ShibbOleth-sorry to hear about your friend’s illness, best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Bladder cancer can range from the very a good prognosis, to a very poor one, as you said. It varies depending on the type of cancer (exactly which type of cells are affected), where it is within the bladder and how early it was detected. Without knowing more, it would be impossible to say how serious you friend’s illness is.
Some people with cancer will have no symptoms, some will be very ill. Usually people complain of tiredness, lack of energy, poor appetite and possibly weight loss. Pain isn’t usually a major symptom until later in the disease process. Generally feeling “not quite yourself” or “under the weather” would be common, one patient desribed feeling “jetlagged”. Add to that the psychological trauma of discovering you have a serious and possibly life-threatening illness, and people are often physically and mentally exhausted for a while.
The main symptoms will depend on the site of the cancer, in the case of bladder cancer possible symptoms include painless haematuria (blood in the urine) and symptoms similar to a urinary tract infection or enlarged prostate (needing to urinate more frequently, having difficulty doing so). If your friend is having surgery he’ll probably be in some pain from that, rather than from the cancer itself, and he might have to take it easy for a while.
People with cancer can feel pretty isolated, they may not feel up to going out, and often friends don’t want to intrude…leading to everyone being at cross-purposes. Definitely phone him and suggest coming over to visit with the guys, although he might not be up to going out, he may well appreciate the company. If he does have to take some time off work, lending him some DVDs, videos, books and suggesting activities to help pass the time might be very welcome!
Don’t pretend nothing is happening, acknowledge the situation, talk about it as much as he wants, and then get on with doing the things you normally do together (although possibly without alcohol).
Play it by ear and you’ll be fine.