But why should she have to drag her medical problems out for the examination of others? Having to choose between being in pain or having to air your dirty laundry in front of all and sundry who happen to be present is an awkward, shitty situation. A fairly minor shitty situation, granted, but still a shitty situation that is directly and pretty much completely caused by the host/ess’s actions. Directly and pretty much completely causing a shitty situation for your guests is pretty much the polar opposite of being a good and gracious host/ess. It’s completely antithetical to all the principles of politeness.
I own a house with beige carpeting. I would never demand that anyone ever take their shoes off when they come into my house. I hate being told to take off my shoes and would never do it to anyone else. I can’t explain why, other than that it’s an uncomfortable hassle and just seems pretentious.
I’ve read every post in this thread. Yes, I have, I swear it.
I live in a “keep your shoes on” area. While most of the “no shoes” crowd here is saying it is a comfort issue (with a few chiming in on the salt/slush refrain), the only two times I have been asked to take off my shoes it was explicitly stated that it was to save the carpeting. One hostess actually said “We don’t allow anyone to wear shoes in the house because we have new, lovely white carpeting, so you will either have to take your shoes off or stay in the kitchen.” I felt like something the cat dragged in after that, I assure you. The other person said something similar, it was made very clear that they had spent Big Bucks on their carpet and I’s better not dirty it up…
So for me, asking if I’d like to kick off my shoes for comfort is one thing but being told I can’t be trusted with the carpet is quite another.
I bought beige carpeting, too. It just fit the room’s color scheme.
That makes a lot more sense.
It also makes me think part of the problem is adults not wanting to be treated like little kids. I feel like my advanced age should give me protection from surprise requests to take my shoes off.
Also, explicitly asking an adult to remove his or her shoes, when he or she can clearly see (from the shoe rack and the host’s own feet) what the norm is for that house, treats the adult like a child. If an adult has no reason to keep their shoes on, then you won’t have to ask. Asking anyway shows that you don’t care about their comfort.
Well, well…
Alright, I’m one of the “weirdoes” that wears shoes all the time. Even though I live in a tropical Caribbean isle. But, guess what? This is a “shoes on” culture unless you’re (a) at the beach house or (b) in a very intimate setting (e.g. handful of best friends just lounging around the living-room floor watching a DVD over wine and Chinese carry-out). When you have company over in a more structured setting, it’s shoes on, and if you have light beige carpet that’s just too bad for you.
In a way it’s psychological, many of us are not that many generations removed from NOT having shoes, period. Of course, there would be a difference if, for instance, we had the kinds of weather conditions that meant we’d be in boots covered in salty mudslush when outside the house. THAT we could understand, but it would just mean we’d pause to switch into indoor shoes. For instance, it’s 10 pm, I’m sitting in my home office, and I’m wearing some extremely comfortable soft-leather mocassins, no socks. Mmm, comfy. But normally I’m wearing a pair of Florsheim slip-ons that a quick wipe renders acceptably clean to step indoors, and in any case my mama taught me to not put my feet up on the furniture to begin with. Besides, I like my feet encased in something more substantial than a pair of socks if I’m gona be moving around. You never know when someone may drop a wineglass or when you may absentmindedly ram your foot toe-first into a hidden table-leg.
Now, if visiting for instance my pal Jim and his missus, I’ll have the shoes off w/o any hesitation. That’s just polite, for cultural reasons. But otherwise, my life experience here and in the USA is one of shoes on, and no problem with that at all.
Let me say that in my 38 years of living in a shoes-off area, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anyone asked to remove their shoes (except in real estate open houses). This is the point I’m trying to get across here - when you are raised from birth in a culture of shoes-off inside, everyone else is too, and they don’t need to be asked - it’s done automatically. I’ve heard people telling people it’s okay to leave your shoes on, but never asked to remove.
Yes, we understand what you’re trying to say–the issue just never comes up for you, so nobody ever asks anyone else to take off their shoes. That’s all well and good, but it would seem to make your particular mores sort of irrelevant to a discussion about being asked to take off your shoes. Most of the posts about the Canadian shoes-off more seem to pretty much say, “Well, it works well for us because we expect it and are prepared for it, so what’s the big hairy deal?” Those of us who live in areas where it’s not the prevailing social more don’t expect it and aren’t prepared for it, so it’s a much bigger deal. It’s like the major expense you had time to budget and save for versus the one you got hit with out of the blue.
Out of curiosity, if you were to move to an area where there wasn’t salt and slush and mud to track in nine months of the year, would you still expect people to take their shoes off when entering your home? I mean, down here it snows three, four times a winter, and it’s generally melted off in a day or two. We’ve got sidewalks to keep you out of the mud when it melts or rains. People leave their houses, go down paved walks to their cars, drive, and then come up the paved walk into your house. There’s really no muck to track in, unless you’re really working at it. Guests would not automatically remove their shoes when coming into your house. So would you ask them to please take off their shoes?
Good point.
Good question - I would still take off my shoes because of the lifetime habit, but I don’t think I would ask my guests to - I would in part expect them to follow my lead as the homeowner, however, like I would do in other people’s houses.
i’ve read through this entire thread, without having much vested interest in either side. (i’m generally a no-shoes person in the summer, but i like my tootsies warm in winter, thank you. no one’s ever been asked to take shoes off, even though most of our carpets are off-white, although i’ve tried to get my husband to not wear his barn shoes through the house, and take off shoes AND socks after he’s just finished cutting the grass.)
but for all the “oh icky how can you drag all that dirt in on your SHOES!!!” people, the ones who prowl in socks or slippers through their homes and sit or lay on their carpets, secure in said carpeting’s pristine condition… i have a question. do you, by any chance, have a special “bathroom wear only” set of slippers, or remove said socks before using the facilities? if not, then i’d tend to think that your hypervigilance at rebuffing vile contact with unwanted contaminants has been rendered somewhat moot. as the Master speaks, keeping the truly groady elements outside isn’t as easy as you might think.
so unless you’re changing footwear every time you enter and leave the bathroom, your floors and coverings ain’t nearly as pristine as you may think they are.
might help put some of all this inside/outside stuff in perspective, is all i’m sayin’.
Atlantic Canada, here.
It is assumed you will remove your shoes here. I always remove my shoes unless the host specifically tells me not to.
And what’s with everyone being embarrassed by the condition of their socks? Why on earth are you wearing ratty clothing?
Personally, I don’t care about “dirt”. It’s not about having to vacuum. It’s about toxic pesticides you are tracking onto my carpet. If your shoes have been worn outside, they have chemicals on them. Period.
That said, I don’t tell anyone to take off their shoes. If they see that neither I, my family or other guests are wearing shoes and they also see that there is a designated place for shoes but choose not to remove theirs, fine. I will not say I word.
Germs are everywhere. I’m not germophobic.
I’m just trying to keep the snow, salt, and sand from being tracked onto my light beige carpet. Dirt shows. Dirt stains. Dirt on my carpet causes me to lose my security deposit.
While I appreciate that you are trying to mitigate dangerous chemicals out of your house, I really, really doubt that a pair of shoes would track in that many pesticides.
I don’t have any kids, so I guess that may a bit of a different situation. If I did have kids playing in the yard, I don’t think I’d be spraying too many pesticides.
In any case, it’ not an issue where I live, I don’t have a yard, just 2 acres in the mountains. I don’t use any pesticides. The packed snow that I walk on may have some salt that has dripped off the car. A minuscule amount may be dragged in to my house on our boots every year, but it’s nothing like the exposure driving through a mist of the stuff on the highway that we drive down every day.
Do your guests walk though your yard when they come to your house? Or do they use a walkway? I could see that kids and pets could bring in fertilizer and pesticides, but I doubt that guests would be doing that.
There may be something else I’m not seeing here. Colorado has a $1000 dollar fine for littering. Our streets and sidewalks are really pretty damn clean. In the town I live near, and drive through every day, I think nothing of sitting down on the sidewalk, put my feet in the street and watch a parade.
Similarly, sit down in my gravel drive, or wood deck, and come inside with out having to change. Sit down in the woods, all I would do is knock off the pine needles and come inside.
Yeah, I suspect it might:
http://www.healthychild.com/database/special_problems_of_pesticide_exposure_for_children.htm
Life on Wry Thanks for that. I suspect you’re right on all counts and I have certainly utilized more thought and energy participating in this thread than I ever devoted to keeping my home shoeless over the past 15-20 years. It’s just not that difficult.
It’s easy to bristle, however when after all this discussion one can still read things like this:
Now this is just deliberate hyperbole, and if you read the entire thread as you say you have, you’d know it. No one is looking for pristine, here, just an acceptable level of day-to-day cleaniness which includes a distinction between things that belong outside and things that belong inside and which may differ from your own acceptable levels.
Your bathroom question implies a level of cleaniness that is not indicated in any of the no-shoes’ posts anywhere on this thread, and your language is peppered with words intended to mock. I’m not sure how it’s supposed to provide any perspective.
Buy new sox
Wouldn’t the floors be reasonably clean if the toilet lid was down, preventing the aerosol effect? The answer is academic for me, since I don’t prefer shoes-off for the germ factor, but it just popped into my head. Has a study been done comparing lid-up and lid-down bathroom floors?
When I build my house, it will have a foyer area, with seats, cupboards for shoes to be stored, and a change in flooring to mark the boundary between the foyer and the rest of the house. It will be blatantly obvious that in my house, outdoor shoes don’t go past the foyer area. There are very few people who will be invited to my home, so only my closest friends and family will ever be faced with this anyway. If you walk past this area, keeping your shoes on, I will give every impression that I didn’t even notice. I want my house to be a shoe-free house, but am aware that it isn’t the norm where I live, so I will not say one word to my guests. Return guests will be aware of the non-issue and can make their own choices re: socks, comfort levels, bringing slippers, etc, based on the obvious norms in my house, my lack of concern if they remain shoed and their preferences.
i had a reply all typed out, but then realised that i’m only repeating what others and myself have already said thus far in the thread, so strike that.
i’ll take your word for it that it is a general no-no to expect a guest to part with his shoes in a ‘shoes on’ area, unless the host can call forth the opinions of his ancestors as an excuse. likewise, you (Not CrazyCatLady) can believe me when i say it is not even thought about at all in ‘shoes off’ areas, no need for demands, reasons, germs, exquisite carpets, pretensions nor alien infestations. it is just the way it is. i hope we can agree that in either areas, a host can be the epitome of politeness whether he hosts a ‘shoes on’ or ‘shoes off’ home.
even if it is just sterile fine white sand they’re tracking in, i would expect (not ask) them to take off their shoes.
a loaded question for the ‘shoes on’ folks: why do you take off your shoes when you go to bed?
in reading this thread i’ll like to draw the following conclusion.
there is no issue if you live in an area that shares your view of the matter. the problem only arises if a ‘shoes off’ family move to a ‘shoes on’ neighbourhood (and not vice versa). the only option left to the family not wishing to cause undue distress to visitors would be to state so on the invitation card, as the hosts in the OP did.
all that, and i still don’t fully appreciate how it can be more comfortable in shoes than without.
thus far in this thread:
Shoes off
Tokyo, Singapore, Hawaii, Europe, India, Michigan, Korea, Western NY, Minnesota, Dislocated, new england, Western Canada, Vietnam, Eastern Canada, Atlantic Canada,
Shoes on
Dallas/Fort Worth, West Virginia, normal US family, America, tropical Caribbean isle,
'Cause floors are made to be walked on and beds aren’t.
There’s a different standard of cleanliness between sheets and carpets (shouldn’t have to explain that).
I don’t need the support/comfort for walking when I’m in bed. And, I assume I’ll be staying there for 7-8 hours.
I’ll be taking a shower in the morning and I don’t wear my shoes in the shower (hope I don’t have to explain that either).
then you can understand that there is a different standard of cleanliness between ‘shoes on’ and ‘shoes off’ floors. there is no reason why floors must necessary be dirty, especially since it doesn’t take much effort to keep it relatively clean.
Sure. But in my book, it’s not comparable to sheets. Apples and oranges.
I agree. But disagree that my shoes necessarily make your floors dirty.
In my opinion, taking your shoes off whenever you come in or out, having special slippers etc. Is more effort than it’s worth. Doesn’t make that much of a difference. For your day to day living, whatever floats your boat.
But… asking guests to take off their shoes? Guests that may have good reason to want to leave their shoes on, but may not want to be the exception to the rule? Nah. I wouldn’t, even if I had a shoeless house.
I know, I know. You never force any guest to take off their shoes.
Personnally, I’m physically uncomfortable without shoes. Nothing to be ashamed of, but I would rather not to draw attention to it by not complying with the hosts rules. I came to visit and have fun, not talk about a foot problem.
Fact is, many of the other guests, regardless of if they agree with me, would think I am insensitive to the hosts wishes if I left my shoes on. Most of the folks would not know that I have good reason to wear my shoes.
So, I’ll take them off. I’ll be uncomfortable.
Wouldn’t bug me as much if I really thought there was a good reason to do so. I’ve lived in shoes-on houses all my life, Chicago-suburb, Illinois-country, Denver-suburb, Denver-city, Denver-suburb, Colorado-Mountains. We’ve never had any problems keeping the house clean, and the carpet in good shape.