What do you want to know, that will never be known?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Rilchiam slides the CD-ROM into the drive and straightens up, ready to start the installation. Her heart clenches as the screen goes black: has the monitor burned out? A brilliant white light causes her to dive to the floor, hands over her eyes: when she dares to look around, the light is hovering above her. In mellifluous tones, it begins to speak. If a light can speak.

“Rilchiam, greetings. I am the search engine of the future. You have been chosen to beta-test me.”

“Uh…okay. Well, first, I’d like to find a lyrics archive, since the one I was using was closed or something…”

“Ah, let me explain, Rilchiam. I am no ordinary search engine. I can retrieve information not only from the Internet; I can go directly to the source and find out what’s never been made public. If someone asks about the existence of Atlantis, or the disappearance of the Roanoke company, or what really happened at Roswell, I will be able to answer with complete accuracy.”

"Oh, I get it. O-kay.

"I would like to see the dailies of Eric Stoltz in Back to the Future: the ones which caused the producers to declare “Not funny enough” and set about luring Michael Fox away from “Family Ties”.

"I would like a transcript of what O.J. said to Rosey Grier. As I’m sure you know, Simpson was allowed to talk with Grier with no guards present and no security video running. At one point, Simpson raised his voice: people nearby claimed they’d heard him say something damning. But that could be a matter of their hearing what they wanted to hear.

“I would also like a transcript, including movements and facial expressions, of Richard Nixon’s meeting with Henry Kissinger in the Oval Office, the last night Nixon was in office. Some say Nixon cried, some say he asked Kissinger to pray with him, some say he did both, and some say neither. But I don’t see how anyone can know anything. That was the one night the tape recorders weren’t on, ha ha, and these stories were told by other people. So if the information didn’t come from Nixon or Kissinger, it’s not valid. For all anyone knows, they’d gotten David Eisenhower to score some weed for them so they could roll a fatty. And Nixon said ‘Isn’t it odd…they got me cornered, and yet…there are no corners in an oval office?’”

“I thank you for your time, Rilchiam. I will have your information momentarily. Do you perhaps know other people who would like to participate in the testing?”

2

Can I see Rilchiam naked?

Seriously I would want to not only be able to see what went on in the school book depository that day but to stay with JFK through the autopsy.

(I can’t wait till this thread appears right above the ‘What does sex feel like’ thread)

3

"What is the exact momentum and position of the electrons on that atom over there?

"And what does it feel like when the Red Sox win a championship?

“And could you pull up a picture of Cecil Adams, please.”

4

Not near as strange as when the Cubs do.

5

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

6

“So, what’s with the universe?”

7

I’d like to know a universal theory of mechanical failure. Also, is there extraterrestrial life, and if so, do they have ray guns?

8

I’d like to know why we have the technology to send a man to the moon and can’t seem to make a red dye that doesn’t bleed onto my whites in the washer.

9

Identity of Jack the Ripper, please. And which one of my weasely co-workers dinged my car, the week I bought it, no less.

10

Where did all the other socks go, and why was it only one out of each pair?

11

There are 3 words than end in -gry… :smiley:

12

Did Neanderthals have language?
Was human speech “invented” only once, or many times? How many of those original languages, if there were more than one, have living descendants today?

Yes, I’m a geek, but that’s what I thought of when I saw the title…

13

Why me?

Complete record of the life, death and alleged resurrection of Jesus. Just to satisfy my curiosity.

14

Does God have a sense of humor?

If he doesn’t, I think I’m screwed

15

The rooster came first…

d&r

16

What’s the deal with all this “dark matter” and “dark energy”? How can it make up 95% of the universe and we don’t know squat.

BTW: A series of more and more chicken-like dinosaurs laid eggs, that eventually crossed the line and was a dinosaur-like chicken. So the egg came first.

17

Before making Alien, Scott & O’Bannon went just about completely broke filming their own version of Dune. They got about half finished. l’d like to see what they shot, but I don’t think we ever will.

I’d like to know what Viking music sounded like.

18

What animals are missing from the fossil record and what did they really look like?

What caused the death of nearly everything on earth at the end of the Permian?

What are other civilizations like around the universe? How many are there?

How long until humanity is extinct? Maybe I’m better off not knowing that, though.

19

There are two songs by Sibelius which were lost during the First World War (basically, he sent the only copies, by mail, through the Western Front. Or tried to.) Since my collection of opus-numbered works by Sibelius will remain incomplete without them … and there is some other stuff of his missing, too …

The contents of the library of Alexandria would be nice to have, too. Please don’t use Babelfish to do the translations.

And, of course, there are slightly over a hundred missing episodes of Doctor Who. If you could just stick them on DVD for me. Oh, and the missing bits of The Quatermass Experiment, as well. Thank you.

20

Whether life exists on other planets, and if so, what it’s like. As an astronomer once said, “There are two possibilities, either we are alone in the universe or we aren’t. In either case, the very thought of it is astounding.” (Paraphrasing a bit, of course.)

What would’ve happened if the first men diagnosed with GRID were quarantined, thus preventing the spread of what was later accurately called the HIV virus. Would the world be a better place? Or would we all just find some new disease/disaster to slap some ludicrous “God’s punishment to whomever” label on?

How Mike Tyson’s career would’ve went if, after Cus D’Amato died, someone immediately stepped in and took control of his life before Don King started playing him like a violin and his mind started falling apart.

How Michael Jordan’s career would’ve went if he didn’t have Scottie Pippen or Horace Grant.

How Barry Sanders’ career would’ve went if he was drafted by a team with a halfway decent passing game.

Why book reviewers absolutely heap praise on incredibly tedious, rambling, pointless narratives about people I never give half a lima bean about.

Why computer gamers are willing to put up with so much crap. Lessee, initial release invariably of bugs (esp. if rushed to meet a deadline), nigh-infinite capacity for errors before and during runtime, patches sometimes have bugs as well, getting the proper hardware is a marathon and a half, the difficulty on most of these would give a typical demigod migraines…

Where all the crackpot ideas infesting our grade and high school systems come from. I’m especially interested in knowing why correcting violent, vicious, cruel, sadistic, boorish, out-of-control sociopathic behavior in a child is somehow unfeasible if…get this…the parents object. (Never mind what kind of sicko parent would object to correcting that kind of behavior.)

Where all these schools that supposedly give out really cheap A’s or have incredibly easy courses or don’t give grades at all are (where were they when I needed them?).

How anyone can look at a 55% turnout for a federal election and still come to the conclusion that a vote for a third-party candidate is wasted.

What problems were solved by Daylight Savings Time that could not be solved by much simpler means. (“I don’t want kids walking home in the dark.” Yo, ever hear of flashlights?)

The appeal of right-wing ideology. I have not come across a single tenet that’s struck me as anything other than a complete 180 from what a sane, healthy human being would want.

Why racism exists at all…particularly among people who live with the race they discriminate against (hello, Mideast!), and hence have more than enough evidence that the other side has good people and bad, just like their own.

And finally…why it always takes me so dang long to recover from a bad cold.

There will be more, I’m sure of it…