seen. I like not knowing exactly where I am or how I get back.
I listen to more aggressive music, with lots of fast percussion and loud lyrics.
I usually do those two things together. It never makes me feel any better, but it gets me away from everything for a while. It’s a brief distraction from basic reality.
Great Ghu.:eek:
I didn’t realize I’d be tapping into such a gusher of suggestions - or despair, for that matter. Ladies and gentlemen, I have tried the suicide thing many years ago, and barely survived it. That simple fact will, I think preserve me for many years to come, because I realized how stupid and meanspirited it was. It was very much the act of a child banging its head on the wall screaming “I’ll show you!” I don’t believe I could ever be so cruel to those I love again. I am aware of my shortcomings, certainly. The secret, I think, is to work around those faults and turn them in positive directions, or at least seek ways to minimize their effects. As far as later events in my life, I go by a few simple rules.
Panic later.
There is always hope.
There is always somebody you know who is worse off than you are; find him/her and see to it that they are better off.
Taking care of others IS taking care of youself.
If nothing else, sunrises are cool.
Sorry, don’t want to make myself sound like a saint - these are ideals, not reality.
You’ve so much to learn. Check this out. We’re all a little crazy sometimes.
Re: Suicide. It’s not always about “I’ll show you!” Sometimes people can’t help it. Take me, for example. Recalling my days of self-destructive behavior, all I really remember is that I definitely was NOT myself. I didn’t really want to die, but I couldn’t imagine going through life anymore. And even when I wasn’t trying to kill myself, when I was just cutting, I couldn’t stop it. It was like I’d “wake up” (from a daze or whatever) all bloody with cuts all over my arms and legs. I didn’t even really remember doing it. Then again, I’m nuts. So take that as you will.
I haven’t touched a knife in almost two years because I can’t trust myself.
I recently flew out from a rather long stretch in the stormclouds of depression. It involved a girl, and my regret that I never told her how I felt about her before she moved away, and during said depression, I was slightly anorexic and somewhat suicidal, in that I didn’t care whether I lived or died.
How I came out of it was simple. I went out on the Internet, looking for new things. I discovered the wonderful world of Beethoven, the Beatles, and Mozart, found many an interesting Website, and boned up on my German. I began putting my thoughts on paper, then threw them away, to begin anew the next day, in a cycle (I would have begun an online hournal, but didn’t find the time, or desire to do so). That all pulled me out of it rather nicely. Now I realize just how wonderful living is, and how much of an accident my life is, statistically.
Familiarity dulls the mind. Find new things. Look for the unique, the never-before-experienced. Go for long walks in areas you’ve never been before. I went for an extrememly long walk along the railroad tracks near my home, and found places I never even thought existed.
Everyone here has posted good ideas. Just don’t overdue the sleep thing. During my worst depressive episode, I stayed up till the wee hours and slept all day - I had a day job, so this was not good. I called in sick a lot. Eventually I was asked to resign. That was a long time ago. Since you’re feeling like a failure, another thought is: volunteerism. I was going thru a bad spell about 5 years ago - was all wrapped up in a man, unhappy with my job – during a counselling session, I had the idea of volunteering to get my arse out of the house and my mind off myself. Volunteered as a docent at the Smithsonian (I’m in D.C. are), and discovered I enjoyed helping othe people learn. Sure, I still had some unhappy moments even as I did the job, but dealing with the public as I had to, they soon passed. I learned a lot, met some wonderful people,and opened myself up to a whole new world. Do you have a special interest, hobby? Volunteer. YOu might find you want a job related to it; if nothing else, it’ll make you feel productive and good about yourself.
