a) Put him in a long boat till he’s sober
b) Pull out the plug and wet 'im all over
Have you seen the Captain’s daughter?
I’m most familiar with the Dust Rhinos’ version of the song, so
- Tie him to the main mast 'til he gets sober,
- Shave his belly with a rusty razor
- Throw him in bed with the captain’s daughter,
I’ve also recently heard a version with “shave his balls with a rusty razor.”
Take him to the pub and get him drunker
Kick him in the belly till he pukes his guts out
Catch it in a bucket and make him drink it
What Do You Do With A Drunken Sailor?
Read about it on the CBC’s site, of course.
According to this Wikipedia entry, Portsmouth’s dockside whores have the best idea:
Dr Anne Coren of London explains its meaning in a letter to The Times (Saturday 28th January 2006) in which she tells us that the shanty is all about the condition of bosun’s droop whose colloquial equivalent, the drunken sailor, was coined by the working women of Portsmouth, referring not to the tar himself but to that part of his anatomy most affected by a night of heavy drinking about which, as the song says, nothing can be done on the morning after. “Unless, that is, a bit of TLC care is administered by the woman”, she writes, “whereupon the cure is greeted with the cry ‘Hey, ho, and up she rises, hey, ho, and up she rises, hey, ho, and up she rises, early in the morning!’”
Another vote here for “Make him skipper of an Exxon tanker.”
“…give (her) some time,
to blow the man down!”
I think I’ve done every one of those things (and many others) with various drunken sailors.
Do tell.
Join him with his bottle of rum.
Well, the version we used to sing back in junior high in West Texas was pretty close to “Put him in bed with the captain’s daughter” but a tad more vulgar, so I voted “Other.”
Haul him up to the tops’l yardarm.
Another Corsairs fan? They usually used these, along with some disparagement of the Captain’s daughter. (“She looks like an orangutan…early in the mornin’.”)
Drunks cause problems aboard ship. Off to the brig or guardroom with him 'til he’s sober.
Yup, pity they broke up, but I guess some of them had to move for their real jobs and long-distance shanty-ing just didn’t work out all that well.
C’mon, you can’t just leave us hanging like that!
Put a lobster in his trousers.
I remember hearing
“Fill 'im to the rim with hot, black coffee”