What do you think a housewife's responsibilities include?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I am a housewife like the one mentioned in the OP, except our apartment is about 700 sq feet instead of (an oh so lovely) 1500 sq feet. We do have two cars, and we are comfortably in middle class (though tipping toward upper middle very quickly, but that’s not important). I consider my duties to be all of those listed, except for handling the finances, because I’m really no good at it. I just finished paying off my last Canadian credit card… it was in collections, so that should give you an idea of my money-handling abilities. :eek:

My husband doesn’t ask me to do any of these things, they are just things I do because I’m home all day. We have no children, just two cats, who aren’t too hard to tidy up after (I just got a Dyson, that’s a huge help in the cat area). My husband sometimes takes out the trash, but only if for some reason I haven’t gotten around to it first. He’s recently started taking turns with me cleaning the litterbox, because he hates that I do it all the time. Also, he’s recently got the notion that because I cook, the “least he could do” is clean the dishes. Bah, I say. He works all day, and I’m at home all day. I am unable to work at this time, so I personally think I have all kinds of time and energy to keep my end of things running.

I include mowing the lawn, not because we have a lawn, but because if I’ve got most of my chores done early/ahead of time, I will walk to my father-in-law’s and mow his lawn and weed his garden (and rake in the fall), just to help him out. He has a tough time staying bent over or on his knees for too long these days, so I like to help where I can. When we get our own home, I will consider mowing/weeding to be one of my duties, as well, unless hubby says he wants to.

A few other things I do that are not on the list:
Sometimes I run a few errands, like going to the bank (I deposit and withdraw, either for me or my husband, I don’t keep track, that’s his job!) I don’t have a car, so I walk there. I often go out and pick up a few groceries we need.
I make the beds each morning. My husband tries to on the weekends, but he doesn’t do it the way I like, but I won’t re-do it, he’ll just apologise for it and I’ll bite my tongue and be appreciative. We both like it better when I do it, though.
Cat box, as mentioned, and fish tank care and maintenence - however, the Mr. likes to feed them, so I let him do that part.
I also tend to keep a close inventory of our household supplies, be it food or sundry. I’m the one who knows how much of what we have and when we need to restock.

Incidentally, my husband does the laundry, but that’s because we take it to his father’s house (rather than pay $1.50 per wash load! And another $1.50 to dry - agh! No wonder we got such a good deal on the apartment, they rob you with the laundry!) and he drives, so it’s just easier for him to do it on his day off. I, however, do the ironing, but I enjoy it. His work shirts need to be ironed.

And quite honestly, I think I’m getting a good deal out of this. :smiley:

22

I feel like I’ve stepped into a timewarp. Do people really still use the term “housewife?”

Of course you should expect a hot breakfast every morning and a spotlessly clean house at all times. And don’t forget:
Chopping wood and keeping the fire going in the woodstove at all times.
Scrubbing floors.
Slopping pigs.
Butchering and making sausage.
Milking cows.
Churning butter.
Shearing sheap, carding and spinning, and knitting colorful stylish sweaters.
Baking cakes and pies.

23

What’s wrong with it? I’m a wife… who stays in the house, more or less…

Your posts reminds me, I also knit and bake, but because I enjoy it. :stuck_out_tongue:

I enjoy it. I’m not told to do it.

24

What Anastaseon said.

25

I knit & bake, too! I’m trying to convince my husband that when (if!) we ever get a little land, we should get a couple sheep so that I can learn how to spin my own yarn, but he inexplicably keeps rolling his eyes at me :slight_smile: .

26

I honestly love the idea - you see, there was a lady back home who had a very rich husband, and she opened her own little store full of hand knitted sweaters, mittens, gah-gah-gorgeous scarves, etc, and there were these mittens she had, the softest ever, and I asked her what in the world she used to make them. Get this: She owns several pet rabbits. She brushes them, and uses the loose hairs to make her own yarn out of rabbit hair. Humane and ever so soft! swoon She also made her own yarn out of some sheep they kept (they lived in this beautiful Tudor style house in the middle of a huge field, with horses and some sheep that you could see as you drove by… bliss, I say! Lucky woman!) She had the most beautiful fisherman’s jackets and sweaters… soooo expensive, though, but they would be so worth it.

Ever since then, I’ve been hoping someday the Mr. and I can retire on a nice farm, and you’re damn right I’d make my own yarn! :cool:

27

Your husband’s a lucky guy, Anastasaeon.

If I were in a relationship and one of us didn’t work, I wouldn’t expect anything out of him or her except general upkeep of our house or apartment and cooking dinner, assuming they’re okay at it. Everything else would be left to whoever decides to do it.

28

Is this an able-bodied person we’re talking about here? Not on disability or mentally incompetent/deficient?

If so, and there’s no children, and the family is not exceptionally wealthy, then why the hell would this person not be working? And why the hell would the husband agree to this arrangement??? :confused: :confused: :confused:

29

There are various reasons that someone would pick such a lifestyle, Nyctea. And I’m just gonna say, that if someone chooses it this way, then that is their decision.

30

I really don’t think there is any right or wrong answer here–happy marriages don’t have anything to do with what is objectivley “fair”, they have everything to do with both partners feeling that what they are getting out of the relationship is worth what they are putting into it. The only reason to pay attention to what other people do is to get ideas to try. What is “reasonable” just doesn’t make any actual difference.

I will say that in my own marriage, the hours-per-week-contributed has veered wildly from one partner to the other. We’ve never sought to make it “fair”–we’ve only ever sought to make it something we are both happy with.

31

Since the little guy was born, I have not worked outside of the home. I do everything except mowing the lawn and finances. Dave also is the cook the majority of the time.

It’s not that he can’t or won’t do the other things that need to be done, it’s that I prefer the way I do it the first time, and I don’t like the way I feel when I go behind him and do it the way I like it. I have asked him not to do laundry or clean, etc.

32

Um. I’d like to suggest that if the roof is under your head, the contractor is the next bill to be paid. :wink:

33

This implies that the family may make more money if both work. Not always true. First, assume that both people make about the same amount of money. The marriage penalty will tax them at a higher rate than it would if they were single. (Note, however, that the marriage bonus would help them if they have one high-earning spouse and one low-earning spouse.) The marriage penalty means that there could be less money being brought home than you would think – only a couple thousand dollars, but that adds up.

Second, with both spouses working, there are some tasks that the couple may need to “outsource,” including cooking and cleaning. For example, with both working, they may eat out more, or may eat more “quick” meals, which generally cost more than cooking from scratch. In addition, with less free time, the couple may be willing to pay more for things rather than do the research to find lower cost alternatives.

Third, there are additional costs for transportation, including gas and wear and tear on a vehicle, that will be incurred.

In short, there are situations in which it can be fiscally appropriate to have one partner work outside the home and one partner work to maintain the home.

34

Were I to marry a man whose job afforded me to stay home, I’d expect to do most of these things. The exceptions would be mowing the lawn (not because that’s “man’s work” but because cut grass is one of the few things to trigger an asthma reaction) and doing the finances because I’m crap at math. Add in food & sundries shopping and laundry instead.

35

I am a housewifely type person with two kids and I have a part time job. I do almost all that stuff…I do the yard, but not the finances. I provide approximately 70 homemade meals a snacks a week! (I don’t know why that entertains me so when I say it like that.)

Since I have the luxury of time that my husband does not, I use it to get all those jobs done. We like to goof off on the weekends together, so I try to finish all that work stuff during the week and I certainly don’t want DH to spend his little bit of spare time mowing the lawn on the weekend when we could be spending it together doing something fun. I’m a traditional appearing (but not in reality) home-body and I (and we) like it that way.

My neighbor, whose family is very similar to ours in terms of kids and finances, does not work and does little to none of the jobs listed. They eat almost every meal out and have services take care of everything from lawn to house to laundry. They are very social and belong to a lot of “do-good” social and charity-type organizations. Her free time during the day is spent at charity style shows and fund raising lunches or organizing the same. Many of their evenings are spent at ‘events’ or socializing. They seem very happy that way, too.

Both of us are busy but do very different things.

If we had a wife (or husband) swap, it would be disastrous.

If you are asking if it fair that the man work all day and do all the household chores at night and on weekends while the woman does ‘nothing’, then I would say “no” (unless, of course, both members of the the couple like it that way).

36

Thanks!

37

I think that whoever stays home (man or woman) is responsible for pretty much the same amount of work (on an hourly basis) as the person who’s at the office (or wherever). Household cleaning and other general chores, doing the shopping, maybe some maintenance-type work (within the person’s abilities), etc.

The extent to which certain chores might be shared by both partners would be a matter of negotiation. For example, even if i were the person working for money, i’d still want to participate in arranging vacations, and i like to cook so i’d do that some of the time as well. I think that as long as it’s negotiated in a reasonable manner, and that no-one has to do unreasonable things, the specifics shouldn’t be set in stone.

I will add one thing that, to me, is really important in this equation:

I agree that the person who is not working for money has a responsibility to do the bulk of the work around the house. By the same token, though, the money being earned by the person with a job does not belong to that person alone—it is the family’s money, and the stay-home person should not have to ask permission to buy something, or to spend money.

In the old fifties-style household, it was often the case that the husband gave the wife an allowance or “housekeeping money,” and that the rest of the income was his to control. In a proper partnership, where both people agree on a certain division of labor (one at a job, one at home), the money belongs to both people and decisions about how to spend it are not the province of the breadwinner alone.

38

I think there’s no reason at all why the halves of a couple would, or would not, choose an arrangement in which one was a home maker, other than their preferences and economic situation.

If one of them had an income large enough to keep them up in the style to which they were accustomed, there’s no reason at all why the other one should work (for pay) too, if the two of them like it like that. You don’t get extra brownie points for having more money than you need at the expense of free time.

And I think it’s an excellent point: if one person works at a job, and the other person spends that time keeping the house, and that’s all they need to get done what they have to do… they have all the rest of the time to enjoy themselves, which is lovely.

At any rate, I think the upkeep of the household (including the breadwinning) should be split according to 1) mutual consent, 2) suitability of the task to the person, 3) fairness.

39

I am a Canadian married to an American and a housewife right now because I can’t work here. We rent a house which includes landscaping. I cook dinner, we dont eat breakfast on weekdays, only on weekends which I make with my husband. Before I moved here my husband had a cleaning lady who came every two weeks and she does the bathrooms, vacuums, kitchen, tidys up the place and since I hate doing toilets, we still have a cleaning lady. I do laundry, sometimes take out the trash if my husband is coming home late. I do all the shopping including clothes, food, pretty much all shopping. I send out all the cards/gifts. And ususally I am the entertainment event coordinator for the both of us wrt what we do on our free time. I spend a lot of time volunteering on the island, so I am busy with that, other times I am at home or at the gym. I enjoy being a housewife for the time being. I was overworked so its nice not to have to work outside for a while, and taking care of our house is my job now.

40

I have always called myself a housewife because, even when our kids were small, my duties consisted of so much more than what is implied by “stay at home mom.” For the last 20 years, I’ve done everything included in the OP’s list except for mowing the lawn. You can add to that list all of the shopping and errand running, plus scheduling necessary appointments, and making sure those appointments are met. I also serve, to a limited extent, as a personal secretary – if my husband needs to have something for work typed, for instance; and I wrote his resume and keep it updated for him. I like to think (and my husband does think and has said so many times), that my job is running the ship that is our family. So many of the two-income families we know live somewhat chaotic lives – always rush-rush-rush, and their houses in a mess, and the meals never on time. That’s cool for them, if it doesn’t bother them (my sister lives like this and her family seems to thrive on it) – but we don’t like to live that way. Our house is always tidy, our laundry is always done, our meals are always on schedule, our bills are always up-to-date. We always have groceries in the cupboard, and gas in the cars. The exception is when I’m involved in some unusual job that akes me away from my normal duties – when we’re packing to move, or I’m painting or wallpapering, or when someone is sick or something. These things happen fairly rarely, but often enough for us to see what things would be like if I worked outside our home. When something needs doing, I’m almost always available to do it.

Sometimes I’m really busy – when the kids were little especially. My kids are less than a year apart in age and our youngest is disabled, so when they were little there was a LOT to do. Still, on average, I don’t put any more hours into the upkeep of our home than my husband does. Since we’ve been married, he has typically left for work at 6:30 or so and returned home at 6 or so at night. IMO, this is what should be counted to be ‘fair’ – not the income generated by each partner’s working, but the hours each partner contributes to the well-being of the household.

To be honest, with all I do, I think my husband puts in more hours lately than I do. We bought a house 3 years ago and he does most of the yardwork since our son left home. He also does all of the upkeep on the house itself. Home renovation jobs we share – we just retiled the countertops and kitchen floors last month, and we will be repainting the whole house in June.