Nobody’s allowed to wear their shoes in my house. They take them off at the door and I provide slippers.
That’s being a good host.
Host. Read it again if you don’t know what a host should be…Sheessss.
Asking guests to remove shoes is completely unnecessary, and a bit rude. And for folks like myself, it’s a pain in the foot.
It’s a silly, holier-than-thou type of request, and if you had any consideration for your guests, you would not require it.
FWIW, I wouldn’t necessarily mind taking off my shoes. I probably would do it-unless I had on some holy socks, or it was very cold out and I wasn’t wearing my super warm thick socks. But I would still be more “comfortable” leaving them on.
Maybe it’s just that we aren’t as worried about our carpets-with six cats and a dog and everything, the carpeting it pretty worn. But it’s CLEAN. There’s no dirt or piss or shit or saliva or gum. I don’t see how someone could walk through dog shit and gum without noticing-you’d smell it, or your shoes would be sticky when you tried to walk.
You’re so hard on yourself. 
As a host, I wouldn’t consider you a boor. I’d think, “She’s more comfortable with her shoes on, and I want her to be comfortable in my home.”
I am unaware of any “Miss Manners etiquette dictate” that says you’re a boor for taking me up on my offer to keep your shoes on.
I’m entirely serious when I say we need only one rule for situations like this: be considerate of the feelings of others. If people took that to heart, this kind of thing would not be an issue.
A big ‘hurrRRAAaa’ from me.
[qoute=RickJay]Just because people do it one way where you live does not make the rest of the world rude. Your neck of the woods does not have a monopoly on the proper manner in which a household should be run.
[/quote]
Right back at cha Rick.
Works both ways.
I, however allow my guests to be comfortable and don’t make unreasonable requests. Like I said before. I live in a house. It is made to be walked in. Even in shoes.
My house is not a museum piece, I expect that things will wear a bit. As a good host I will NOT ask to have shoes taken off. My guests are much more important to me than this silly assumption that my guests shoes would ruin the carpet.
My guests comfort is paramount to me. Much more important than this stupid idea that their shoes in the house are going to ruin my carpet.
I’ll never forget…a girlfriend of my brothers. She asked me to carry her to her car because the snow might get her boots wet.
Like her, I think some of you folks need a camping trip in a cow pasture. You may learn something.
But see, I’m LESS comfortable removing my shoes in your house. You’re making me UNcomfortable. And in your own case, it’s not an invitation at all, it is a requirement, a demand, even (dare I say it) a fiat. Your words were “Our home is strictly shoeless” – I don’t understand why you object to my characterization of that as a fiat. Have I misunderstood you? If you invite me to remove my shoes, do I have the option of declining without offending you?
I would feel much more honored by being offered a choice, instead of being told what to do. I’ll comply with your house rules if you ever have me over, but I don’t believe that you’ve honored me at all by imposing them.
This is right. But I’m assuming or guessing another element as well – that the shoe-wearers are a bit more formal in general, and don’t like to sit on the floor because it’s sort of undignified. Just my opinion. But the fact that I’d almost never sit on my floor means that the floor’s cleanliness is that much less important – I’m farther away from it most of the time.
This is obviously untrue. You are inviting them to make you comfortable.
Which is usually fine (it’s your house), but when they didn’t know ahead of time and you put them on the spot it is rude.
Speaking of which, you said that your family brings an extra pair of house shoes everywhere you go. I’m still wondering why you would do so, when you believe everyone is always more comfortable shoeless? 
Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t wear shoes indoors for the same reason I don’t wear a jacket and gloves or carry an umbrella indoors - there’s no need. Shoes are to protect my feet from injury from the ground or anything else, to provide necessary support during physical activity, to protect from the cold, and to keep my feet clean and dry. Once indoors, where it is warm, I have a soft, clean carpet to walk on, and I’m not doing anything that requires the support of boots or shoes, why would I keep them on? That makes as much sense to me as continuing to wear my Gore-Tex jacket as I sit down in front of the TV in my living room.
Those of you belabouring the point that you can’t be comfortable shoeless in the house are missing a crucial point here - if you lived in Canada, and were as used to our customs as we are, you would long ago have made accommodations to the usual custom here - that is, you would have your orthopedic or usual outside shoes, and a separate, non-slushy and muddy pair of indoor shoes, that you would bring with you when going visiting, or a pair of rubbers to put over your shoes that you take off at the door.
As a visiting American, you might find the Canadian custom rude or unpleasant, because you’re not used to it, and you haven’t found ways to deal with it like people that have lived with it all of our lives. Believe me when I say it truly is not an issue here.
masonite I think perhaps you are misunderstanding me, but I’m not sure what more I can say to clear up your misconception. I say my home is strictly shoeless when responding to an IMHO thread on a message board. It’s a bit of a stretch to assume this is my standard greeting when answering the door. As I’ve said (repeatedly) my standard greeting goes more along the lines of “Come on in and make yourself comfortable in some of these house shoes.” I’ve also stated (repeatedly) that my reaction to the few guests who have declined my offer is: Nothing.
As to whether or not I would be offended if you declined my invitation to remove your shoes at the door, well I guess that largely depends your method of declination. After reading this thread, I fear there are people who would tell me to shove my pristine wooly house shoes up my prissy little ass and this would be likely offend. On the other hand, I would be perplexed if you burst into tears of humiliation and offense over some plantars warts or fallen arches which are too embarrassing to discuss. If, however, you were to let the invitation pass without comment I would assume you either didn’t hear me and weren’t able to decode the message of the shoe line with slippers or that you have reasons for not removing your shoes; reasons which carry more weight than your hostess’s wishes and customs. Either way, you can rest easy in the knowledge that you wouldn’t be hounded, wrestled, or in any other way made to feel socially unfit. You’d simply be the only one in the house wearing shoes
Someone brought up the example of non-smoking homes, and I have to add that I’m old enough to remember the time when a hostess making this request was considered very rude. I recall people using china plates to stump out forbidden butts because they couldn’t get their uptight hostess to give them an ashtray. Lines like “get over it, it’s only carpeting” and other implications that shoeless homes are run by inhospitible neatfreaks living beyond their functional means have a very familiar ring since I can remember people insisting that a little smoke never hurt anyone and precious ceilings need to be repainted regularly anyway. While not offended nor enraged by the smoking ban, I admit to finding it odd. Now that it’s more normal for people to restrict smoking to outdoors or ventilated areas of the home, we can all agree that smoke and tar stain interior spaces, fabrics and upholstry never really recover from a smoke-filled event, and burns on the floors and furniture are a real drag. Health issues aside.
Speaking of health issues, a word to those who characterize the shoeless crowd as paranoid, I know this isn’t GD, but I want to point out the validity of my concerns. This isn’t about a few flakes of snow and some stray dirt. Pesticides brought into the home on your shoes are a concern for those who are trying to minimize exposure, especially exposure to children.
When was the last time you treated your lawn?
Do you know when was the last time your neighbor treated his lawn?
We operate organic and have no close neighbors so I don’t worry about pesticides on our property, but we like to stroll in the city green, and I’m afraid the grass there looks a little too nice to be organic. In fact, most suburban lawns have some toxic treatment applied more than once a year, and a good quantity of those toxins flow onto the sidewalk and into the gutter after the first rainfall. Are you quite certain you don’t have residue on your shoes? Well I’m sure my soles would test positive for pesticides, herbicides, insecticides and probably even rodent poison and I wouldn’t classify myself as ‘at risk’ of encountering these materials regularly since I spend the bulk of my time in an organic environment. I’m not sure why the absence of visible goo makes some people think the bottoms of their shoes are clean enough to touch a child’s hands.
Where ever did you get that idea?
You may find it rude. I have yet to run into anyone who openly objected or expressed offense. As I said earlier, maybe they all keep coming back out of fear.
Your confusion may be due to the spectre of your words coming out of my mouth. I never said such a thing.
We bring the house shoes because we are more comfortable leaving our street shoes at the door, and because not every interior environment is sock appropriate.
So if I’m more comfortable wearing my shoes than your slippers, then what?
I grew up/live in Michigan and have been asked to remove my shoes maybe three times in my life. Not once have I been offered slippers or clogs to change into, although it seems a nice thing to do.
My guests are free to make themselves comfortable, and the sight of their unshod feet certainly won’t disturb me, but I’d never ask them to remove their shoes in a million years. Implicit in my invitation that they make themselves comfortable is the permission to take their shoes off if that’s what makes them comfortable.
i’m going to assume that yours is a special case. so just tell your host that your feet hurts without shoes, no problem. your hosts will be more concerned about your comfort than not. not telling her however, might raise a few eyebrows. in a setting where something is the norm, the odd-one-outs will always raise some questions. no biggie.
i think everyone should take a step back and remember that this is a small matter where people are genuinely unable to see the other side’s rational for the moment, and no one is forcing their customs and habit unto another to the point of physical and emotional pain. i, for one, am still unable to fully appreciate how having shoes on all the time can be comfortable; and am learning as i go. (medical problems and disabilty not withstanding). or what Fuji Kitakyusho said.
On the matter of Alien Dirt from Outer Space.
do bear with me as i try to come up with a bad example for the ‘shoes on’ folks on my perspective… for this hypothetical, let’s assume that it is the norm everywhere to have pillow fights with your guests. that means on your beds together with the jumping up and down and everything. however, you normally take off your shoes before the pillow fights, i don’t.
[ul]
[li] do you still think it is rude for you to expect me to remove my shoes before the fluff starts?[/li][li] does it make a difference if the shoes have the strawman’s poo on it; or just sand, dust and dirt? [/li][li] wouldn’t it be nice to be informed of my difficulty without boots, where it would be a simple matter of carrying on and changing bedsheets after; as opposed to me keeping quiet and you wondering why i am participating in the ritual with shoes on?[/li][/ul]
i’ll just point out that people usually posts problems or rants on message boards. the rest of the people who have no problems with this will naturally not be bringing this up.
If you were inviting your guests to make themselves comfortable, then you would invite them to make themselves comfortable. Not invite them to make you comfortable by removing their shoes.
Compare “make yourself comfortable” with “please remove your shoes.”
That’s my point: The problem occurs when people who would be more comfortable in shoes don’t have an extra pair of house shoes. You solved this problem for yourself by getting house shoes. The very fact that you bring house shoes everywhere shows that you understand this, despite acting as though it is never a problem.
But most people don’t have house shoes. They have not solved the problem. When you put them on the spot, they, unlike you, don’t have a solution. If they knew your rules already then that is one thing, but if not I think it is rude to put them in a potentially uncomfortable/embarassing situation.
Exactly. I’m just not buying the shoes-off position that they have to explicitly request that their guests remove their shoes “for their comfort.”
In fact, I doubt that those who truly live in a shoes-off culture really do explicitly request it. My guess is that it is people who don’t live in a shoes-off culture, and who have guests who are unaware of the shoes-off nature of the house they are arriving at, who make the explicit request.
To be quite honest, now that I think about it, I can’t actually recall an adult ever being asked. It’s simply polite behaviour here.
Little kids have to be reminded, but that’s different.
nightime please compare my brand of hospitality with that of a hostess who asks her guests to refrain from smoking indoors. If you want your argument to carry a little more weight, you can even make this comparison 20 years ago before inside smoking bans were normative. Simply reread your post replacing the phrase “remove their shoes” with “refrain from smoking indoors”.
You are making a serious social error if you think gracious=doormat and that any host making polite and reasonable requests of their guests are automatically inhospitible and rude. Your stance on this makes you seem a little like an impertinent teenager who doesn’t want to take his ipod off at the dinner table. Anyone making such a reasonable request doesn’t have your comfort in its rightfully prioritized state: First, above the comfort of all.
If that’s really your take on social give-and-take, I’m afraid you’re in for a bumpy ride.
Since that’s not a problem in my house, I’m not sure why this is where the problem occurs. I also carry water and fruit where ever I go in case the boys get thirsty or hungry along the way. I’m not sure how my boyscout-like preparedness is where the problem occurs for people who didn’t bring a banana.
OK, THAT phrase is just priceless (and I mean that in a good way.)
The tone of this thread is far more hostile than I would have expected - on both sides - but I think it’s safe to say that for most of us, the shoes-off or shoes-on argument is an academic one. Aside from a few people who have a physical reason why their shoes should not be removed, it seems like most of us would just deal with our hosts’/guests’ choices and get along. Noses may wrinkle, but it’s pretty unlikely that any of us, as a guest in Farmwoman’s home for example, would be wrestled to the ground and have our shoes forcibly removed. Likewise, if any of you were guests in my home and you did remove your shoes, I would not insist that you put them back on.
I still think offering slippers is weird, and I still think it’s weird to put “No Shoes” on an invitation.
The discussion went pretty much like this last time we went around on this, too. People can, apparently, get pretty upset over taking their shoes off. Who knew? And Canadians have a reputation for being so nice, too, then BAM! expect you to take your shoes off when you least expect it.