Asking this sincerely, since I’ve never understood exactly what that phrase constitutes.
If you and the office team go celebrate a big accomplishment by heading off to the dive-bar around the corner, and you slap high-fives with everyone while slowly milking a bottle of Bud Light (or maybe two) over three hours - which I think anyone here would still qualify as you still remaining “sober” - does that count?
I ‘get it’ that if your two beers with friends leads you to picking up a 12-pack on your way home from happy-hour and killing 10 of them in one night - that sorta disqualifies the whole “I’ve been sober for xx days/months/years” thing, but what if you don’t? What does “I’ve been ‘sober’” mean in a general sense?
Sounds like the answer to the question might be - “no, if you’ve gone and drank a drop (including two bottles of beer after work on Friday 7/12/19), then you’ve been ‘sober’ for 0 days”.
Thanks mc - that’s kinda what I figured it meant, “total abstinence” - based on 2nd-hand stories I’ve heard (and albeit a dumbass cite, a Samuel L Jackson / Ben Affleck movie “Changing Lanes” that I watched recently that seemed to infer the same ‘abstinence’ thing you mentioned).
Who was it that said, “in the old days sobering up meant cutting out whiskey and coke and just sticking to beer and weed”
I always thought sober meant no alcohol, thats why they say clean and sober if there’s no drugs too.
Bud Light still has alcohol, so that Bud Light would break the run. When put in terms of “xx time sober”, it means abstinence from alcohol, not merely “I have not gotten drunk” or “I have not gotten drunk above a certain level”.
Pretty much. Let me try to add some things to what the other replies already have covered. If you have to think in terms of “time sober” that usually means you had something even you had to admit was a drinking problem. It is just possible you could maybe or sometimes have a drink and not have it lead to more drinks and serious problems before the day was out but you had issues and the alcohol got out of hand more than your life could tolerate. Maybe you combined it with other bad ideas like driving drunk or buzzed. Maybe bad things happened and maybe they didn’t but at some point you said to yourself “I can’t do this anymore”. If you’ve been there, at that point, totally refraining from drinking can be far and away the best choice for you. Because you (personally and deep down in your heart) never know just which drink could bring on the next bender or blackout.
Mileage varies widely when anything becomes an addiction or problem but with alcohol, in my experience, all bets can be off. I’ve known folks who accidentally got the real wine at Communion instead of the (basically grape juice) non-alcoholic version and ended up on a three day spree; even without knowing they had gotten the wrong thing.
We can debate if its genetics or what, if its an illness or a condition, but one thing is certain. For some people out there none means zero-zip-nada-keine-forget-it. And those are usually the ones who speak in terms of time-sober.
(Mothers side of the family are pretty much all alcohol abusers. Some went sober, some just died off, some managed to survive and some were actually “functional alcoholics”. I seem to have dodge that gene/whatever but my brother didn’t; he was basically hammered most of his military career. He was good at it - what I would call an Olympic-level drinker - who managed to rise to the rank of Full Colonel even though he was killing a fifth or more of vodka throughout the day basically every day ------- for decades. And say a serious day of .14BAC throughout the day every few days. Why he hasn’t needed a slice of liver I’ll never know. The only way he was able to get sober was total abstinence. He has been mostly sober now over 20 years with a couple falls. One fall was set off by just picking up a warm stale beer someone had left in his yard. It didn’t make it to the trash can and things got fuzzy for the next few days. His accomplishments in life were many even with the boozing; and I am proud of him for each and every one. But I am proudest of admitting he has a problem and fighting it every minute of every day. More than his medals and awards, to me IMHO, that makes him a true soldier and a brave one.)
I acted as designated driver once (never again!) for a group of friends. The venue put a wristband on me and I was told my drinks were free! I ordered a scotch on the rocks, and got a weird look. We were an hour early and the band would be playing 90 minutes, so I thought one drink would be fine, but noooooooo.
Yes the point of designating a driver, and giving you a wristband for free drinks is based on the premise that the designated driver will abstain from alcohol entirely.
Yes. I drink occasionally - not every day or every week or even every month. If I ever said I had two months sober, everyone I know would be falling on the ground laughing. Because it’s not an accomplishment for me to not drink for two months , so why am I saying anything. Typically people who have a drinking problem to the extent that they think in terms of “time sober” *can’t * have just one drink. Plenty of people can have just one drink, and some of them also sometimes get drunk - but those aren’t the people who talk about how long they’ve been sober. Just like “social smokers” who bum an occasional cigarette when they’re out don’t talk about "quitting smoking’.
The OP’s dilemma does not exist for those in the Recovering Alcoholic community. They do not believe that it is the least bit possible for them to nurse one or two Bud Lights for an evening. In their universe, one drop of alcohol will turn into a bender. So looking for gradations of sobriety is not an issue. There is only abstinence, and knee-walking drunkenness. I’m not saying I agree or disagree with that attitude, not being in that situation, but I know quite a few recovering alcoholics who see it that way.
I’m one of those people who drinks really, really infrequently-- pretty much only on Jewish holidays when it’s a mitzvah, and grape juice isn’t available. I haven’t even been drunk on Purim for a good 20 years. It’s kind of the same way I’m a vegetarian. It’s not political, or about animals. I hate the taste of meat. I hate the smell of it cooking.
Anyway, I once lived with an alcoholic for a couple of years. I called her “recovered” once, and got an earful. She was “in recovery,” or “recovering,” in spite of the fact that she was in her late 20’s, and had seven years “in” (seven years of sobriety). She asked me if it was OK if we didn’t keep alcohol in the house. I never keep alcohol in my living space anyway, so I said “Yes.” Seriously, I don’t even keep Manischewitz for kiddush. I use Kedem grape juice.
What is interesting to me about people “in recovery” even with long stretches of sobriety, is that they always know the exact date of their last drink. I couldn’t tell you when my last drink was. I couldn’t even tell you if it was two years ago or twelve years ago. I can tell you that since the last time I had a mixed drink or a full glass of wine (whenever it was), there have been interspersed an occasional half-shot of kosher wine, or some sips on Passover, which in the world of recovery would set my count to zero (unless it happened by accident, and didn’t set off a binge of some sort-- there are actually a lot of rules around this).
I don’t have the “addict gene,” or whatever, either (I have my own problems, that just doesn’t happen to be one), so I have trouble understanding the paradigm, but I do understand that for people who live under it, it’s extremely important.
It isn’t 100% but its close enough to be a true generalization. I’m not sure even I understand it all that well even though I was a heavy cigarette smoker. I guess my dance with the little white coffin nails didn’t quite reach the point of addiction. I can tell you however that it was a Saturday afternoon at Danny’s Pub, I was having a beer and sitting with Usual-Friend-Of-Kopek back then, and I stubbed out that last one from the pack ------- and never bought another pack. Not being a true addict I can’t tell you why and I didn’t really decide to stop - just for some reason I did. Closest since then is maybe bumming three to five in different situations over the last 35 years. Why details of that moment are burned into my brain I can’t explain.
A friend of mine who is a friend of Bill would explain it this way; the hardest thing he ever did in his life was quit drinking. The hardest thing he will ever DO in his life is not drink tomorrow. When you find yourself there I guess the count just sort of happens automatically like time stamps on the SDMB.
You can’t because it didn’t involve getting into a fight, getting arrested, driving into a tree, taking off all your clothes at the Christmas party, getting your kids taken away by CPS, or have some other highly rememberable association.
I’ve been sober for over 25 years. I never did a 12 step program or went to an AA meeting. But I did realize that I can’t drink, at all.
I’m no longer tempted by alcohol, I haven’t been in a long time. I don’t find not drinking to be hard. I keep alcohol in my home sometimes. Right now there’s a bottle of vodka in one of my cabinets. I have a out of town friend that stays with me a few days every couple of months and it’s hers. I’ve had boyfriends that drank and I kept alcohol for them in my home. I receive bottles of wine as Christmas gifts and I take them home and eventually regift them.
Many years ago, 10 or 15 I think, I did pick up the wrong drink at a party and I took a sip. I realized my mistake, rinsed out my mouth, and found a mint. I didn’t go on a bender or even feel the pull. But I’m not going to test it, I have no desire.
I don’t particularly like going to bars, but when I do-- and have in the past-- I always volunteer to be the designated driver. I usually have to drive someone else’s car, because I always have a small one, but they are happy to let me do it. I get my Cokes free, and no one pushes drinks on me.
I understand why “recovery” people avoid bars and other near occasions of alcohol. Other people try to get you to drink. When I was just barely pregnant, and not ready to tell people, it was Passover, and people kept trying to get me to sip wine instead of grape juice. I just kept saying “No,” and finally had to say, a little rudely “Stop asking me.”
When you go to a bar, everyone with you expects you to drink, and at wine and cheese receptions too. A couple of times, when I’m some place where I’ll never see the people again, I’ve said “I’m sober.” Because I technically am, depending on how you define the word, it’s not really a lie-- “I’m taking antibiotics” would be a flat-out lie-- but I don’t say “I’m sober” to people I’ll see again, because I know what I’m implying.
Not sure there is any indisputable definition. Among the people I’ve encountered, it can often refer to a specific substance so someone who was a heroin user but stopped, might say they’ve been sober (from heroin) for x time, even tho they continue to smoke pot and drink beer.
You can iopine what you think of that statement. Probably more accurate would be for them to specify their usage.
Personally, I( stopped drinking about 15 yrs ago. Didn’t stop pot until some time later. So I guess I might (incorrectly) state that I’ve been sober for 15 yrs. More likely, tho, I’d say I haven’t had a drink…
And while there is no issue of me falling off the wagon after a single beer, in my mind, abstinence is complete. Same with smoking. We all know the “ex-smoker” who simply doesn’t BUY there own cigs anymore. But you are not a non-smoker until the moment you stubbed out your last smoke.
But you are not a non-smoker until the moment you stubbed out your last smoke.