In my own house, I rarely wear shoes. It’s the comfort thing. When I have people over, I do wear shoes. I feel a bit under dressed without them on. It’s not a big deal with really close friends or family, but I feel too casual walking around even an informal dinner party in my stocking feet.
When I visit people’s houses, I do what they prefer. I still feel underdressed without shoes, but I deal with it. It only really bothers me when I wear panty hose. I don’t want to get runs in them, and it means someone will see my hideous feet! I also hate wearing socks on hard wood or linoleum floors. I can just imagine myself sliding around and turning the get together into an exercise in physical comedy.
I never ask my guests to remove shoes. Heck my dogs track in more mud every day than my guests could. It’s not like I have people over so frequently that they’d create major traffic patterns in my carpeting.
Indeed. In fact, a lot of that Miss Manners stuff goes both ways. A guest isn’t God, IMHO. There is also the fact that the host is the one offering the hospitality, and opening up his or her home, so I view taking off my shoes as a sign of respect - much like taking off a hat. Would Miss Manners like me eating at my host’s table wearing a fedora?
I’ve lost a couple pairs of pantyhose to the grout between the tiles in my parents’ kitchen. They catch and run, and it doesn’t take very much to make it happen…
So it is a risk, if your outfit requires pantyhose and your host requires you not to wear shoes.
My feet tend to sweat a lot, so even if I DO bathe, they still might smell a little. (Not enough to stink up a room, though).
Honestly, how many people walk through mud, dogshit, gum and other crap on a regular basis? Where the hell do you people live that you don’t have a walkway?
Yes, perhaps, but not if it’s not made screamingly obvious by the host or someone else there. And that’s one of the problems with shoeless houses, there’s such a big to do out of the process of every guest trying to take off their shoes in the foyer that anyone who prefers not to do so for whatever reason is going to stand out.
If there’s been a time-specific invitation, you might have a point. (Though some people just have more odorous feet than others even shortly after bathing, as a part of their body chemistry.) But what about someone who’s been out running around all day in tennis shoes who stops by a friend’s house in the course of their day only to be confronted with the “request” to take their shoes off?
And that’s useful how, if you walk into a spill in your stocking feet?
And that doesn’t mean that they never drip water near their bowls or leave little wet spots when they come in from outside with wet paws.
Sure, ever worn 'em? A berber carpet or tile or hardwood floor can destroy pantyhose fairly easily.
That doesn’t help when someone’s wearing old socks when they show up at a home that they didn’t know was shoeless.
My husband is disabled. He wheels through the same dirt, cat’s piss, pesticides and gum that I walk through. I’m relieved none of our friends have a ‘no shoes’ rule or he’d never be welcome anywhere.
I’m still going to call this a trend, because I don’t think the shoeless-standard phenomenon become common prior to, oh, the 1960s or so. Do you see suburban June Cleaver housewives removing their shoes in each other’s houses? That era was obsessed with household cleanliness – but June even vacuumed in pearls. Past societies had a lot more formalized decorum and wearing shoes all the time, in public, was just the norm. I’m guessing the shift started in the 60s with barefoot granola hippies, then a lot of people realized how much sense the shoeless-indoors habit really makes, and it caught on.
For it does make sense. Some cultures have been doing it for thousands of years with good reason. But while the concept is catching in the West, the transition hasn’t been fully made, and the new paradigm directly conflicts with a very strong Western cultural value, that of being completely dressed with nearly all parts covered, when in public company. This old-fashioned value understandably annoys younger folk, for we track more dirt all over their houses, but shoe-wearers feel just as strongly about not baring our feet in public (other than at a setting such as the beach) as shoeless folk seem to feel about their floors.
The distinction has been made between a polite request to remove shoes, versus a demand. Well, when the invitation states “We do not wear shoes in our house,” what it really is is a polite demand. Either you plead special circumstances, like your prosthesis or whatever, or you decline the invitation, or you go and buckle under, probably throwing your back out because you’re standing flatfooted for hours on hardwood floors. You’re not acceding to a polite request – you’ve been socially coerced to your own discomfort.
This charming Vietnamese custom of telling you not to worry about your shoes, even though they take off their own, stands in contrast with the American version of declaring a fiat.
How interesting. Our culture holds vacuuming in pearls and pumps as the housekeeping ideal, so we shouldn’t be surprised to find so many Americans are uptight about socializing in their stocking feet.
As Miss Manners has so snidely pointed out, I’m not Asian. Nor is my home a haven of shoelessness out of a desire to be Asian. I will admit to knowing little of Vietnamese culture, but I’d hazard to guess that there would be more to contrasting than to compare between our cultures, shoeless homes notwithstanding. I’m not sure what it is about Vietnamese custom that you find charming: That guests are more honored than family members (this is contrary to my custom in which the house is designed to please the family first, and guests are welcome to join us) or that hosts are coy and less than truthful with their visitors, telling them to leave their shoes on when, clearly, the house is a no shoe zone (again, this contrasts with my American candor and Yankee sensibilities. Say what you mean and mean what you say.) I guess I’m missing why the Vietnamese customs are so charming while mine are empty or baseless or rude.
It’s also a trend in America to have different shoes for different activities like driving, walking, running and so on. Why is it so difficult to make the leap to special shoes for the house? Farmman works out of a home office and found that he works better in shoes. So each morning before walking down the hall to his office he puts on his work shoes. They never touch the outside ground.
We don’t go anywhere without house shoes for the family. Ours are woolen soles, but ballet slippers would work nicely. Just fold them into your coat pocket. This time of year, the boys don’t go outside without winter boots on. When we get to any destination at which they will be spending time on the floor, we pull out the inside shoes and swap at the door.
Obviously, we’re not wearing houseshoes in the grocery store, but we are at the library. Our small town library is in a converted mansion home with lovely carpets and gleaming floors and we swap shoes in the foyer. When we go for story hour, a dozen pair of toddler boots can make the ‘circle carpet’ into a bath mat, so parents are encouraged to bring library shoes which are kept in a cabinet near the door.
Wow. I encountered the “no shoes” thing when I was in Canada for the first time. Granted, everyone’s shoes were covered in snow and wet mud and stuff, so it made sense. It never even occurred to me to be bothered by it. Everyone else was sitting around in their socks/stockings, so what’s the big deal for me to do it? I came in, and if there was a big pile of shoes by the door, I’d take mine off too. Eventually it just became a habit, even when it wasn’t snowy/muddy outside. I don’t have a “no shoes” rule at my apartment, though if someone’s shoes looked muddy, gross, or like something that would require out-of-the-ordinary cleaning up after, I would probably ask them to take them off before coming inside. I certainly wouldn’t want to track a huge mess into someone else’s house.
Putting it on an invitation does seem a bit rude, though. If they want a no-shoes rule, they should just politely ask when a guest enters their home, or maybe just hint at it (big pile of shoes by the door, no one else wearing shoes) and not make a fuss or big deal if the guest refuses. Either their shoes will be relatively clean and it won’t be a major issue, or if their friend is some shoe-wearing jerk who is Hell-bent on tracking in copious amounts of mud, maybe they should stop inviting that person over. If someone gave me a “no shoes” invitation, I don’t think I’d decline based on that alone, but I would probably tell them that while I don’t mind removing my shoes in their home, I think it’s rather inappropriate to demand it on an invitation.
I do like the idea of having comfy houseshoes handy for guests who want them. I may do that one day.
I am. I specifically said so in this thread. I wear shoes all day, every day. They support my feet. I am extremely uncomfortable in stocking feet and am even less comfortable barefoot. Were I invited to a gathering and discovered once there that I am to remove my shoes I would leave. Being at a party is no reason for me to have the type of pain I get when I don’t have arch support.
…We do? I don’t want to hijack this thread, but I think that particular ideal went out decades ago, if it ever really existed. I think the current housekeeping ideal is that the housekeeping actually get done between all the other things people rush around to do.
In fact, now that I think about it–even if you wear shoes in the house, the idea of vacuuming in them seems kind of self-defeating. Stuff is on the carpet, stuff gets on your shoes (even if they were brand new), you track the stuff onto the carpet you’ve already vacuumed…
Damn, been a long time since I lost a post. Hamsters got that one though.
Here we go again. Abbreviated.
My thoughts exactly. My shoes just don’t get that dirty.
Our indoor/outdoor dog sleeps on the couch and the bed. Not much difference there. Except I consider that furniture isn’t designed for a size 13 foot, 210lb person to walk on it. Carpet/floors are.
I’m wearing slippers now. As soon as I take a shower and start my day I will wear boots for the rest of the day. Unless I am completely done with the day, I’m more comfortable wearing shoes/boots. Same with sweat pants type clothes. I just don’t like them. Makes me feel un-ready somehow. I’m most comfortable in jeans.
Also, I have weak ankles, and plantar fasciitis (torn tendons) in my right foot. Shoes are a good thing for me. But I have always preferred to be in shoes, than out of them during the day.
Ever stubbed your toe on the leg of a 500 lb. cast iron stove? I actually heard the stove ‘ring’ when I did that.
I don’t think it ever really existed either. Most of the suburban housewives I encountered in real life growing up wore housedresses and house shoes or slippers as they went about their daily business. My statement was in response to masonite’s post #110.
enipla I’m anything but a germophobe. I really think you’re being cavalier about the amount of filth found on the bottom of the average street shoe. My apartment in NYC was also shoeless. I couldn’t get over the number of people who could feel comfortable sitting on the floor at a party while people were walking around them wearing the same shoes they had on in the subway station a few moments ago. Would they feel as comfortable sitting on the floor of the subway station itself? How about sitting on the floor of a public restroom? The gutter outside my apartment building? In my mind, they may as well be.
