I suck at analogies. I gave one today in the Cel (sic) 
phone thread that was totally flawed. I don’t even know why I attempt them.
I’m also the worst singer in the Universe. Have to mouth the words to “Happy Birthday” because people automatically get flustered if I chime in with my off-key self.
The first thing that leaps to mind is my total inability to sing. I was asked to leave a church choir. I believe that says it all.
I have no sense of direction. Don’t ever ask me where we are. I will not know the answer.
Building stuff.
I’m okay at assembling prefab bookshelves, desks, etc, but my attempts to build from scratch make Homer Simpson look like Norm Abram!
The Spider totally sucketh at math, oh aye. That ol’ dragon shall not be slain by me, not in my lifetime. :smack:
I don’t like algebra and such. I can do basic math but you throw in X’s and Y’s and I get all flustered. Now, my father and brother can do math like nobody’s business and it’s not fair. My brother’s not using his math ability and I swear upon his life (tee hee) that if I had it, I’d have done the college thing. I really would have… promise.
I also suck at cooking. I hate to cook, did NOT have a good role model in the kitchen. My mom hates to cook and never did anything harder than prepare boxed foods. I’ve entertained the idea of taking a cooking class one of these days because I feel like I should learn how to cook real food, real meals. I do enjoy baking pumpkin pie but if you reread the first part of this sentence you may notice that the pie is pumpkin and I just friggin’ loooooove pumpkin pie.
There’s a BIG benefit to my making my own pumpkin pie. I get to eat it and I know it tastes gooooooood! With making a meal (real food not boxed crap), I don’t know how it may taste. No benefit for sure, possible trip to the garbage or perhaps a handy, hungry doggie to deal with the smoking remains of my attempts. I used to be terrified of the stove/oven when I was a child. Thought it was just laying in wait to scorch me. Think that had to do with some guy selling smoke detectors and his speech on kitchen safety. I also thought the sound of my dad’s alarm clock was the wires in the wall getting ready to explode. That was definately due to the same guy showing slides of burned houses on the wall (I was 4-5 at the time) but I digress. Cooking is not my thing but I do do windows.
same as Mr. Blue sky; I am great at assembling something, but I am NOT a handyman, by any stretch of the imagination.
Also dancing. Gah.
I have no knack for ice skating, roller skating, or bicycling.
I’m not too good at starting or holding a conversation.
Lying, or rather dissembling. If you ask me point-blank what I think about something, I’ll tell you.
Examples: “I hated that album.” - “I think that politician is a lying sack of shit.” - “I think <movie> is a work of genius.” Now, I may be polite about it (“Sorry, but I thought that movie was bad”), but my opinion will not be in doubt.
I am constitutionally incapable of maintaining a position contrary to my actual view just to be social. For example: I don’t talk about the fact that I’m an atheist except with my wife and on these boards, but a few days ago my boss “outed” me by asking me directly whether or not I believed in God in a meeting. Even as the big red flag went up in my mind, I heard the word “no” coming out of my mouth. My very-Christian co-worker was rather shocked, to say the least. I should have wiggled out with a vague non-response, but I can’t do that. I just can’t.
So I would suck at any job that required me to say other than what I thought. Politics, for example. I’m very interested in politics, but I believe in responding to a direct question with a direct and truthful answer (including, when appropriate, “I don’t know”), and I’d make a horrible politician for that reason. I know people say they want honest politicians, but they keep on refusing to elect candidates who actually make clear statements and assert unambiguous positions on issues, so it’s pretty clear what voters really want. And it ain’t me.
I am very bad at being assertive, and I don’t have a lot of leadership skills.
I’m also terrible at cooking. I’ve never cooked meat in my life, not because I’m a vegetarian but because I’m convinced I’d give everyone food poisoning.
And I totally blow at chemistry. Biology I’m okay with, physics I like, chemistry - run for the hills! When I took chemistry four years ago, I broke two beakers during the first lab because I was so nervous.
None. Zip. Zilch. Nada.
It baffles me how people can effortlessly reel off stuff like, “Oh, that’s on the northwest…” etc. Their brains can do something mine just plain won’t. And I’ve tried, hard, to learn.
No lie, I can make myself physically dizzy trying to figure it out, even at home. I have to start from a known landmark and mentally trace a map from there. Here at home the Mississippi River runs from east to west, so I start at the river and if something’s upstream it’s east, if something’s toward Iowa that’s north…
I just tried to figure out what direction my house faces. I’ve lived here 16 years and I still had to think, okay the river’s on the left so I’m facing…
…
…
…
east.
My brain isn’t wired right somehow.
Veb
Very much the same. It’s funny, I spent countless years hauling sons to ice arenas, watching youth hockey games and even managing the travel team but I’ve never had a pair of ice skates on. I’m not much on the bicycle either.
Biggest personal suck skill though would have to be confrontation. It’s not that I don’t have my values, I just prefer to find another way around ppl who are intent on being assholes. I’m just a guy who can usually find something to be happy about in any situation. Don’t like to waste my time on dealing with negatives.
I totally suck at typing. I have been using a computer for years, but I still have to look at the keyboard. I still make many, many typos. It takes me a long time to type out even a short post. I spend hours typing even short papers for school. I’ve tried Mavis Beacon, it didn’t help. I don’t know how I can spend hours doing something and never improve!
My beloved is the same way. We call it directional dyslexia.
I’m waiting for some smartass to say ‘fellatio’. :eek:
I cannot sew a button on to save my life. It amazes me that even now, enlightened times and all that, people still express shocked surprise that I, a bona fide ovary owner, can’t sew.
You can’t even fix a dropped hem?
No, is that sewing, I can’t sew.
But, surely, you can whip a simple blah de blah mathingy stitch and make your own drapes, it’s sooooo easy!
No, I don’t sew. I don’t know how, never learned, have no interest in acquiring the knowledge now, tyvm.
I once waitressed midnights at a Denny’s by my local airport, pretty fun job and a great bunch of coworkers. During one incredibly busy bar rush, I somehow caught a pocket of my slacks on one of those little circlet thingies that stick out of the side of a booth that you can attach a rope to close off a section. Not realizing I’d caught myself, I kept going another step and the pocket didn’t, causing a major wardrobe malfunction. I’ve got my arms loaded with a table of four’s drunken grease extravaganza, and my pants are now ripped straight down the seam and slowly going south as I stand there with a dumbass deerintheheadlights look. Luckily, someone took pity and grabbed the plates from me, allowing me to snatch my pants back up and hobbledy jog into the back. I grabbed a stapler, secured the seam, and continued working, what else could I do?
Somehow, I never lived that down, coworkers found it screamingly funny that I didn’t have a wee sewing kit handy in my purse and stapled my clothes on instead. Seriously? Women under fifty carry sewing kits?!
I’d be remiss if I didn’t just do a giant OWW. That’s harsh.*
*but I was laughing reading your post; sorry
Now you know how Barney Fife felt.
I am a horrible athlete. The only sport I have some talent in is basketball, and I’m too short to make a good basketball player.
I, too, have directional dyslexia. I don’t know which direction my house faces. I know that Chattanooga is east and Memphis is west, Birmingham is south and Lexington is North. If I’m on the interstate I can figure out which way I’m headed because of that. Other than that I’m lost. I can follow a map or directions, but I have no intuitive knowledge of location.
StG
I also suck at having a sense of direction. It’s bad. If I go to an unfamiliar restaurant and go to the bathroom, my family/friends know to come find me if I’m not back in 10 minutes. I will get lost trying to find my way back to the table.
If I exit a parking lot a different way than I came in, it takes me a good while to figure out which direction I’m facing.
Tucson (city limits) is pretty easy to get to learn N, S, E, and W, but get me out into the country and I’m screwed.
It’s a big running joke in my family how often I get lost, but really it afflicts all the other women in my family too.
I’m not very good at any task requiring hand/eye co-ordination. So I’m not a very good driver and I’ve never managed to learn how to handle a manual car. Ball games are a bit of a disaster too. I was always pretty hopeless at cricket and rugby at school.
I cannot carry a tune to save my life–I’m a horrible singer. Kills me, because I love music, love dancing… and I make dogs howl with my voice.
Basic math I have no problem with, but put an algebra equation in front of me and watch me crumble.
Oh, how I’m tempted.