I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition
That’s because NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Courtesy of Axel the Sot:
- Shave his bollocks with a rusty razor.
- Put a lobster in his britches.
3a. Kick him in the stomach, til he pukes his guts out
3b. Catch it in a bucket, and make him drink it
Bonus
Q: What do you do with a drunken minstrel?
A: Throw him in bed with a drunken bar wench.
When I first heard this song (at a school assembly program, if you can believe that), the last verses went like this:
“Lock him in the cabin with the captain’s daughter”
“Captain’s daughter looks like orangatan”
“Captain’s daughter swinging in the rigging”
“That’s what you do with a drunken sailor”
It really was a rather misogynistic song, come to think.
Completely off topic but . . . I am so happy to find an Oscar Brand aficionado!
Would you care to hear the story about how my mom got called up before the P.T.A. after neighbours complained about me singing “put a nickel on the drum, save another drunken bum” at the top of my voice at age 6 as I marched down the middle of the road?
Voted Other.
In my 20 year career in the Navy, it mostly involved trying to get past the OOD without puking on him, followed by putting him in his rack, and taking magic marker to the face. Or shaving one side of the head (including one eyebrow). Or the old shaving cream on the hand and then tickle the nose (Nice pie in the face effect). I will add as I remember more.
“Write on him in Magic Marker
Write on him in Magic Marker
Write on him in Magic Marker
Earl-y in the mor-nin’!”
Ahem, post 31.
Well shivver me timbers if Cecil hasn’t already discussed this, ye scurvy landlubbers!
We sing “put him in the bed and tickle him all over.” But we also start it “Ohhhhh, what shall we do with a goofy baby?” so maybe that makes a difference.
That story just writes itself!
Put him in the brig and make him holler
Where did you get the hosepipe to put on him in the scuppers?
This is what I’ve heard too, but I selected the first option because the next verse was “Keep him there and make him bail her.”
Put 'im in the scuppers with a hose-pipe on 'im.
For no other reason than, when you sing the song, that’s the hardest one to ennunciate correctly. 
I think someone already mentioned Fleet Week… 
You should teach them a different song. (Then you’ll just have get someone to clarify the geography of the Netherlands).
My childhood version never specified where the sailor would be shaved. As long as the razor was rusty, it didn’t seem to matter.