Please help a celibate sailor

My SO is the captain of a freight ship, right now he is at sea and it is my duty to keep him amused thru the 4 months he will be out in the ocean. He likes sailor jokes a lot, do you have any good sailor jokes to share.

Think of this as your good deed of the day, just imagine how bad it is for this poor soul at sea and with no possibility of having sex in the next 4 months. That is the least you can do to cheer him up (that or sending me enough money to quit my job and go do the cheering up personally).

What DID they do with the drunken sailor, anyway?

They put him in the bed with the captain’s daughter, early in the morning.

He is not allowed to drink while on duty. It can be a boring job.

A relatively “clean” joke.
A drunken sailor on liberty got into a big mud puddle in the street and was looking for something there.

Soon two other sailors came over and asked him: “Hey, bud, what are you looking for?”

“You better give me a hand, men,” said the drunk.

The new arrivals walked into the puddle too and set about searching something unknown. At last the first drunk got out of the puddle and exclaimed: “I’ve found it!”

“What did you find?”

“The shore!” he exclaimed.

An oldie but a goodie.
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old times sake. He finds a little prostitute and goes up into the room with her, draping his sailor suit across the bed.

He’s goin’ at it as best he can for a guy his age and asks, “How am I doin’?” The prostitute says, “Well, sailor, you’re doing about three knots.”

“What’s that?”, he asks.

She says,“You’re knot hard, you’re knot in, and you’re knot getting your money back.”

Just because.
A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, “Look, you’ve got a lot to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day.” Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.”

The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose?

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, the captain discovered her. “What are you doing here?” the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, “I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He’s taking me to Europe, and he’s screwing me.” The captain looked at her, “He sure is lady, this is a Ferry.”