Early in the morning?
Nail him to the courthouse door.
Put 'im in the scuppers. Turn the hose upon 'im!
Hit him in the ankle with a frozen llama.
Put him in a longboat 'til he’s sober.
Poke him with the soft cushions?
You’ll need a large glass and access to a bathroom.
Take two large spoonfuls of tabasco sauce, a shelled egg, some Guiness and whipped cream.
Mix well. 
Serve to sailor, murmuring something about ‘hair of the dog’.
Stand well back. :eek:
Shave his belly with a rusty razor.
Put him in the hold with the captain’s daughter.
Now he’s drunk and has a sore ankle, and we’ve got an angry, cold llama to deal with, too.
Hire him at Exxon?
Make him skipper of an Exxon tanker
Ear-lie in the mornin’.
Sodomy.
As a sailor who enjoys being drunken, I’ll volunteer for experimentation on this subject.
I would particularly like to endorse “Put HER in the hold with the Captain’s daughter.” 
The llama thing may be too kinky even for me, though.
How 'bout “lay her out on a stretcher on the dock until she’s capable of climbing the brow without being carried?” Poor meter, but it’s what we did on my ship.
another popular option was
Drive 'er in a whaleboat
'til she pukes all over . . . .
Hoo-ray, up she rises, eh?
I know noone will believe me, but this was actually the title of a Powerpoint briefing I was given on the dangers of alcohol abuse.
(The Navy’s answer to the OP? Getting sent Gen Det to a ship. :eek: )
< Goblin >Roast 'em alive, or stew them in a pot;
Fry them, boil them and eat them hot?
< /Goblin >
Show him where he left his pants then show him the front door.
Leave him on shore. When he wakes up he can swim to catch up…
Roll her* in the bed and tickle her all over.
[sup]*[/sup]Sailors don’t have to be men, this is the 21st century. And if’n I’m doing the ticklin’ then it best be a seafarin’ lass. Arrrrr.