Well then, my biz law professor was a big fat liar.
From Nolo Press:
http://www.nolo.com/article.cfm/catId/F896EE61-B80C-4FE1-B1687AC0F07903BA/objectId/E2120B2B-1C65-4E77-92A0ADC4FA3EDC2A/118/304/ART/
Found by Googling 'engagement ring return contract ’ (not in quotes)
"Courts generally treat the engagement ring as a gift, from the donor (the person who gave the ring) to the donee (the person who received it)… But the majority of courts also consider such a gift to be a conditional one. That means that, until some future event occurs, the gift isn’t final; if that event does not occur, then the donor has the right to get the gift back. …Women who want to keep their engagement rings often argue that the condition needed to make the engagement ring a final gift is simply the acceptance of the proposal of marriage, not the completion of the marriage ceremony. That way, if the engagement is broken, the ring remains her property.
But this argument often loses. The majority of courts find that the gift of an engagement ring contains an implied condition of marriage; acceptance of the proposal is not the underlying “deal.” Absent some other understanding …most courts look at engagement rings as conditional gifts given in contemplation of marriage: “Once it is established the ring is an engagement ring, it is a conditional gift.” Heiman v. Parrish, 942 P.2d 631, 633 (Kan. 1997). …
Just a few years ago, the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania stuck steadfastly to the no-fault reasoning and decreed that the donor should always get the ring back if the engagement is broken off, regardless of who broke it off or why. Lindh v. Surman, 742 A.2d 643 (Pa. 1999). Iowa, Kansas, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, and Wisconsin have the same rule."
I snipped some here & there to keep within Fair Use.
But yes, ladies, you should give the Engagement ring back. Legally- you may well have to. IANAL.
My ex-wife has all of hers and it would never have occurred to me to ask for it back.
I have my plain white gold wedding band. Gold is at a fairly high price right now so I’ll probably sell it for the metal value if I can find a place that will do that around here. I think that it was samclem who said that it should be sold for 10% below spot.
Once someone gives you something as a gift, they have no say over what you do with it forever after. I guess some gifts, particularly heirlooms, do come with some conditions attached.
I have sold jewelry given to me by my first husband, otherwise known as my current husband, because I just didn’t like it, I was pissed off at him (only for about five years running) and I wanted the money. I never wore it much anyway so he hasn’t missed it.
In case anyone was wondering about my case, I did try to give the ring back. With great force, aimed at his head. He gave it back and told me I deserved to keep it. Not going to air my dirty laundry here, but after what he did to me I definitely deserved some Payless shoes and lunch at Chick-Fil-A, bare minimum.
I gave back my first two engagement rings.
Other than that the only jewelry given to me by an ex were two gorgeous silver bracelets which I kept and wore until they broke. I might still do something with them, but I’m pretty sure you can’t fix stuff like that once it breaks in the middle.
From the legal point of view, that scenario means the ring is now yours. Originally it was given as a gift in contemplation of marriage. After the contemplated marriage fell through, you quite properly attempted to return it (but be careful, you could put an eye out). When he gave it back to you and told you to keep it, that was an unconditional gift to you, so it was yours.
The ex-fiancee in my case unsucessfully tried to argue that my client had made an unconditional gift of the ring to her after the marriage was called off.
If you’re totally up on etiquette, a lady shouldn’t accept jewelry from a gentleman who is not her husband or a close blood relation (the only exception being an engagement ring).
Of course, if a marriage dissolves, the jewelry may be disposed of in any way which the recipient chooses- thrown in the nearest river, a safety deposit box, re-gifted, re-set, melted down, pawned, worn everyday- whatever you like.
Melt them down and make talismans to ward off the evil that beseeched thee!!
Please read the above posts on Engagement rings.
Susie Derkins, well, you tried. It’s his fault now.
I never had an engagement ring from any ex - heck, I didn’t get one from my husband, not that I care.
I do have two pieces of costume jewelry from an ex - a necklace (he had a matching one for himself) and an opal ring (long story, but not given as a token of affection or anything) - when he dumped me (funny story - hah - he was at sea and he dumped me!!) I was going to send back everything he’d ever given to me. But by the time I gathered it together (there wasn’t a lot - it was just not all in the same place) I’d mellowed, so I kept it all. We did sorta reconcile - that is, we met again and parted as friends - and I still have the two pieces. I never wear them because I just don’t wear jewelry any more. But I don’t know if I could give them away. Weird, huh?
If it’s an engagement ring, it seems like the consensus is to return it, or at least to keep it until you’re sure he doesn’t want it back. In any other case, I would avoid returning jewelry/other gifts unless you want to make a scene or give your ex a final jab (which you may well want to, depending on the case shrug).
But if you don’t want to see it, get rid of it. Either make it into something new as people have suggested, sell it or gift it to someone who would really enjoy it. It’ll make something positive out of the experience. I got a couple of crappy pieces from an ex (we were young) and when I broke up with him I kept wearing them till they broke. We got back together later and he screwed me over/broke up with me. At that point I would have sold them had they been worth anything.
I agree with getting rid of it or changing it. Unless looking at the piece brings back rushes of fond, happy memories (never really the case for me), best to be free of it.
I am not a wasteful or careless person but I admit I have thrown jewelry away. It felt good to be rid of the negativity that was attached to it and constantly emanating from my jewelry box.
Says who?
BoBettie- Miss Manners for one, any etiquette book you like.
Jewelry is an appropriate gift for a wife or blood relative, for a girlfriend it has overtones of a slightly more, how shall I put this, “professional” relationship.
Not that I’m saying I stick to it myself; my husband and I bought each other watches the first Christmas we were together, because, as it happens, I needed a new watch, and his was a gift from an ex, which he decided he no longer wanted to wear.
It’s just that extravagant jewelry suggests that either you’re being “kept” and treated as a trophy, or that you’re taking him for all he’s worth.
I must be odd… I don’t really assign a significant emotional value to anything I obtained in past relationships, and have no problem wearing things given to me by exes. The only real feelings they might stir are fond memories of when things were good, since that’s quite likely when they were given to me. But, I’ve been accused of being complacent, and remarkably unbitter about these things… Maybe it’s because I’ve never had what I would consider a truly bad relationship.